iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 18/11/2025

Am going to stop posting here. Social media implies there will be contact. I get one like per 20 posts here and while I appreciate that like, I'm going back to where I have at least a little interaction. I guess y'all can consider my Bsky account defunct. Look me up on fb or Threads. Sad.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 16/11/2025

A good first date, we walked down an Albuquerque alleyway just talking. I think I'd like to see her again.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 16/11/2025

Meeting her at noon at a park up the road. I'm not really nervous anymore, after the conversations we've had this last week, I'm just curious. Certain things cannot be faked. Lets find out.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 16/11/2025

After chatting again all day I think we're going to try meet for the first time irl tomorrow. So nervous, but so curious too.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 15/11/2025

Overwhelmed with swooning yall Shes just like me.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 15/11/2025

A delay, but it's not a problem. We're still looking at meeting up but check engine lights come first.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 14/11/2025

My only real goal for today is to not psych myself out about tomorrow. The worst thing that could happen? I've made a new friend. Sticking to the plan, follow the rules, just be myself. I realize this might sound simple to everyone else but I'm pretty well know for fucking things up.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 14/11/2025

I asked a new girl out and she said yes! I'm batting pretty high on fb dating. I've had 5 dates in total and one two year relationship. Now another date? Not too bad. 😃😃😃

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 12/11/2025

My therapist reminded me I'm not looking for an escape, my actual goal is survival. I should expand my circle, break routines, disrupt repetition. Even an act like walking home in a new direction can shift the focus. The aim is to change it up. Break rhythm, survive. Such a good #therapy session.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 12/11/2025

I have a strange feeling that tonight might be a little more than just another average night for me. Of course I recognize that could be pure delusion too, I tend to lead with my heart. I just really like this one, y'all. Cross your fingers for me, okay?

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 11/11/2025

Remembering my Dad today, Retired E-8 USAF '63-'83. A bipolar alcoholic/addict with 4 divorces, he once told me I was a much better father than he had been. Whenever I was struggling as a parent, I would deliberately do the opposite of what he would have done. Pretty simple. Thank you Dad.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 08/11/2025

Old punk band tshirts are the best.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 08/11/2025

Kind of in an off mood since yesterday. I'm going to keep to myself tonight and try focus on my responsibilities, and to do my best to mind my own business. Going to try to focus on constructive and creative things.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 07/11/2025

1 of 3 So today's #AwfulFirstDate was something else. In addition to several other glaring red flags (getting lost at a major intersection, discussing her former meth cook within the first 5 minutes) she told me Trump was sent by God to remove all the corrupt politicians. My jaw hit the floor.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 06/11/2025

D for disaster, E for my eyes, A for anger, D until I die, M for Mona, O oh good, O oh good, N for the night DEAD MOON NIGHT DEAD MOON NIGHT

Your humble narrator wearing a Dead Moon T-shirt.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 06/11/2025

I'm going on a coffee date with a new friend this morning. My therapist told me this is incredibly healthy for me, because I'm building connection, practicing emotional presence and reclaiming agency. It's supposed to build confidence too. I'm still nervous though.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

My bedroom window underneath the Albuquerque moon.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 04/11/2025

I've had more than one person I love say I'm not listening today, that I don't come across like I'm asking, I come across like I'm telling. This hurt my feelings, which is a sure sign that they were right. Feeling ill/having insomnia is no excuse. I am grateful I have therapy this week.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 03/11/2025

One positive thing about being a lonesome insomniac with a broken heart? I'm writing music again.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 01/11/2025

New original music from me, the first new song in a while. Caution, this one comes in hot. youtube.com/shorts/w0OEs...

youtube.com

Never Eating That Much Candy Again

YouTube video by Teddy Rannila

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 31/10/2025

A tough year for me emotionally. A lot of change, much of which was unwanted, but necessary. I'm still walking my way, but it hasn't been easy. I'd like to harvest the fields of the heartache and sacrifice it all to the fire tonight. Burn it clean, make ready for the winter. Happy Samhain.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 30/10/2025

Managed to get some sleep last night, 6 hours, which isn't enough, but it's double what I've been getting as of late. Grateful. I get god damned goofy when I don't sleep right. Gonna nap today if I can.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 29/10/2025

Wrote a long letter to my ex gf, probably wasn't that well thought out. Forgive me. I've not been sleeping well. Didn't ask her to come back, didn't tell her to fuck off, what I did was let out a lot of emotions onto paper. She's usually someone I can trust with this. Hope I didn't piss her off.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 28/10/2025

#autism My therapist recommended trying to activate my diving reflex the next time I was overwhelmed and near meltdown. I tried it, and I calmed down and was able to sleep. I think I just found a new tool to use to help regulate myself. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diving_...

en.wikipedia.org

Diving reflex - Wikipedia

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 27/10/2025

I'm considering a trip to my hometown by greyhound in 2026. My best friend's mom passed away and though I probably can't make the funeral, I could save a few months and make the trip in the new year. This is all in the brainstorming stage but yeah. It might be time to go home for a week or two.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 27/10/2025

1:13 am, fighting off ghosts of the past. i'm so lonesome. if I'm supposed to be alone, why do i feel so heartsick? is this energy just supposed to be wasted? i need to stop, when i wake up tomorrow i'm going to be ashamed i sat up all night wishing for the impossible. again.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 26/10/2025

New #cat in our place! Meet Butter. She's absolutely the sweetest cat, too. Very friendly!

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 26/10/2025

Our harvest from the pomegranate trees in the back yard this year. Not as fruitful in 2025, both trees need pruning badly. Will do it in the off-season. Still managed to get about 40lbs or so. Thank you Persephone.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 24/10/2025

Eli gave me a pinch of kief to go with my flower this morning....

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 24/10/2025

1:04am Me, to myself: Don't message her, don't do it, she's sleeping and you should be too. Don't do it Teddy. Leave her alone. Stop. It's a terrible idea. You need to go to sleep.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 23/10/2025

"Feast when you can and dream when there's nothing to feast on" Quote on the sticker from the Mountain Goats song 'Steal Smoked Fish," which a fan made and sent me through the mail. For free.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 22/10/2025

Eli said I had a little left on my debit this month and I could blow it on whatever, so I bought a few band t-shirts. I think I should do this more often. My collection grows... And now I have a Butthole Surfers shirt on the way. 😀

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 21/10/2025

Met someone, chatted online, was beginning to feel like she might be someone worth getting to know better, but when I asked for assurance that she was real and who she said she was, she stalled, then deflected. So I blocked her. Gotta be careful, it IS the internet you know.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 18/10/2025

Eli brought home donuts, he said he picked the fritter for me. It was a strawberry fritter! I never even heard of such a thing. So good.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 18/10/2025

Another freezing night upstairs, it must have beendown to about 50f up here... the heater was supposed to be running but it never cycled on. Rob got it turned on for real this morning. My back and hip are very grateful for the WHOOSH it makes when it turns on. Like a jet engine.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 17/10/2025

Thursdays are awesome, because on Thursdays if you buy an ounce of weed at the local dankery, they throw in 7 grams of kief. Grateful.

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 17/10/2025

Finally feeling more like myself, I had a cold last week and a bout of a stomach bug the last couple days, but I woke up and I didn't feel like crap today. Happy about that part. Not sure what happens today. I've been a mess for a while though. Nice to not be sick,

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Teddy Rannila @teddyrannila.bsky.social · 16/10/2025

Got sick last night. Again this morning. Eli got me Pepto and 7-up. Ugh.

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