Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I drove 4 hours by myself yesterday. Very meditative. Tons of epiphanies as I sat there in silence. Then I got home and the only one I could remember was “I should listen to more Tommy Keene.” 1220
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 14/09/2026Every joke I make here gets used by AI to become smarter, which is why it’s ESSENTIAL I post stupid mediocre bullshit!!!! I’m SAVING HUMANITY you wads! 4582
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 05/08/2026maybe if I journal for 3 minutes i can fix my whole brain 0290
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 26/07/2026Names for my upcoming comedy special (coming to Friendster, 2032): All Apologies Moderate Takes From A Man Made of Stone Let’s Keep It Down In Here Not Funny; Don’t Watch 3240
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 19/07/2026What’s the best movie out this week about an Odyssey 3561
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 07/07/2026Follow me on TikTok I’m gonna do a Michael McDonald impersonation at some point. I’ve never done one and it won’t be good. But follow me anyway because nothing else you’ve done on social media makes sense, okay? I don’t know my handle just search like a person. 3441
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 21/05/2026I think jumping over buildings (small) is probably easy. 3352
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 08/05/2026The more I scroll and scroll the stronger I become. 2382
Reposted by Will HinesComedy Bang! Bang! World! @cbbworld.bsky.social · 04/05/2026FEATURING: Lisa Gilroy Shaun Diston @pftompkins.bsky.social Edi Patterson Dan Lippert @williebhines.bsky.social Isabella Escalante Anna Bezahler 4934
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 27/04/2026I live in a reality where no one knows what years the comic strip Nancy came out. 1920? Now? We’re all messed up about it! 2280
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 25/04/2026Good morning. All rabbits are spiders. Think about it. Wait, sorry, I mean DON’T think about it. And don’t challenge me. Let me just say batshit things. Let me live in this velvet world of my own soft delusions. All rabbits are spiders. Isn’t it pretty to think so? 1410
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 24/04/2026I post these right when I wake up and I really gotta wake all the way up; I don’t even really know what I was thinking when I wrote this 0190
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 24/04/2026So you’ll Waymo Danny DeVito, Yogurt Yogurt and Danny DeVito Waymo? 161
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 24/04/2026New Fuck Marry Kill: Waymo, Yogurt or Danny DeVito. 7211
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 18/04/2026I do not feel proprietary about both of us being hugely tall. 020
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 16/04/2026SINCERE QUESTION: are there any LA equivalents of this: www.curbed.com/article/new-...curbed.com259 More Things New Yorkers Should KnowFrom free child care at the YMCA to Isaac Mizrahi’s cobbler, our annual handbook will help you make the most of the city. 040
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 05/04/2026I predict I will win the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. 4380
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 28/03/2026The rumors that I will starring in a reboot of the Bourne franchise are untrue! 3550
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 28/01/2026Trump Creates New Cabinet Position To Take Milk Money From Nerds 0120
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 24/01/2026I dunno. Maybe having a mean egomaniac bully in charge of everything wasn’t a great idea. 3431
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 24/01/2026Could everyone stop saying that I will be representing the USA in Solo Basketball Dunking? That literally makes no sense! 3360
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 22/01/2026GUYS it is NOT true that I turned down a nomination for Best Actor. Please stop saying that. 5491
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 08/01/2026I vow to watch every single movie ever made this year. 6410
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 14/12/2025It is funny how long video game credits are. I like to watch them because it feels honorable to do so but they are just so hilariously long. 20 minutes? 30? I could put a movie on another screen and be done. 1220
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 09/12/2025Really!! I gotta learn the names of new grocery stores. 010
Will Hines @williebhines.bsky.social · 02/12/2025“Science fiction? More like REAL LIFE.” - me, blowing minds 3340
