John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 13/10/2026License plates can only be 7 characters, this is just lazy and dumb. 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 13/10/2026What if brushing your teeth felt as good as cleaning your ears? 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 11/10/2026Tailor told me to measure my bust…. Uhhhh one tablespoon? 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 04/10/2026@shanyabug.bsky.social has kennel cough 😔 please pray for them 020
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 02/10/2026There’s a cop car riding my ass with his lights on I think he’s trying to watch the reels on my phone too 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I heard they’re adding killing people to grand theft auto vi 110
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 14/09/2026I’m accepting all cookies, I don’t care anymore. Nothing matters anymore. 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 07/09/2026You mess with the bull, you get the corns. And those are painful. 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Someone flew an airplane into the 5G tower next to my house and now my internet is slow as fuck 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 29/08/2026Ask chatgpt to pick a number 1 through 30 it’ll say 17 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Being pregnant in a house with stairs is like Schrödinger’s Baby 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 14/08/2026It’s so funny the place where there’s so many planets and stars and galaxies for infinite lengths in all directions and the word we came up for it is “space” Because there’s like a lot of space for stuff 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Great day today!! suicide postponed for one (1) month😃 100
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 12/07/2026Just ai generate my obituary photo cuz I look chopped in everything 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 11/07/2026Massage parlor that gives unhappy endings where they tell you when and how you die 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 11/07/2026How hard is it to make a house salad??! Every place I go to makes it wrong. Except Applebees. 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 10/07/2026I’m gonna go home and watch The Cat in the Hat (2003) 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 09/07/2026Suicide postponed again!!!!!!!! Possibly big things ahead 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 03/07/2026Hard tailgating the SUV in front of me because they have a screen playing A Bug’s Life in the back seat. 020
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 01/07/2026Firing off kidney stones like a six-shooter into the public urinal 010
Reposted by Johncharlie 🎃 @shanyabug.bsky.social · 12/06/2026feeding my dog the LGBTQ dog treat to make him gay 4796
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 07/06/2026How can alcohol be bad for me if it stops me from shaking 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 31/05/2026Time to hallucinate for the next 6 hours with my eyes closed 020
Reposted by Johncharlie 🎃 @shanyabug.bsky.social · 29/05/2026“let people enjoy things” means u shouldnt shit on someones interests, not that u shouldnt be critical of anything ever 2335
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 22/05/2026I actually really fucking hated Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 20/05/2026I just heard about this whole slapping situation at the oscars 020
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 30/04/2026Any pill is a sleeping pill if you take enough of them 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 18/04/2026You guys ever look up from your phone and realize you missed three exits 💔 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 05/04/2026Vending machines kill six people every year, and the left wants to take away MY guns. 010
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 05/04/2026This year i’m going to finally catch the easter bunny 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 02/04/2026I love drinking chocolate milk and driving 98 miles per hour on the freeway 000
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 30/03/2026Not my ass redistributing the Kansas City Royals broadcast without the express written consent of the MLB 🙈 010
Reposted by JohnJohn @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 28/03/2026Tiger Woods crashing his car is a recession indicator 011
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 28/03/2026Tiger Woods crashing his car is a recession indicator 011
John @thejohnhecker.bsky.social · 25/03/2026Just bought $4000 worth of visa gift cards on my credit card and venmoed it back to myself to put in a ROTH IRA hmu for financial advice 010
