{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 28/09/2026BREAKING REPORT: MY BALLS ARE NOT GOING TO RECOVER FROM THE THIRD DEGREE BURNS DONE TO THE CANCER TISSUE. MY GOFUND ME IS AT 300,000$ BUT I ACCIDENTALLY SPENT IT ON GUNS AND BEER FOR EVERYONE IN MY TOWN EXCEPT THE LIBERALS. IF ANYONE HAS NEW BALLS THEY CAN DONATE I WILL BE TOO PROUD TO TAKE THEM 000
{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 13/09/2026MY BALLS ARE NOT TINY!! THEY WERE HUGE UNTIL THEY EXPLODED FROM 12000 WATTS AND LETHAL AMOUNTS OF AMERAGE, THAT LUCKILY DIDN'T KILL ME BECAUSE I'M LTIERALLY TOO STUPID TO DIE. YOU FAIL UPWARD IN EVERY POLICE FORCE AND IN LIFE TOO IT TURNS OUT! 000
{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 13/09/2026OFFICER DOWN! MASTER POLICE OFFICER RAY CHARLES EPSTEIN (NO RELATION TO EITHER) TAZED HIS PARTNER DEPUTY CHUCK WILSON'S BALLS SO EXPLODED HE WILL NEVER HAVE KIDS THE NORMAL WAY AGAIN, OR EVER BECAUSE HE DIED IN THE LINE OF DUTY FROM A SEXUALLY INDUCED HEART ATTACK. THE SCENE IS NOT SECURE!! 010
Reposted by {SADPD} Officer Tazerballs{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 29/08/2026DAMNIT IT HAPPENED AGAIN 001
{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 06/09/2026I would like to have a moment for our fallen officer Joseph Love, whose K9 unit attacked him after Private Love (no jokes please) tried to assault a female inmate and accidentally tased his own balls, causing a fatal aneurysm in the artery to his tazer-glove-hand, killing him instantly. RIP. 😢 000
{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 29/08/2026OHHH I SHOULD NOT HAVE WORN THOSE GLOVES WHEN STROKING THE HOG, ALSO I AM THE HOG FOR ONLY WANTING TO JERK ME BALLS BUT WOE IS ME, I GOT THEM IN A VICE GRIP NOW AND I CAN'T LET GO!!! CALL FOR BACKUP!!! 041
Reposted by {SADPD} Officer Tazerballs{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 29/08/2026OOOOOOOH OWIE I TAZED MY BALLS!!!! OOOOOH OWIE, OOH OWW OWW OWW OWW OWW!! OH MY BALLS ARE GOING TO EXPLODE!!! OOOOH OWIE OWIE!!! 032
{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 29/08/2026I'm going to nonchalantly scratch my balls while unrelatedly wearing prototype ICE taser gloves. 010
{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 29/08/2026WHY DO THEY PUT THE TAZER SO CLOSE TO MY INFLATED BALLSACK THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEKEND OOOOH OWIE OWIE 010
{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 29/08/2026OOOOOOOH OWIE I TAZED MY BALLS!!!! OOOOOH OWIE, OOH OWW OWW OWW OWW OWW!! OH MY BALLS ARE GOING TO EXPLODE!!! OOOOH OWIE OWIE!!! 032
{SADPD} Officer Tazerballs @tazerballs.bsky.social · 29/08/2026#Officer #TazerBalls reporting for duty! 030