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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 16h

If you're going to try to bribe voters, DJT, you'd best be cutting million dollar checks. Anything lower feels like an insult at this point.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

First Dennis Hastert, now Jim Bakker? Say, Old Man in the Sky, you looking for a third pervert to complete the set? Have I got a deal for you ...

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

It's this simple, I. think. If you're in a menage a huit with a drunk drugged girl and you don't know you're doing something drastically wrong, then you're so drunk you've already passed out.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

30 days till elections. I don't know if the Dems will win the House and Senate. But they'd better be preparing right now in case they do, with an avalanche of new bills to set things in this country on a better path. Because the American people are out of patience.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

The Nobel Prize in literature is going to be announced this week. Which just makes me feel like a big idiot because once again I forgot to send in an application.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Okay, so DJT is an 80-year-old in the throes of deep dementia. What's Pete Hegseth's excuse?

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

The copilot stabbed the pilot on a plane headed to Tel Aviv, apparently planning to crash the plane. Maybe now people when listen to Tuberville's furry warnings. Damn furries.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Breaking news: Sen, Eric Schmitt discovers Jack Smith was at Ford's Theatre on April 14, 1865. Accuses dirtbag of Lincoln's assassination. Correction: Smith was at Richard Rogers Theatre in NY on August 24, 2025, attending showing of Hamilton.

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Jim Pickard @pickardje.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

as a satire on so-called late stage capitalism how could one beat investors pouring a trillion into a company offering to wipe out humankind

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M Meerkat @kackbro.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

RepubliKKKans Are Bad For America, Vote Accordingly.......💙

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Why is Trump so sold on AI? He wants to put bots on the ground in Iran.

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Meesh @ohmymeesh.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

EVERY GOP CANDIDATE IS RUNNING SCARED! From Greg Abbot, to Dan Patrick, to Ken Paxton 🐔💩💩💩 who refuse to show up for Texans.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Things are getting so bad for Republicans that Trump is going to have to stage another assassination attempt. Maybe two.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

At the request of the military and for National Security purposes, I have agreed to convert the president's car into Optimus Prime, a sentient robot that has the ability to lift over 2,000 tons, shoot lasers, and shift between a semi-truck and a giant robot. THERE IS NO CAR LIKE THIS IN THE WORLD."

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Trump's response to rumors that he wants to stamp his name on Ford's Theatre: "It is FAKE NEWS! Who would possibly want a name on such a tragic place?” Dude, you want to put a triumphal arch in front of Arlington National Cemetery.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

He's about to announce new ICBM silos at the Kennedy Center. And possibly machine-gun towers at Mar-a-Lago. It just stands to reason.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

DJT has promised to add an AI Force to his Space Force. I'm sure a Crypto Force will follow. May I sugget a Food Force, a Health Force, and a Rent Force? Oh, and maybe an Epstein Force?

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

f he'd going to try to demolish the Kennedy Center, he'll do it on a weekend. Like this weekend. Probably at night. Like tonight.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Trump bans, CNN, MSNOW, and Politico from the White House. There'a badge of honor for you.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Word is, he's contemplating firing John Roberts and replacing him with Natalie Harp.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

It's not AI that will kill us. Imagine if private companies were in charge of nuclear weapons. The murderer is capitalism.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

People are asking why a rich kid like Trump Junior would need the Russkies to pick up the tab for his wedding? 1) Trumps never pay for anything themselves. 2) No matter how rich they are, they always want more. 3) You don't say no to Uncle Vlad.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

I don't get this. Democrats have one day to vote, November 3rd, but Republicans get two days --November 4 AND 5! That doesn't seem fair.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

What's depressing is that if DJT promised every American a unicorn for standing on their heads and singing Dixie, the talking heads would debate the cost and whether Congress would approve. It's a UNICORN, ferchrissake!

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Okay, so Trump fell asleep while sitting through Hegseth's speech today. An uncommonly wise use of his time. But why were he and Melania sitting at all? The ex-presidents do not seem to have been sitting at Ground Zero.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

WHY did Trump promise $5,000 if Repubs win the House and Senate? Because he knows they're not going to. And he can then blame the Democrats for Americans not getting their goodies.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Writing a book is like driving on Lombard Street when you’ve never heard of Lombard Street.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

My all-time favorite Playboy bunny? Gloria Steinem.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

The talking heads on MSNOW are always worried about "creeping authoritarianism." What's with the creeping? Who's creeping? It's sprinting authoritarianism. Galloping, streaking, jet-fueled authoritarianism. Don't pussyfoot around, talking heads.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Now he wants to rename the Strait of Hormuz the Strait of Trump. I have a better idea. Rename Niagara Falls Trump Falls. Because we live in hope.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

It's more of a trivial pursuit, really.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

Think Dolly Parton was universally beloved? Nope. Children's Health Defense, the rabid antivaxx group founded by RFK, Jr., posted this tweet a couple days ago: "How many people did Dolly Parton kill pushing vaccines?" Step away from the brain worms, guys.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

After the universal acclaim that has followed his rebranding of Lake Ontario, DJT is now considering an executive order renaming Lake Superior as Lake Low IQ.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

Taking Dolly instead of Donnie proves the Old Man in the Sky needs bifocals.

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Kevin M. Kruse @kevinmkruse.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

We’ve reached the “salting the earth” part of the regime’s demise

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

Now he wants to rename Lake Ontario "Lake America." Because "the Gulf of America" really took off.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

Apparently there's a movement to grant AI "personhood"--legal rights. This is perfectly fine as long as you get your pet Roomba spayed and list your vibrator as your plus one at weddings.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

Thinking of changing my online moniker to "therealtimothymiller." Maybe it'll give people the impression that I'm important enough to try to impersonate.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

I'm sorry, but if you want a tropical storm that's about to turn into a hurricane to be taken seriously, you don't name it LALA. What's next, Hurricane Puddy-Tat?

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M Meerkat @kackbro.bsky.social · 08/08/2026

THIS 👇 HERE......

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

he greatest trick the devils at Big Tech ever pulled was convincing the world to use AI to suss out AI.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

Mitch McConnell has been released from the hospital. He was seen waving to bystanders from his hearse.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

Y'know, even if the Democrats WERE Marxists, I'd choose them over Republican Nazis.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

Due to the salmonella/cyclospora/screw worm/black death outbreaks, the CDC has issued a recommendation that Americans avoid food. This warning is in effect until January 20th, 2029. Americans are urged to consume shoe leather instead.

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TimothyMiller Author @timomiller.bsky.social · 29/07/2026

The press seems to have settled on the word "pragmatic" to characterize the twists and turns of Lindsey Graham's career. I think the word "craven" is closer to the mark.

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