iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 29/03/2025

I had no bruising nor broken bones to prove there was abuse. Does that mean the abuse never happened? Is that still the only way people can fathom that abusers abuse?

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 27/03/2025

When I left the abuser, I also left behind 12 nieces & nephews, several of whom lived in the same house as me & who I helped raise. Not to mention leaving behind many others I love. It’s a specific kind of grief not many talk about in abuse recovery

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 23/03/2025

Chronic pain making all the other complex trauma stuff even harder. Not a good day

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 09/03/2025

Not all abusers are cis men My abuser ex is a cis woman. That cisnormativ, heteronormative framing about abusers erases the experiences of many LGBTQIA+ abuse survivors 🏳️‍🌈💜🏳️‍⚧️

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 02/03/2025

The binaried, hierarchical structuring of patriarchy has no place when approaching how a body functions… Nor on the impacts of trauma & abuse on a body That structuring creates MORE limitation

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 28/02/2025

The nervous system being safe to take up space after leaving an abuser is a multilayered endeavour

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 25/02/2025

And I know how much I’ve helped clients over the last 14 years. I’m not stopping. Just another slow down pace. At least for now. 🏳️‍🌈💜🏳️‍⚧️

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 25/02/2025

The ever increasing debilitation of the impacts of complex trauma after abuse, are forcing me to reassess my capacities in my work life. And I’m frustrated & disappointed & grieving. I am absofuckinglutely great at this somatic energetic kinesiology thing I do. 👇

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 20/02/2025

What didn’t happen after you left the abuser, can have just as much impact for an abuse survivor as what happened when you were WITH the abuser.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 19/02/2025

Might be controversial; That whole ‘find your community’ can be quite ableist. What if the most community you ever felt was when everyone HAD to be online & then all those people disappeared. There are a multitude of reasons why people with disabilities aren’t part of/ included in community

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 17/02/2025

Gaslighting an abuse survivor sounds like; ‘You survived 100% of your darkest days’ And other spiritually bypassing/ toxic positivity horrors. That shite is belittling & dismissive & JUST DON’T

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 14/02/2025

My ex used sleep deprivation as an abuse tactic throughout our 13 1/2 yr relationship She would say that if I loved & cared about her, it would be no effort for me to stay awake

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 12/02/2025

PSA for all swept up in ‘Let Them’ book by Mel Robbins… Mel fails to mention that; LET THEM was originally a poem by Cassie Phillips

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 12/02/2025

Folks often do not comprehend that having people to CO-REGULATE with (to help your nervous system) can be a privileged position for you to be in

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 11/02/2025

Capitalism creates urgency & scarcity Urgency & scarcity keep your nervous system on high alert in survival modes; • Fight mode • Flight mode • Freeze mode • Fawning (people pleasing)

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

I was unaware that the myriad of elements of emotional & psychological abuse I experienced from the abuser, were abuse, when I was with her. It took years to realise that it was abuse. And I’m still unpacking it & navigating the impacts.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 06/02/2025

Superior/ inferior Better/ worse Healthy/ unhealthy Functional/ dysfunctional There is so much that exists in the in between & beyond if binaried extremes. Challenge yourself to look beyond the limitations of ANY binary framework

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 06/02/2025

I am trans & gender queer, my pronouns are they/ them 🏳️‍⚧️ Nonbinary applies to gender And. It challenges the limitations of the binary inherent in systems & ways of approaching experiences as a whole👇

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 06/02/2025

The brain likes what is familiar, even if the familiar causes harm. The nervous system knows how to function in that familiarity & anything else feels like a threat to the nervous system. It takes safe space, time & energy for the body to be SAFE to navigate the unfamiliar.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 05/02/2025

The nervous system will sometimes say; ‘I don’t wanna stay present. Present feels unsafe’. When you try to force it & judge that need to not be present (dissociate), or not be fully present, you can fortify a relationship of distrust & inner conflict.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 05/02/2025

Modalities that perpetuate the myth that being present is always ‘best’, may not understand the impacts of complex trauma, and/ or abuse 👇

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

Abuse survivors need all levels of support; Physically Emotionally Psychologically Spiritually Financially We need community Unfortunately, too many end up isolated & alone in the aftermath, often years, decades after.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

On complex trauma after abuse; Ongoing learning to not be ashamed of the debilitating, disabling daily impacts & reduced capacity. Gotta stop comparing the capacity of my present self to my ginormous capacity before the abuse.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 26/01/2025

Gaslighting is an essential ingredient to oppression…. Whether that oppression is happening; *to an individual *in a family *in an institution *in a government *to a people.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 26/01/2025

“The oppressor would not be so strong if he did not have accomplices amongst the oppressed” Simone de Beauvoir

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 23/01/2025

Nervous system core needs; 🌀To be seen. 🌀To be heard. 🌀To have dignity. 🌀To have safety. 🌀To have belonging. Without these we are in varying degrees of survival modes; 🌀 Fight 🌀Flight 🌀Freeze 🌀Fawn 🌀Flop

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 21/01/2025

Dissociative memory blanks often accompany being with an abuser. 14 years after leaving her, I still experience both; Huge chunks of absent memory And Fragmented flashes of memory that often don’t make sense coz of the bits that are missing

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 20/01/2025

The nervous system needs to feel safe to connect. Connection can feel like a threat after being abused

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 17/01/2025

Reminded myself that this memoir, as hard as it is to write about the abuse, is ln act of love for abuse survivors. Including me

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 16/01/2025

When you’ve left the abuser & look back at some of the stuff you did to make it stop, you may be shocked or even appalled. Remind yourself, you are doing what you could to survive. And remember to be kind & compassionate with yourself.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 16/01/2025

People pleasing is a natural survival step when being abused. You’ll often do almost as nothing to make the abuse stop

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 16/01/2025

I dissociated a lot to survive the abuse & the aftermath. Some of the thoughts I wrote in those journals break my heart. Because of how I saw myself. And how, in some ways, I still see myself. Surrounding all abuse survivors with love 🏳️‍⚧️💜🏳️‍🌈

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 16/01/2025

When I left the abuser I kept journals. Going through them again RN for my memoir about leaving a queer abusive relationship & the aftermath of leaving.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

“queer not as being about who you are having sex with (that can be a dimension of it); but queer as being about the self that is at odds with everything around it and has to invent and create and find a place to speak and to thrive and to live.” bell hooks

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

Utilising the resources & reminders acquired for recovery after abuse are necessary & can also be another form of hypervigilence & exhaustion

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

After having been abused, the nervous system interprets what you encounter as potentially dangerous. That includes the joy & the fun & the laughter can feel unsafe too.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 13/01/2025

The difference it makes to someone to feels safe to feel seen & heard, can be the difference between an effective practitioner & one who is not (or less so) My number 1 priority as a practitioner is for my clients to feel safe with me

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 13/01/2025

Vagus nerve… Feeling safe to see & be seen Safe to hear & be heard. 👇👇👇

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 12/01/2025

Trauma informed tip; A regulated nervous system does not = consistently feeling calm

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 08/01/2025

Navigating complex trauma… Today was hard I’m a practitioner who helps people through their own complex trauma. And I still have hard days. Coz I’m human with a nervous system designed to look for threat & connection. Loss of connection also feels like a threat to the nervous system

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 07/12/2024

Overexplaining becomes a survival response. Overexplaining is inextricably intertwined with people pleasing. You attempt to justify your thoughts, emotions, behaviour, responses, reactions to an abuser whose focus & delight lies in maintaining power & control over you.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 07/12/2024

A common claim from the abuser; ‘You’re lying to me. You’re lying to yourself’ The classic gaslighting technique from the abuser & how might your nervous system scramble to deal? 👇

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 04/12/2024

Spiritually bypassing & toxic positivity practitioners telling us abuse survivors that centring empathy & understanding for our abuser would help us heal. No. Just no. It mainly just leads to more limitation. And to us suppressing of what is already held in our trauma filled bodies.

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Jords 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 @transalchemist7.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

Hyper independence can be a side effect of leaving an abuser Examples: I don't need anybody I can do it all myself I can handle it all I don't need help I won't ask for help

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