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Disappointment all around. Dylan doesn't get to save his Commonwealth. Tyr doesn't get to save the Nietszcheans. Harper doesn't get his revenge genocide. Rev is still self-loathing. The only one happy is Trance, as she gleefully lops off an entire HALF of her mystical bonsai tree

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And the penny drops: Tyr's fashionably late to the battle because the Niets had a legend about this battle: they had the ships and they knew they were going to win, but "in the critical hour the angel of Death appeared summoning forth the fires of Hell". Tyr wanted to see the prophecy self-fulfill

Meanwhile, Keith Hamilton Cobb does everything he can to pull this ep along. In this nice scene with Trance, Tyr grapples with his options: kill Trance, steal the Maru, betray Dylan and save his people, or betray his people to the Long Night and restore history

Tyr weighing his options with Trance, who caught him in the act

So Harper ends up confined to quarters with a side of snark, Tyr flirts hot and cold with Beka over some slipstream drive repairs, and Dylan tells Gar the truth in a bid to save and bring her forward into the future. Causality, however, had other plans for the Valor

Rev Bem explains that fate has brought them here for a purpose, and it's only now does Dylan realize to not fuck with time. Harper, on the other hand, wants to kill the bad guys, and secretly rigs Andromeda to shoot a doomsday weapon into the nebula, atomizing the fleet

Dylan and Rev stare at the Renewed Valor while thinking about fate

*FLASH* It's the Renewed Valor, Dylan's 305 years dead friend Yazgar's ship! And she's here to confirm what we already knew: this is gonna be a time travel episode.... Specifically, we're two days before the Battle of Witchhead, and Beka's dad is the only one with sense: don't mess with time travel

The Renewed Valor--a ship that looks like the Andromeda--emerges from slipstream

Bro, you're pissed off about an unauthorized flying lesson that you could've stopped at any point in time after she took the ship to slipstream. 'Course, that would have required you to ask your AI what the fuck's going on BEFORE leaving your quarters. Better question, why did Rommie let it happen?

Same comment about her being a damn lie, but this time, they had her *literally* play dumb for like five minutes to sell it. Here, the tune hurt the moment, but not fatally as it appears Bertram couldn't pick which expression to land on and just parked it on both

A quick second to crack on fits. Keep in mind, velour/crush velvet was still a thing back at the turn of the millennium, but this should be a fashion charge. Dylan's not doing too good over there. Dark blue and black makes him look like a dick, a spy, or arch. Good thing he's not rocking a goat...

And in today's edition of "How in the Fuck Did This Man Become Captain?!" Capt Chunt walks at least half a click to ANGRILY DEMAND an answer to a question he could have asked his ship from his quarters--hell, in transit even!--since her avatar is an accomplice #ArgosyPosting

...she did that shit on purpose. Part of me thinks that playing her mischievous melody over the scene kinda weakens the tea, but also, let's give both Laura Bertram and the director some credit here, it's played off *just* enough that it might get missed without it

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Pretty sure the ship shouldn't come out like that. Even worse....

And the lesson goes just about the way we expect: total clusterfuck. They even manage a 4th wall joke by spinning the camera wildly as she "Whoops" out of control.

Trance says "whoops" as she completely loses control of the ship

We open on Beka and Tyr giving Trance a driving lesson, and within seconds, we already know what's about to happen: the universe's most anxious driver is going to crash the car despite being taught by two of the literal best pilots in the universe. The look of sheer "terror" is all the hint you need

Beka belts Trance into the slip piloting chair while Tyr explains slipstream

Okay! #ArgosyPosting Andromeda 1x06 Angel Dark, Demon Bright. And right off the bat, what the fuck does that even mean? Once again, the quote is apt, substitute America for the Commonwealth

"The Heavens burned, the stars
cried out
And under the ashes of infinity,
Hope, scarred and bleeding,
breathed its last."
Ulatempa Poetess
"Elegy for the Commonwealth"
CY 9823

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So the ep proceeds to finish: Dylan jacks the fighters, punches the pilots out, and blows the bombs to Tyr's ire--"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!". Rommie gets a uniform, joins the crew Mapes takes the GStatCom spot the showrunners hath made for him... ..and Dylan secretly jacks a nuke, just in case

Mapes, giving a speech to the rest of the ragtag kids, having been saved by Dylan and crew, becoming their leader

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And just like the pilot ep of West Wing, the self-proclamation of divinity--at least on Andromeda--is our first introduction to Rommie. She undoes every single thing Hyak has done, and gravity pins them to the floor. Her being naked is a bonus. Harper proudly (and rightly lol) calls *his* "divinity"

Lexa Doig as Rommie, topless (framed above the sternum)

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Surprise, surprise, Hyak and his boys take the ship and he sent the rest of the fighters to do kamekazis. Dylan plays the Messiah card and says he can jack their fighters. When that fails, Hyak reveals his trump card: I can read, muhfucka! Harper brings in Nassan to pull rank. Hyak pulls a coup

Hyak and his boys take the ship. Hyak is holding a gun--LEFT-HANDED--at Dylan (who is offscreen)

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Here we discuss the "merits" of religion. Hyak's like "If you're our messiah, beat this Magog to death right here on the spot there". Dylan says "No, because I'm an adult, I can read, and you kids are fucked up". Well that's all Hyak needed to hear, and with a face like that you know what's next..

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Act 4 starts the morality play. Beka feels guilty having Harper sabotage the fighters and Harper wants the kids to keep up the good work due to the Magog and Nietz conquests of Earth. Dylan shows Kate an "innocent" Magog--Rev. Hyak goes FULL arch, captures Tyr, tricks Trance and gets Rev

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We find Trance's med scans show that Nassan and Hyak's generation is fucked, but they can save Mapes on down if they give the kids nanobots shots. Dylan sends Tyr to steal the nukes, while he tries to talk Nassan. *THAT'S* when Hyak tells Dylan the jihad is on, by Dylan's blessing Gando and Mapes

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And there it is! Tyr makes Dylan to play Messiah to grab the nukes AND get them to join up! But the kids aren't dumb. Hyak calls bs on the spot, and forces him to bless holy warriors--one getting a name before his obvious sacrifice If this were Starfleet, they'd have kicked him the fuck out by now

Dylan realizing he's been out-logicked--AGAIN--by kids

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Here's why I love Tyr: he's the only one that can be a dick about putting Dylan in his place and be right. Tyr: Use 'em Dylan: Not by force Tyr: Sell 'em and get fucking rich! Dylan: Not buying them off either. Everyone who wants in has to know what's what Tyr: Even children? Dylan: ......Fuck.

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Captain Xunt flies through a debris field, finds feral kids on a station, detects radiation, opens a door that the kids say will start the ominous sounding Day of Lightning, and only after the kids arm the space nukes that Beka can tell they're nukes How in the fuck did this man become captain?!

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*Dylan opens the door to the shrine, see the below* Dylan: Sweet! Fighters! Nassan: Hyak and Mapes, as you've practised *Dylan settles in for another silly ritual* *Boys take launch keys from around their necks* Dylan: Dafuq?! *Station goes to DEFCON 1* Dylan: Oh fuck!

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Behold, the Room of Knowledge! It's not just where we learn Harper's perv preferences, but that the reason why there's fifteen generations of oral history is because fourteen of them couldn't read!

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If it wasn't abundantly clear that showrunners are HEAVILY marketing Mapes, this scene leaves no doubt as he has ZERO problem macking on the purple girl. It's so bad there's an off-screen voice calling him out on it ("Mapes likes everyone!")

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Just want to take a breath to simultaneously applaud and read the fit here. If you're going to use pleather, this is the best way. Love the skirt--I WANT the jacket--and even the leggings work. Colors are nice for a purple girl....but it's that wrap top that's the problem. That and the hair

Trance Gemini in Commonwealth maroon leather jacket, wrap shirt, khaki pleather skirt and mustard leggings walks onto Command

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In contrast to Mapes over here, who's rocking the cleft and the model of the hero ship! Loving how force lances used for absolutely everything EXCEPT as the weapons they are!

Mapes holding an Andromeda model on a force lance

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Look at this crazy arch looking Hyak muhfucka . ANYONE who takes that stance is an automatic dick.....and he's just telling a story! In fairness, the story is how fourteen generations of kids survived by learning how to do murders

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Say Hi(gh guard) to GStatCom Kate Nassan, her one-st (pronounced onest or onced?) off Hyuck--I mean Hya k and her brother Wesley Cru--I mean Mapes

Hyak, Nassan, and Mapes (l to r) with the kids

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OF COURSE they get jumped.....and of course it's a bunch of feral fucking KIDS. So that's the way it's gonna be? Lord of the Flies in the 41st

Ragtag kids with guns led by a sickly looking young woman

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If flotsam cruising the baddies' ships in their backyard, fresh damage markings and this dead Magog isn't reason enough to not use your force lance as a flashlight, then I don't know what is.

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Andromeda needs resupply and Cap. Shunt shows how out of date he is and goes to repair dock San Diego (92196, get it? lol). What's bugging me is that they just told you the bad guys are nearby, you *just* flew through the remains of one of each of their blown-to-shit ships and you're not at alert?!

Andromeda cruising through a debris field

Here we go (again) Andromeda 1x03 To Loose the Fateful Lightning. Appropriate quote for the times and this post as this is take two due to a lack of save function @bsky.app... Also, what is it with these non-sequitur titles? Is this gonna be a theme?... (Battle Hymn of the Republic? Really?!)

"Those who fail to learn history
are doomed to repeat it;
those who fail to learn history correctly--
why they are simply doomed."
Achem Dro'Hm
"The Illusion of Historical Fact"
C.Y. 4971

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Tyr: You got nukes?! Dylan: Duh! How else can we war crime with impunity?! Rommie: We never used them Beka: Bullshit. Tyr: A FULL FUCKING CLIP, BRO?!?!?!?!? Dylan🤷

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Ay! Look who re-alived herself just in time to give Dylan Xunt credibility so he can "command" them

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I DO love these displays though. And accurate...mostly!

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The physics ain't physicing here. At relative rest, a ship that size trying to push the Andromeda is like a tug trying to push a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier (and you need at least three for that)

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"My court, my rules" which means 1) Bad basketball puns allowed 2) Disappearing yourself and a dude 50% larger than you half a click away in no time flat is child's play and in no way violates any kind of law of physics or kinesiology

Dylan and unconscious man being hid by a flash

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