iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 14h

According to those familiar with the test results, Hegseth’s estrogen count would place him in the 99th percentile of all women.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 14h

Mascara streaking down his cheeks, Hegseth howled in protest, claiming that the blood test “reeked of DEI.” . “I wasn’t surprised by his reaction,” said the doctor who administered the test. “It’s that time of the month.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 14h

Hegseth Furious | Andy Borowitz [Satire] · WASHINGTON—Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reportedly “exploded with rage” on Friday after a blood test he had required for all service members over 30 showed that he had “extremely high” levels of estrogen.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 19h

Fellow Texans, We should care about the character of the next person we choose to be the next senator from Texas. The choice is clear: Talarico for Texas!

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 19h

Trump PSA Cartoon by Clay Jones | Claytoonz . Here's a public service announcement: Donald Trump's name is in the Epstein files over 38,000 times . I'm sure somewhere there are Republicans saying this is “exactly what I voted for.” . There are 34 days left until the midterms.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 20h

Donald Trump helped Paxton defeat incumbent Sen. John Cornyn; Republicans must now spend as much as $200 million defending the resulting nominee. Pro-Paxton groups could outspend Talarico’s side nearly five to one.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 20h

Every dollar poured into Texas is a dollar unavailable for another Senate race. The party chose a scandal-burdened candidate, transformed a stronghold into a battleground and then opened the vault to repair the damage.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 20h

Call it The Trump Doctrine...forcing the GOP to spend a fortune to manage a risk he created himself. 🤣

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 20h

A newly created Republican super PAC spent $131 million in 17 days to rescue Ken Paxton’s Senate campaign, including $61.4 million in just two days. That is roughly $7.7 million daily for a candidate tied with Democrat James Talarico in a state the GOP once considered safely theirs, Axios reported.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 20h

Furryphobia Cartoon by Clay Jones | Claytoonz . Tommy Tuberville is DUMB. . Alabama’s Tommy Tuberville is proving to be the dumbest member of the United States Senate, which is an impressive feat considering the GOP competition for the title.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

Swinging for the Midterms Cartoon by Clay Jones | Claytoonz . Ken Paxton privately says that Trump's midterm convention hurt him . For the first time in his life, Ken Paxton may have said something true.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

Trump replied, “Well, Letitia James is a corrupt person. She’s totally corrupt, and I cannot imagine it, and I feel badly for whoever she’s looking at, because they won’t get a fair shake. Letitia James is a corrupt person.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

Back in the 1980s, Donald Trump took out full-page ads in New York City newspapers, calling for the death penalty for the Central Park Five, minority youths who were wrongly accused of rape.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

I get the impression that he is not going to do something similar for the Cornell Seven frat f*cks, accused of rape in this instance. . James had campaigned on investigating Trump and the Trump Organization, and won her civil fraud lawsuit against them in 2024.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

The judge imposed a $364 million penalty and restricted Trump’s ability to do business in New York. Trump appealed, and the monetary penalty was vacated, but the fraud ruling was upheld.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

After he returned to office, Trump weaponized the Justice Department and had James investigated for allegations of mortgage fraud. The case was ultimately thrown out, and two grand juries declined to re-indict her.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

Trump feels bad for accused rapists because he knows James is good at her job. He also feels bad for privileged fat boys who have been accused of rape because a court found him liable for rape in New York City. Our “law-and-order” president (sic) is a rapist who sides with rapists.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

Trump believes he’s entitled to do whatever the hell he wants without any consequences, whether it's sexual assault, rape, or barging into teenage girls’ locker rooms.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

“Jane Doe,” a student at Cornell University in New York, is pressing charges against seven members of a fraternity, accusing them of gang raping her.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

Tompkins County, N.Y., district attorney Matthew Van Houten reviewed her complaint and declined to bring criminal charges, saying there was not sufficient evidence to do so.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

Jane Doe filed a complaint that prompted at least a dozen hearings by the school’s Title IX committee, which is supposed to ensure compliance with federal civil rights laws.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

Governor Kathy Hochul appointed James on Thursday to investigate the allegations, saying that the Van Houten “undercut” her faith in the probe. . Trump has not expressed any empathy toward the victim, only for the accused rapists. . There are 32 days left until the midterms.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 21h

Cornell 7 Cartoon by Clay Jones | Claytoonz . What do Trump and the Cornell 7 have in common? . Outside the White House today, Donald Trump was asked by Fox News’ Peter Doocy, “What do you think about New York’s governor appointing a special prosecutor in the Cornell rape case — Letitia James?”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Although Graham appeared barely sentient throughout Tuesday’s proceedings, she did not emit what were universally viewed as the session’s most idiotic utterances, a broad majority of Americans agreed.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

No one, perhaps, was more surprised at her not being the dumbest senator on display than Graham herself, who called the hearings “a big win for yours truly.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

“I guess the bar for intelligence in the Senate was much lower than I thought,” she told reporters. “Now I can see how Chuck Grassley has managed to stick around this place for 900 years.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Nation Shocked That Darline Graham Not Stupidest Senator on Judiciary Committee | Andy Borowitz [Satire] . WASHINGTON (Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans were in a state of shock after discovering that Lindsey Graham’s sister Darline is not the stupidest member of the Senate Judiciary Committee.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Grilling prosecutor Jack Smith, Schmitt barked, “Am I sitting over here on a hole in the ground? Yes or no answer.” . “No,” Smith calmly replied. “You’re sitting on your a$$.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

The mix-up overshadowed an earlier goof by the committee chairman, Senator Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa), who seemingly mistook $hit for Shinola.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Eric Schmitt Confuses A$$ with Hole in the Ground | Andy Borowitz [Satire] . WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an embarrassing attempt at a “gotcha” moment in Tuesday’s Senate Judiciary Committee hearings, Senator Eric Schmitt (R-Missouri) appeared to confuse his a$$ with a hole in the ground..

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

“I wish Don Jr. the best in his new marriage,” Umar Kremlev, who is close to Russian President Vladimir Putin, said. “But if it turns out like his first one, his divorce is on me.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Kremlev said that, in the event of such a split, “I’ll cover the legal bill and pay his ex-wife alimony—in crypto instead of real money, of course.” . The oligarch stressed, however, that he was not offering to finance the divorce “of everyone named Trump,” adding, “I’ve already said no to Melania.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Russian Who Funded Don Jr’s Wedding Also Funding His Divorce | Andy Borowitz [Satire] . MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—The Russian oligarch who paid for Donald J. Trump Jr.’s recent wedding revealed on Tuesday that he would also bankroll the newlywed’s divorce.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

“President Trump’s proposed monument is a brazen appropriation of the arch designed by Mr. Hitler’s Nazi architect, Albert Speer,” the lawsuit charged. “It is our duty as trustees of the Adolf Hitler Estate to ensure that the Fuhrer’s intellectual property rights are vigorously protected.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Furthermore, the lawyers alleged, “Trump’s entire presidency has crossed the line from homage to outright plagiarism of Mr. Hitler’s Third Reich™.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

The attorneys cited over 900 examples to support that claim, including their assertion that White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller “is nothing more nor less than a karaoke version of Heinrich Himmler.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Hitler Estate Sues Trump for Stealing Arch Design | Andy Borowitz [Satire] . WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The estate of Adolf Hitler sued Donald J. Trump on Thursday for what it called the “blatant theft” of the late German chancellor’s design for an arch of triumph in Berlin.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

“Two and nine have treated me very unfairly,” said Trump, calling the numbers “low I.Q.” . Going forward, sources said, the White House will report Trump’s approval rating in base 3, which means that 29% will convert to 1002%.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Trump hinted darkly that his war on numbers might just be getting started, alleging that the entire numerical system “was invented by Arabs who hate America.”

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Trump Bans Numbers 2 and 9 After Approval Rating Hits 29 | Andy Borowitz [Satire] . WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an unprecedented attack on two prominent integers, on Monday Donald J. Trump banned the numerals 2 and 9 after his approval rating dropped to 29.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Cartoon by Pedro Molina | Tribune Content Agency

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Cartoon by Matt Wuerker | Andrews McMeel

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Cartoon by Lee Judge | King Features

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Cartoon by Mike Luckovich | Creators

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Cartoon by John Branch | King Features

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Cartoon by Jack Ohman | Tribune Content Agency

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Sen. Eric Schmitt came to former special counsel Jack Smith’s Senate Judiciary Committee hearing loaded for bear. Schmitt wanted to know whether Smith had attended an Atlanta Hawks–Golden State Warriors game on Feb. 3, 2024,...

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

... suggesting darkly that the trip would place Smith in Atlanta around the time Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis was under scrutiny over her relationship with special prosecutor Nathan Wade. Smith said he hadn’t attended the game.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Schmitt then triumphantly produced text messages he insisted proved otherwise and warned Smith not to perjure himself before declaring, “I think you’ve already perjured yourself.” . There was just one tiny problem with this Perry Mason moment: wrong Hawks. Wrong game. Wrong city.

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Thomas Benner @thomasbenner.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Smith had attended a basketball game that day, but it was the University of Iowa Hawkeyes playing Maryland in College Park, Maryland, with Caitlin Clark on the court. The Atlanta Hawks were playing 650 miles away, blissfully unaware that they would become material witnesses in a Senate hearing.

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