Reposted by Uli_Critterthey made gooseworx @gooseworx.bsky.social · 20/06/2026Jax if she wasn't a huge piece of shit. 28708149221301
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 26/10/2025i want Jessica Rabbit to vaporise my skeleton (not a joke) 000
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 07/10/2025I wonder why they havent made a "Little Bill" reboot yet... I always liked that show! 010
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 03/09/2025Email: "Did your recent Amazon delivery meet your expectations?" I ate the delivery driver. Dont fucking email me you're not a person, know your fucking place! 131
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 26/08/2025I keep entering and exiting through the double doors at Saising Cane's. I do this often and frequently while eating the food that i brought from home. 000
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 08/08/2025i think Jessica rabbit and all bad bitches like her (Jessica Rabbit) should be allowed to kill anyone they (bad bitches) want. 130
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 10/05/2025Idiot rube: "If you're just a generally pleasant person to be around, people will like you!" Based incel chad: "Women are evil because I got rejected once in high school and never moved on from that for some reason." 030
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 12/04/2025The man in my walls keeps trying to suck my balls. But i won't let him. Cus they're MY balls, and I wanna suck them!!! 010
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 29/03/2025Sex bees??? They sting you and make you hornby for man meat????? 010
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 20/03/2025My stupid idiot bitch wife keeps turning into Mr. Birchum during sex, I HATE IT!! Never get married, kids. 040
Reposted by Uli_CritterPatton Oswalt @pattonoswalt.bsky.social · 19/03/2025“Every day in Los Angeles, one actor is told he looks like a rapist, and 99 others drive home for an hour and a half on the 10 Freeway, upset with themselves that they don’t look enough like a rapist.” — Bucky Sinister, GRUNT Issue 2 (e-zine) 1124496201
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 17/03/2025Free food glitch: Step 1. Go to Buffalo wild wings Step 2. Slam dick and balls on the counter Step 3. Say, "Give me food or I will shit my pants, HARD!" Step 4. U get free food! :D 030
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 15/03/2025Yall ever walked up to a hot girl (broad) said, "Hey baby." Then pissed on the floor for 11 minutes straight while maintaining eye contact and saying nothing? 040
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 05/03/2025"They're trying to steal my blood!!" I say, gesticulating wildly to assert dominance over the libtard cucks at the bar mitzvah. 020
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 27/02/2025>looking for a new creature >ask the pet store assistant if the creature is dubious or scrungly >she doesnt understand >pull out illustrated diagram explaing what is dubious and what is scrungly >she laughs and says “it’s a good creature sir” >take creature home >it smokes 12 cigarettes and dies 020
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 27/02/2025*Jumps through ur window* "THE WORMS!!" *Sucks ur dick* *leaves* 040
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 25/02/2025U cannot and never will match my freak, it is impossible. Now let me sniff ur underwear while u breed me! >:( 130
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 23/02/2025How my gay neighbor looks at me after I fuck his toaster: 050
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 17/02/2025i have an elder beast locked in my basement (it came with the house) it gives me nightmares about a floating head that speaks in riddles that always seem to be prophetic in a horribly ironic way. but it pays its share of the rent on time every month and has violent tentacle sex with me very often! 020
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 12/02/2025Me in a boardroom meeting: "what if we made a show about dick cheny but hes a baby and we cal it 'lil dick'" Reed Hastings: "Wow! thats a great idea!" the wretched homunculus chained to the wall: "please father! let me die!" 020
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 09/02/2025i want Jessica Rabbit to use my holes (respectfully) 030
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 02/02/2025💖😍Daddy!🥰💖media.tenor.coma man is standing in front of a giant octopus with red eyesALT: a man is standing in front of a giant octopus with red eyes 120
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 28/01/2025my friend just said he was thinking of buying a fleshlight... like... dude, im right here! 🙄 170
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 23/01/2025NEW VIDEO OUT!! XD www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUgW...youtube.comElation for The Wonderbox 6000 (Demo) (this is an ad)YouTube video by Uli_Critter 010
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 21/01/2025i dont NEED a gay burger! im doing fine on my own thank you very much! 🙄 020
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 19/01/2025I'm about to fill my gay ass fruit husband with worms! (My cum) 020
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 18/01/2025this gay nerd is filled with food (hit him with sticks like a pinata) 1161
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 18/01/2025I think we should bring back John McAfee #FreeJohnMcAfee 010
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 18/01/2025Back in college they used to call me the crow rapist... I have to disclose this information during interviews sometimes... 020
Uli_Critter @ulicritter.bsky.social · 18/01/2025The only broads I fuck are the ones who look exactly like Jeff Dunham. Because I want to dominate him... with my peenits... 120
