iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 12/02/2025

If you have any expectations of me right now, please lower them. If you’re waiting for a call back from me, no you’re not.

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 31/01/2025

The recruiter for my new job told me benefits start on your first day, but that was a lie. I have to earn all 80 hours of vacation time over the course of a year and I don’t even earn a full day of vacation time in a MONTH. 1/2

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 19/01/2025

I hate that both Twitter and TikTok have been taken away from me. I hate that there’s less connection in a cruel world. I hate how often I scream into the void and feel empty.

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 16/01/2025

One thing I’m really gonna miss about TikTok is how Tommy Pistol started following me so I got a notification every time he checked my profile, how am I supposed to get dopamine now

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 30/12/2024

So I just found out my homeowners insurance lapsed and there’s nothing I can do about it because I don’t have an extra $1600 to make a lump-sum payment, I can’t pay online, and I can ONLY call for assistance and ONLY during the business hours I work in a call center. Happy F-cking New Year.

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 21/12/2024

I don’t know man I’m starting to feel like my little jokes and memes are not enough to keep me from succumbing to the horrors

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 19/12/2024

KitKat is a lot of things, but most of all he’s A Baby Man™

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

Happy Adoptiversary to Baby Ruth a.k.a. Ruthie, who 5 years ago on this day (also Friday the 13th) refused to go back out into the rain and so gave up the street cat life. She’s been a marvelous menace ever since. My Grumpy Plumpy Girl.

Photo of a brown tabby cat with white paws, belly and left cheek seated on a pink blanket looking sweetly off-camera

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 12/12/2024

I’m reading in the news that cities are fearful about copycat CEO shootings, meanwhile Philly is having Luigi Mangione look-a-like contests. Deeply unserious city.

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 08/12/2024

I was picking up an Rx and the Pharmacy Tech Bitch at CVS lied “we can’t take your new insurance information until tomorrow, you need this now?” i.e. pay out-of-pocket this instant or get tf out. Then she slid it under the gate as it closed in my face like she was Indiana Jones.

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 04/12/2024

First paycheck at my new job did not direct deposit due to the holiday last week. Paper check was received in the mail Fri 11/29. Couldn’t deposit because PFCU locations were closed and their ATMs wouldn’t accept my deposit. 1/2

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

The toughest part about being a Porn Reply Guy is dealing with all the other Porn Reply Guys, come on man I’m just a humble pervert trying to make my favorite pornstars laugh, please stay out of my inbox 😭

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 30/04/2024

Update: after doubling down for a week my Abusive Manager left for the day and cancelled our meeting this afternoon, can’t wait to learn what fresh hell she has in store for me

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 23/04/2024

Update: Abusive Manager has issued a written warning for something I didn’t even do 🫠

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 22/04/2024

Hey do you ever intensely watch someone tie their shoe in public to see what method they were taught (loop-swoop-and-pull, bunny ears, etc.) or are you normal

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 18/04/2024

Haha oh no, I posted a funny gif in the Group Chat at work so now my Abusive Manager is desperately looking for any excuse to punish me for it

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 12/04/2024

Not the same sister who paid me late for utilities last month making my mortgage payment overdraft my bank account this month ask if she can put dental x-rays on my credit card tomorrow because she let her Medicaid coverage lapse, don’t push your luck buddy

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 11/04/2024

I always forget that the return of pleasant weather also means Mr. Bishop’s Weekday Afternoon Pop-Up Street Preacher Sermons, he used to wire a PA system into his car stereo but somebody fixed him up with a little portable speaker and a mic

Selfie photo of an Asian non-binary person with dark shoulder length hair wearing a brown plaid flannel shirt and an annoyed expression, in the background out the window is a man standing on the street corner below with a portable speaker and holding a wireless mic

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 08/04/2024

I can’t be bothered with the eclipse, a team of contractors are having trouble tearing down the shed overgrown with vines in the former community garden next door, and a passerby said “it was there before they were.” So now it’s a horror short story prompt.

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 07/04/2024

It’s hard to believe Wrestlemania is in town, how is this event infinitely less annoying than any Philly sports game? Please can we host more fun shit and be less Bulldoze Chinatown for a Sixers Stadium

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 06/04/2024

I know a historic earthquake occurred today on the East Coast and all, but I’m on the southbound BSL and just heard “THE MIC’S ON, DICKHEAD” over the train announcement system, I feel like these are equally important events

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 04/04/2024

You know PFCU rushing to post my mortgage payment in record time just so they could overdraft my checking account is not very Bailey Building and Loan of them, that was a fun way to start the month 🫠

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 04/04/2024

“Due to operator shortage” i.e. we treat our employees like shit and no one wants to work for us

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 29/03/2024

I owe David Krumholtz an apology. I really thought Jake Johnson was him for longer than I care to admit.

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 28/03/2024

I’m so frustrated being made to feel like asking for clarification is giving pushback, why can’t anyone think critically or answer a genuine question without behaving like I’m challenging them to a knife fight

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 24/03/2024

I go to great lengths to avoid revealing how goofy I am but wow some folks just do not even have the tiniest sense of self-preservation

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 21/03/2024

Got stuck in a video mtg today where we reviewed the results of our employee survey from almost 6 months ago, everyone else in my dept really laid it on thick that they love their job, now our mgr is mad because she knows it’s me who brought the scores down

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 20/03/2024

When my older half-sister was visiting she and my younger sister went out to a local bar & grill but I decided to stay home, I said “be good cats,” that’s what I always say when I leave the house to my actual cats, now I’m thinking catchphrase 🤔 “Twos out, be good cats ✌🏼”

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 18/03/2024

I’ve never had a package stolen by package thieves in Philly. I have had packages stolen by neighbors to prevent them being stolen by package thieves.

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 15/03/2024

Well folks, I have not won the lottery or found a new job where they hate me less so tomorrow I will be going back to work full time after 12 weeks of FMLA leave

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 12/03/2024

My older half-sister came to visit me and stressed me out so bad, I was constipated from the moment she walked in the front door of my house Friday night until my younger sister texted that she dropped her off at the airport this afternoon

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 10/03/2024

My older half-sister is visiting from Nebraska and wanted a book to read on the plane so my younger sister took her the Anarchist bookstore y’all I’m tired

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 09/03/2024

I may be here physically but spiritually I’m Richard E. Grant dancing in the 1997 film Spice World

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 03/03/2024

KitKat is no skippety. All baps. Nothing whimsical about catching these peets.

A closeup photo of a brown tabby cat’s face, the tabby markings on his face appear to give him a surly expression

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 01/03/2024

In case anyone was wondering how I’m doing I just made an appointment to see the eye doctor while sounding like a normal human on the phone, then hung up and shouted I’M AN ADULT

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 29/02/2024

I hope Jeffrey Wright wins the Oscar for selfish reasons: he popped up in my People You May Know on fb and I want more proximity to greatness

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 28/02/2024

Bought a pregnancy pillow recently, I’m not pregnant just broken and need to wrap myself in it like it’s a boa constrictor

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 27/02/2024

Me, who only needed one item to get cash back, to the ALDI Cashier: there was a Strawberry Poptart Emergency

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 26/02/2024

Managed to replace a leaky faucet yesterday, not shown is the existential crisis I had on Saturday afternoon before I realized it couldn’t be fixed (whole assembly was defective)

Photo of a new kitchen faucet with the previous faucet in the sink below

Photo of an Asian non-binary person with dark bobbed hair wearing a red hoodie with their hand over their face crouching in front of an open kitchen sink cabinet

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 23/02/2024

Mail carrier just left a package inside my security door and screamed “GOOD THING YOU LEFT THAT UNLOCKED” loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear, how do I sue the post office

Photo of a non-binary Asian person with dark bobbed hair with their eyes closed and right hand covering their face appearing frustrated

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 22/02/2024

Me, at my 2nd rodeo: what if this rodeo has slightly different rules from my last one

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 18/02/2024

UPDATE: just before noon today a man walked by my house carrying this mirror on his head. Thank you for your sacrifice, sir 🫡

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Reposted by Twoey

regular meghan 나영지 🇵🇸 @ruemcclammyhand.bsky.social · 18/02/2024

now that this is happening all over again i’d love to remind folks that “transracial” is and always was a term for a type of adoption way before terfy racist delulus like oily london decided they needed a word for “i’m sick of being white” 👍🥚

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 18/02/2024

Saw a gorgeous mirror discarded in my neighborhood but I’m not taking any furniture in off the street because shit’s probably cursed and/or deeply haunted

Photo of a dresser mirror with black Art Deco frame leaning against the exterior of a North Philadelphia row home, the mirror reflects a grey car and the door on the opposite side of the street

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 14/02/2024

It’s Ash Wednesday, AND Death of Captain Cook Day?? Have a great one, however you celebrate 🖤

Photo of a small pale pink glass pipe on a bamboo tray with a silver thimble beside it, a pink heart with a blue arrow through it emoji covers the bowl of the pipe

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 13/02/2024

My sister is cleaning her inbox and gleefully tells me she has 9000+ unread emails, I want to walk into the ocean

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Reposted by Twoey

regular meghan 나영지 🇵🇸 @ruemcclammyhand.bsky.social · 13/02/2024

lukewarm opinion but this shit (CDC guidance) is why i am in no way being hyperbolic when i say capitalism is killing us

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 12/02/2024

I’ve never owned a smart TV before, and my sister keeps trying to talk up the whole casting from your phone thing but I was like “I will not be doing that.” My sister: is that because you watch p— Me: YesitsbecauseIwatchpornonmyphone

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Twoey @twoey2e.bsky.social · 11/02/2024

I tried to give KitKat a little a chicken as a treat and that asshole punched the morsel off my chopsticks. Racist cat. Today is Lunar New Year, you piece of shit. No windows in your house.

Photo of a large brown tabby cat seated upright and alert in a grey slipper chair.

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