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The Heathyorker

@theheathyorker.bsky.social

2.2K followers 15 following 829 posts

Parody account swapping captions from Healthcliff and The New Yorker Not affiliated with either cartoon. Tips/donations appreciated but not necessary Cash App: cash.app/$theheathyork

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The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 10h

10/5/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff leads a yoga class for cows in a room marked yogurt. A dairy can be seen out of the window. Two men in overalls look in the room, one man says “The beautiful foliage, the nip in the air, apple pie, pumpkin pie, comfy clothes—the only thing that can ruin it all is the Jets.”

New Yorker Panel:
Two people walk down a sidewalk in front of brownstone homes. Fallen leaves are scattered on the ground. One person says "This is where the yogurt is made."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

10/2/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff stands proudly on the steps of the dog pound surrounded by pumpkins with pug faces. Two dog catchers stand in the foreground. One dog catcher says "How can you stand it out there?"

New Yorker Panel:
An insect peeks out of a pupa and says to a passing butterfly "Pug-o'-lanterns."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

10/1/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Grandpa Nutmeg catches Heathcliff giving 3 mice a bath. Grandpa puts his hands on his hips and says “The only poll that matters is the one we’ll claim is rigged on Election Day.”

New Yorker Panel:
Two people are walking on the White House lawn. One person says to the other "Just catch them."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

9/30/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff stands by an empty overturned garbage can. He covers his face and gestures for Sonja standing behind him to stay back. Two owls watch from a tree, one owl says “How did anyone ever make it through kindergarten before A.I.?”

New Yorker Panel:
In a classroom a small child holds a phone in one hand and a building block in the other. Another child sits in front of a laptop. The child with the phone says "An empty can makes him cry."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

9/29/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff flies a blimp that says 'beef cider' over the meat store. Two butchers stand outside the shop, one says “Bottom of the eighth, down two runs, anything could happen but probably won’t.”

New Yorker Panel:
Two baseball fans are at a game. One fan turns to the other and says "I love this time of year."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

9/28/26

Heathcliff Panel:
A giant, wheeled fish is parked outside of the fish market. Heathcliff pops out of a hatch on top wearing a crested ancient Greek style helmet holding a spear. Two employees inside the market watch from the window, one says “Oh, it’s perfectly safe—we put a kill switch behind the upper incisors.”

New Yorker Panel:
Workers build a massive robot with a dragonlike head and sharp teeth. A group of scientists on the ground look up at it. One scientist says "The Trojan Tuna is back."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

9/25/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff drives his ham car around the living room in a zig-zag pattern. Grandma Nutmeg and her friend watch from chairs in the corner. Grandma Nutmeg says "At some point, I need to go through all these spam campaign texts and decide who to vote for."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people walk down a sidewalk. One person is looking at their phone and says "The 'zoomies' are different around here."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

9/24/26

Heathcliff Panel:
A caged bird curses at Heathcliff as he passes. Iggy and Willy are playing video games in the other room. Willy hears the bird and turns to look saying "I'm good on books and movies. Can you recommend anything new to worry about?"

New Yorker Panel:
Two people sit at a table in a cafe. One person says "I always learn new words here."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

9/23/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is dressed as a wizard and using a magic rake leaves. Grandpa Nutmeg is watching and holding a drink. His neighbor is raking leaves next door. Grandpa says to his neighbor "I like to think of myself as the kind of person who would rescue a cat whether or not he was going to pay me."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people walk down a the sidewalk. A cat presses against the window of a parked car holding money. One person says to the other "I usually frown on his wizardry."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

9/22/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks with a giant bug to the vet's office. The vet and an employee watch from the window. The employee says to the vet "Do you ever worry about the kind of world we're leaving behind for our malevolent superintelligence?"

New Yorker Panel:
Two men walk through a row of servers in a data center. One man says "That's your two o'clock big flea problem."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

9/21/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff drives his ham car past the meat store. He has put new monster truck wheels on the ham car. Two butchers stand outside, one says to the other "My new, bafflingly complex backpack ate my homework."

New Yorker Panel:
A child stands at the teacher's desk. A backpack covered in small pockets sits on the ground next to them. The child looks up at the teacher and says "monster ham."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

9/18/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks down the sidewalk at night wearing a helmet labeled 'helmet.' Two owls watch from a tree, one owl says "It does feel like everyone's training for the marathon."

New Yorker Panel:
Four hamsters wearing tiny sweatbands run in hamster wheels. Two hamsters stand nearby, one hamster says "Sometimes a helmet is just a helmet."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

9/17/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff rides a drone while wearing a helmet that says 'meat'. The drone is being controlled by a employee at the meat store. Another employee says "Canada geese fly east for winter."

New Yorker Panel:
A flock of geese fly over Paris. The caption reads "The Meat Drone is in the experimental phase."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

9/15/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks along the boardwalk grinning. He is wearing sunglasses and a helmet that says 'sun'. The sun shines above him also grinning and wearing sunglasses. Two men watch from a boat, one of them says "Maybe we should slow down until they get some guardrails installed."

New Yorker Panel:
A car goes flying off the road and over a cliff. An unseen person in the car says "He's tight with the sun."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

9/14/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is in therapy wearing a helmet that says 'bad'. The therapist says “But, had there not been an apocalyptic flood and two of every species tasked with repopulating the earth, do you think we still end up together?”

New Yorker Panel:
Two elephants sit on a couch. One elephant says "You seem to like this particular helmet."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

9/11/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff stands at a table scraps food truck with a line of cats and dogs behind him. A man working a nearby taco truck tells a customer "I haven't finished my summer reading."

New Yorker Panel:
A man lies in bed reading, a woman in a swim suit lays on a towel on the floor also with a book. She looks up at the man and says "There are many pets in this area." There is one pet, a dog sitting on a dog bed.

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

9/10/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is at the dog pound and has trapped a chihuahua in a bubblegum bubble. A man in a tie angrily says "This is the puka-shell necklace I regrettably wore on my first day of school."

New Yorker Panel:
A mom fastens a puka-shell necklace on her daughter and says "No gum."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

9/9/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff brushes his ham car in the yard making it shine. Grandpa Nutmeg stands on the porch and tells his neighbor "Soon you will have homework."

New Yorker Panel:
A child sits across from a fortune teller. The fortune teller looks into her crystal ball and says "He's glazing the ham car."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

9/8/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff sits on the grass wearing a helmet that says rage. Iggy and Willy watch from the distance. Iggy says “Pandemonium has broken out at the U.S. Open today, as melon recalls constrain Honey Deuce production.”

New Yorker Panel:
A reporter stands outside of a stadium holding a microphone. The reporter says "Give him room today."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

9/7/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and two kittens stand outside the meat store in uniform. Another uniformed kitten helps a woman across the street. A customer watches this from inside the shop. The butcher says "Please call the office immediately."

New Yorker Panel:
A man on the beach frowns as he puts a conch shell to his ear and hears someone say "Those are The Meat Scouts."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

9/4/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff glares at a mouse courtroom sketch artist who is drawing Heathcliff, the judge, and attorney as cheese. The attorney says "Don't forget your sunglasses, jacket, umbrella, fan, and galoshes—it's going to be sunny, chilly, rainy, hot, and flooding later."

New Yorker Panel
A woman holds up sunglasses a jacket an umbrella a fan and rain boots to a man about to leave the house in shorts and a jersey. The woman says "He doesn't care for the courtroom sketch artist."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

9/3/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff pounces towards two birds on the ground. One bird days "Last dune of the summer."

New Yorker Panel:
A beachgoer stands at the foot of a gigantic dune of sand. They say "That bothers me."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

9/2/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks out of the courthouse wearing a helmet that says 'not guilty'. His attorney walks next to him and says "But the worst part of A.I. is the environmental impact."

New Yorker Panel:
The world has been taken over by robots. A line of shackled humans march by robot guards. One human says "The helmet worked."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

9/1/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks through the park carrying a flag that says 'Meh.' A man sitting on a park bench says “We have enough groceries that could imminently make us ill. Let’s grab some ultra-processed foods that’ll kill us more slowly.”

New Yorker Panel:
Two people walk through a grocery store produce section. One of them puts their hand on the other's back and says "I need one of those."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

8/31/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff sits on the witness stand in court, a brofish in a bowl sits on Heathcliff's head. The brofish bros and the judge bangs his gavel and says "These popcorn buckets are getting ridiculous."

New Yorker Panel:
A man struggles to carry a large Acme anvil full of popcorn away from the concession area at a movie theater. He says "Objection sustained."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

8/28/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is playing a guitar underwater next to a humpback whale. Two people watch from a boat. One person says "Now that they changed the name of our lake, I probably won't get my mail-in ballot."

New Yorker Panel:
Two fish are talking underwater, one fish says "Humpback jam."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

8/27/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Grandma Nutmeg, Mrs. Jablonski, and Heathcliff look at a cuckoo clock. A small clown pops out of the clock and says "A yo-yo on vacation." Grandma Nutmeg says "Let's stay here forever!"

New Yorker Panel:
A gigantic sentient yo-yo sits on a beach chair next to a sleeping woman. The yo-yo says "He won't attack the clown." The caption reads coo-coo.

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

8/26/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and The Catillac Cats are walking towards the city dump. Two sanitation workers watch from the fence. One worker says "Today's 9 to 5: Dedicated to Dolly Parton."

New Yorker Cartoon:
A woman sits at her work desk looking at a picture of Dolly Parton. The caption reads It's where old friends get together.

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

8/25/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and Sonja float above the street. The Jablonskis watch from a window. Mrs. Jablonski says "Luckily, the A.I. trolley will decide who to kill all on its own."

New Yorker Panel:
An illustration of The Trolley Problem. Two technicians stand where there was once the lever to change tracks. One technician says "We need more gum in our lives."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

8/24/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff sits in the window as Grandma Nutmeg raises a flag in the yard that says "Back to School Sale". A mailman and a man walking his dog stop and look. The mailman says "It's going up earlier than usual today."

New Yorker Panel:
A businessman walks down the sidewalk and eyes a small child with sporting equipment spread out on a blanket. A sign says "Ugh".

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

8/21/26

Heathcliff Panel:
A white cat with glasses stands between Heathcliff and Spike on the sidewalk. Heathcliff is cursing while the white cat repeats it to Spike. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says "It's kind of a shame, really. Before tennis they sued to be the best of friends."

New Yorker Panel:
A man plays tennis with a dog. Two women watch from nearby. One woman says "That's his interpreter, Diogenes."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

8/20/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff uses a giant toothbrush to brush a white whale's teeth from a boat. Two birds perch on the whale. One bird says “Me? I’m a refugee from the meaningless, soul-killing, rapacious, stressed-out world of finance, but just for the last two weeks of August.”

New Yorker Panel:
Two people sit at a tiki bar. One of them says "Wait till you see the dental floss."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

8/18/26

Heathcliff Panel"
Heathcliff walks to the gangway of a boat wearing a chum helmet. The captain calls out to the crew "Let Mama sleep. She was up late last night staring at her phone."

New Yorker Panel:
A child reaches across a bed to wake their sleeping mother. The dad stands in the doorway and says "All right. The rest of you, put your helmets on."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

8/17/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Pops pushes Heathcliff on a swing. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says "I just got out of a pretty serious relationship."

New Yorker Panel:
A man wearing the back half of a horse costume talks to a woman at the bar while the person wearing the front half sits at a table in the corner. The man wearing the back half says to the woman "You're always a kid to your dad."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

8/14/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Dogs run away as Heathcliff belches out a giant cloud of Heathcliff-shaped gas. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says "I bet we're missing some great package deliveries."

New Yorker Panel:
A couple sits on the beach. One person looks at their phone and says "Dogs tremble at his breath's approach."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 13/08/2026

8/13/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and his friends fly over the neighborhood in their dank blimp. Sonja stands at the end of the sidewalk forepaws on hips. Sonja's owners stand in the foreground. One of them says "It was O.K. — the real world is scarier."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people stand outside the House of Horror at a carnival. One of them says "She's tired of the dank blimp."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

8/12/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff scuba dives with hammer-head sharks. He swims towards them with a claw hammer. Three fish watch nearby. One fish says "My best defense against mosquitoes may be their preference for you."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people walk, the person in the foreground sprays something on her hand. The person in the background is covered in bumps and is moving erratically. The person in the foreground says "They usually don't welcome outsiders."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

8/11/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Jimmy stands in front of a storefront with the word 'influencer' written in large letters on the window. Heathcliff and Iggy watch from the other side of the street. Iggy says "Everyone likes how it sparkles, but no one wants to talk about what it's for."

New Yorker Panel:
A blood covered unicorn stands in a meadow with a horse. The unicorn asks "Still nothing?"

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 10/08/2026

8/10/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff drives his ham car by the meat store. The butcher stands outside and remarks to a woman "We were hoping it would teach him about military quagmires. Instead, he wants to send dragons to Hormuz."

New Yorker Panel:
President Trump watches House of The Dragon. Two staffers watch from the other side of the room. One staffer says "That's a luxury ham."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 07/08/2026

8/7/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Two farmers watch as Heathcliff milks a cow. One farmer says "And we can start talking about them in three, two, one..."

New Yorker Panel:
A couple leaves a home as their hosts wave goodbye. One of the people leaving says "He got rid of some mice in the barn."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 06/08/2026

8/6/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is in a sailboat. A white whale surfaces, spouts water from it's blowhole, and says "Me Thinking of All the Reasons I Would Plead the Fifth About My Actions During the Pandemic."

New Yorker Panel:
A man remembers hoarding toilet paper, yelling during a Zoom meeting, and laying on the couch covered in crumbs. He thinks to himself "You should lay off the krill cologne."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 05/08/2026

8/5/26

Heathcliff Panel:
A man buys a hot dog from a cart in the park. Heathcliff looms behind him in a hot dog costume. The vendor says "It feels bleak now, but one day this will make a great true-crime documentary."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people watch tv as a graphic saying 'More breaking news from Washington, D.C.' appears on screen. One person says "Don't make any sudden movements."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 04/08/2026

8/4/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks down the sidewalk with his fairy godmother protecting him with a magical umbrella. Two birds watch from a wire. One bird says "The days and the time between Trump's Iran policy flip-flops are getting shorter."

New Yorker Panel:
A man looks forlornly out a window and says to a person behind him "His fairy godmother."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 03/08/2026

8/3/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff visits a ice cream stand on the board walk. The ice cream man says "I enjoyed the fifteen minutes of the movie that wasn’t spoiled by four theatrical trailers, eight teaser trailers, leaked behind-the-scenes photos, interviews with the cast, comic nerds on TikTok, and influencers who went to the première.”

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 31/07/2026

7/31/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff hides in a bush and blows into a whistle. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says “If you’re getting out of the water, you need to reapply.”

New Yorker Panel:
The Goddess Venus arrives on the shore on a giant shell. The Hora of Spring holds a tube of sunscreen to Venus and says "He can perfectly mimic worm song."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

7/30/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff uses magic to levitate a ham away from the meat store. Two employees watch from the sidewalk. One of them says "It seems it's O.K. to wear shorts to the office, but definitely not socks with sandals."

New Yorker Panel:
A businessman wearing short sleeves, shorts, socks, and sandals comes home and says "I love my job."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

7/29/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Moby Dick surfaces ready to eat Heathcliff fishing in his boat. Two seagulls fly overhead. One gull says "But enough about Bravo TV stars— what's new with you?"

New Yorker Panel:
Two women sit at a bar. One of them smiling says "It's one of those days." the second woman looks shocked by what was said.

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 28/07/2026

7/28/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Two mice run around a corner while Heathcliff stands on his hind legs wearing dress shoes. Grandpa Nutmeg looks away from his paper and says "Did she have a parrot? Cases are much easier to solve when there's a parrot."

New Yorker Panel:
A detective investigates a crime scene and says to a woman "You'll never catch them in those dress shoes."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 27/07/2026

7/27/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is on a sailboat that is being pushed by wind coming from a cloud with his face. Two seagulls watch from the shore. One seagull asks "Is this the line to storm the castle or for the viral fro-yo?"

New Yorker Panel:
Knights are lined up outside a castle. A food truck is parked near the castle entrance. One knight joins the line and says the knight in front of him "He's the next of kin to the wayward wind."

The Heathyorker @theheathyorker.bsky.social · 24/07/2026

7/24/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and The Summer Mummy walk with ice cream cones on the boardwalk. The ice cream stand employee tells a customer "Just so you know, this is the most stuff we can bring without applying for a building permit."

New Yorker Panel:
A couple sets up a picnic at the beach. One of them says "The summer mummy gets the sand flavor."