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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 5h

So, good Afternoon Leg’ends, We’ve had a look at the papers this morning and, if I’m honest, they’re a bit much of a nothing. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Today’s Papers Rewired #346: Britain Is Ending Again, Terms and Conditions Apply

Ten Sunday papers, several incompatible Britains, and enough Boots vouchers to survive the collapse.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Afternoon Leg’ends, They offered to send me a physical copy. Now, I already have the PDF, and there seemed little point in acquiring another rectangular object for the house when somebody reading Satirical Planet News could have it instead. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/how-i-ende...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

How I Ended Up Reviewing The AI Decade

A Review, a Book and a Kind Offer from Cambria Publishing

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, It is Saturday. Woohoo. Hopefully none of you are working today, and if you are, you have my commiserations, because there are few things more offensive than a Saturday alarm clock satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Today’s Papers Rewired #345: Please Accept the New Terms and Conditions of Britain

Diesel at £2, pension “plots”, football diplomacy, celebrity paranoia and a nation being sold panic beside discounted loo roll.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, Britain has woken up and, against several centuries of established administrative practice, most of the weather appears to have been delivered to the correct address. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Satirical Planet News: Today’s Weather, Saturday 3 October 2026

Britain Gets a Surprisingly Decent Saturday; The Southwest Has Been Left Holding the Bucket

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Evening Leg’ends, England needs more homes. It is also getting better at seeing where water already causes trouble and where future conditions may sharpen it. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/the-house-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

The House Is Built. The Risk Remains.

England is getting better at modelling flood risk. The harder question begins after permission, when a long-lived home is left inside systems that keep changing.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, And thank fuck it’s Friday. Hopefully most of you are approaching that magical point in the week where the laptop lid closes and anybody beginning an email with ‘just circling back’ can circle back on Monday. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Today’s Papers Rewired #344: The Mail’s ‘Thugs in Every Postcode’, Diesel Diplomacy and the Friday Panic Rack

Britain’s Friday front pages checked, punctured and occasionally sworn at.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, Britain has woken up running two weather systems from the same extension lead. Across western Scotland, Northern Ireland and northwest England, carrying enough Atlantic water to make every unattended chair reconsider its future. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Satirical Planet News: Today’s Weather, Friday 2 October 2026

Britain Splits Into Two Seasons; The Southeast Has Apparently Stolen July’s Bus Pass

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, October has arrived, and apparently the weather has decided subtlety is for cowards. Still, good news. Climate change definitely isn’t a thing. Absolutely not! satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Today’s Papers Rewired #243: The Apocalypse Has Purchased the Adjacent Display Unit

Thursday 1 October 2026. A terrifying cockpit attack becomes a lesson in how quickly certainty can outrun evidence, while Britain carries on shopping beside the panic.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, Britain wakes on the final day of September with rain travelling east across the country and summer apparently refusing to leave until somebody produces the proper paperwork. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Satirical Planet News: Today’s Weather, Wednesday 30 September 2026

Britain Starts Wednesday Wet, Then Finds 26°C Down the Back of the Sofa

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Evening Leg’ends, There is a fire exit. This is worth establishing before the internet turns up in a hi-vis vest to explain that Peter Thiel now personally owns your gallbladder and the NHS has misplaced the receipt. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/britain-ca...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Britain Can Leave Palantir. The Fire Exit Opens Into a Building Site

Britain still owns the data. The harder sovereignty test is whether the state can change the machinery around it without spending years rebuilding what it has come to depend on.

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Lady Bee Middlemast-Neal @mistyswoman.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

#SpotTheScammer @jjuukofoundation.bsky.social impersonating genuine community based charity Cannan Children Ministry, based in Kampala. Scammer using emotional blackmail, suggesting they're going to commit suicide.

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Mike Galsworthy @mikegalsworthy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

💥 Well done everyone! We have now covered all 650 MPs in the UK - and some MPs have received over 100 emails from you! Keep getting family, colleagues, friends to send emails to their MP with this link —> www.europeanmovement.co.uk/contact-mp-a...

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, Britain has woken up warmer than yesterday and considerably less settled. Much of the country starts grey, murky or drizzly, but southern Britain improves markedly as the morning goes on. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Satirical Planet News: Today’s Weather, Tuesday 29 September 2026

Britain Has Found 27°C at the End of September. Obviously the Wind Has Questions.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Evening Leg’ends, This may not be everybody’s cup of tea over here at SPN. Some of you may prefer coffee. Others may already have opened the whisky, in which case carry on, you appear to have understood the editorial direction perfectly. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/jerobeam-f...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Jerobeam Fenderson Made Sound Visible and Now My Printer Looks Like a Moral Failure

Oscilloscope Music is what happens when somebody understands electricity so well that an old cathode-ray tube starts making the future look embarrassingly possible.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Afternoon Leg’ends, There are newspaper headlines that tell you something happened, and then there are newspaper headlines that arrive dressed for the funeral. Sir Peter Lampl’s declaration that “I’ve joined the exodus of the wealthy from London satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/the-great-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

The Great Millionaire Exodus: Sir Peter’s Cab Is Stuck and Britain Has Apparently Ended

London traffic is dreadful. Wealthy people are internationally mobile. Neither fact, by itself, is a death certificate for one of the world’s major cities.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Good afternoon Leg’ends, It is one of those mornings where the sun has turned up but the clouds are lingering like somebody from the council who has not yet decided whether your extension requires retrospective planning permission. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Today’s Papers Rewired #341: Trump Says They Were “Under View”. Britain Rang 999 Anyway.

Britain wakes to a suspected terror plot. Trump says the suspects were “under view for a long time”. Britain rang 999 anyway. Boots, meanwhile, is certain about £10 off No7.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, The weather has done something suspiciously competent. Most of Britain is getting a decent Monday. Not “Visit Britain has found one dry bench in Pembrokeshire and photographed it from below” decent. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Satirical Planet News: Today’s Weather, Monday 28 September 2026

Britain Has Been Given a Pleasant Monday. Please Do Not Frighten It.

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Bylines Network @bylinesnetwork.co.uk · 28/09/2026

Does the truth matter any more? Truth, facts, and reality don’t seem to matter to a number of people northeastbylines.co.uk/news/opinion...

northeastbylines.co.uk

Does the truth matter any more?

Truth, facts, and reality don’t seem to matter to a number of people…

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Mike Galsworthy @mikegalsworthy.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

🔥 Btw everyone- we’ve now sent out over 24,000 emails to MPs! Share everywhere!

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Bylines Network @bylinesnetwork.co.uk · 25/09/2026

Sewage Watch – Protect our rivers and beaches On 14h September 2026 seventy MPs attended the water referendum debate, sixty-five spoke for the constituencies and there was standing room only… westenglandbylines.co.uk/features/bro...

westenglandbylines.co.uk

Sewage Watch – Protect our rivers and beaches

Since April 2023 Sewage Watch has been keeping a running log of press coverage on the state of sewage dumping into our rivers and onto our beaches

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Liz Webster 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🇬🇧🇪🇺 @lizwebster.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Should the U.K. rejoin the EU and reverse Brexit? Get voting! www.mirror.co.uk/news/politic...

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Morning Leg’ends, Willy and I are taking the day off from Satirical Planet News today. I realise this may cause temporary instability across Westminster, several newspaper opinion desks. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/willy-and-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Willy & Bill Are Taking the Day Off

Willy and I are taking the day off from Satirical Planet News today.

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Bylines Network @bylinesnetwork.co.uk · 26/09/2026

Another scandal linked to Reform UK Scandals, which in one way or another involve Reform UK in the North East seem to come at us thick and fast these days northeastbylines.co.uk/news/politic...

northeastbylines.co.uk

Another scandal linked to Reform UK

Scandals, which in one way or another involve Reform UK in the North East seem to come at us thick and fast these days

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Evening Leg’ends, I have one slight disagreement with Stewart Lee. In that magnificent Top Gear routine, Lee decides Richard Hammond is the one he hates most. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/why-i-real...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Why I Really Fucking Hate Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson, gratitude politics and the very British habit of mistaking provocation for common sense.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Good afternoon Leg’ends, We hope you’re well. It’s Friday, woohoo, and hopefully none of you are working over the weekend. If you are, my condolences, and I hope whoever arranged that develops a small but persistent problem with a printer. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Today’s Papers Rewired #340: Peace by Bomber, Coffee by Face Scan

A Friday-morning rummage through the headlines, where peace comes with a bomber flypast and even your coffee wants your face.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, Britain has woken up with one weather map and several completely different ideas about what Friday is supposed to be. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Satirical Planet News: Today’s Weather, Friday 25 September 2026

London Has Found 26°C Down the Back of September. Wales Has Found the Damp Bit.

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Bradley P. Moss @bradmossesq.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Possibly the best example of American democracy and governance in the era of Trump.

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Mike Galsworthy @mikegalsworthy.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

BTW - it’s over 23,000 now.

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Seth Abramson @sethabramson.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

For just a moment, the world saw their true nature. This is a real photo. F*cking chilling.

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Broken Politics 🌍 @landofbritain.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

So much for international action and the ICC... This genocidal murderer was allowed to attend the #UN and spout his lies without compunction. Shameful. #Israel #Netanyahu #genocide #Gaza #Palestine #Newsnight #r4today

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Acid Rain @bearysweet.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

No cat could resist a kind granny, and the packet of treats in her hand. 😸😹😻💖👏 This cat was stuck in a tree for days in the Netherlands. Even the Dutch fire brigade (de brandweer) failed to rescue it. And then this sweet woman came and unleashed her ingenuity 🥰 (Cr @jordyblaauwgeers) #cat #rescue

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Good morning Leg’ends. It’s Thursday. Sunny where I am, although there’s still a bit of cloud hanging around because the British sky regards a straightforward answer as suspiciously continental. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Today’s Papers Rewired #339: Britain Has Put Morality Through the Card Reader

Football fans may get their pints back while benefit claimants get spending controls, The Times teaches.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, Britain has woken up inside one of those forecasts that makes the concept of a national weather map feel slightly optimistic. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Satirical Planet News: Today’s Weather, Thursday 24 September 2026

The South Has Been Given 23°C. Scotland and Northern Ireland Have Been Asked to Sign for the Atlantic.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Dear Baldmichael, You wrote this in a Substack thread: “Vaccines turn people queer which might explain some of your posts. Fauci poisoned the homosexual community with AZT. You are obviously happy about that. And you think people here are lunatics???” satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/baldmichae...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Baldmichael, Your Vaccine Queer Machine Has Misplaced Its Evidence

A reply to “vaccines turn people queer”, with the population curve asking where the proof went.

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Duchess Gemma 🐠🕷️🇪🇺 @gemmagould.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Right fuck this. I have reported Danny Tommo’s YouTube video and I implore others to do the same. They are platforming a man who live streamed himself essentially committing a crime and he will be making money off of it as well. Please please report the video www.youtube.com/live/lkeZbk8...

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, Yesterday, Wednesday was approaching from the northwest carrying a bucket. This morning it appears to have put most of it down and left Aberdeen signing for the damage. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Satirical Planet News: Today’s Weather, Wednesday 23 September 2026

The Rain Has Mostly Clocked Off. Aberdeen Has Been Left With the Keys

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Nothing says “national sacrifice” quite like a lecture on the stiff upper lip delivered from a wingback chair beneath an oil painting. Apparently Britain’s problem is not crumbling infrastructure, hollowed-out public services or actual defence readiness, but that the peasants have developed feelings

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Evening Leg’ends Some investigations arrive with a smoking gun. This one has arrived with Companies House records, US securities filings and enough administrative residue to make a Worcester accountancy practice quietly order another box of Yorkshire Tea. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/hope-not-h...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

HOPE Not Hate Names Futura Energy Founder Tom Watson In Big Time Charlie Investigation. SPN Still Wants The Receipt

Public records corroborate much of the biography. SPN has not independently established who controlled @shadowcanman.

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Mike Galsworthy @mikegalsworthy.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

🔥 Fantastic work everyone! And if you’ve not sent one yet, here’s the link —> www.europeanmovement.co.uk/contact-mp-a...

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Good afternoon Leg’ends, It’s Tuesday. I did have to check, which feels like a healthy indication that modern life is proceeding exactly as advertised. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/todays-pap...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Today’s Papers Rewired #337: Good News, It’s a Different Fault

Britain wakes to discover that the reassuring bit is everything appears to be failing for completely different reasons.

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Good morning Leg’ends, Britain has been issued two different Septembers. The first has gone to southern England, where temperatures could reach 25°C to 26°C. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/satirical-...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Satirical Planet News: Today’s Weather, Tuesday 22 September 2026

The South Has Been Given 26°C. Scotland Has Received Wednesday in a Bucket

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Satirical Planet News @willyandbill.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Evening Leg’end, The White House barred CNN. By Monday, one of the immediate consequences had arrived in the least presidential form imaginable: a hole in the rota. satiricalplanet.substack.com/p/trump-bars...

satiricalplanet.substack.com

Trump Bars CNN. The Presidential TV Pool Leaves the Camera Slot Empty

The White House blocked CNN from its scheduled TV-pool turn. The other networks provided no replacement, leaving the camera slot empty.

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