iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

over and over again I was tormented by vain doubts —— even as I continue being tormented today —— but I regarded such doubts as only another sort of temptation to sin, and remained unshaken in my deterministic views.

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luring me on, and my mind, higher—— ever higher, up into the sky, drawing me ceaselessly up, to heights far, far above the human?

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unanswered signal of a telephone ringing in a dark room of a distant city.

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I am the man who comes and goes between the bar and the telephone booth. or, rather: that man is called “ I “ and you know nothing else about him, just as this station is called only “ station “ and beyond it there exists nothing except the

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actually the action called a kiss represented nothing more for me than some place where my spirit could seek shelter.

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it was a posture that made him look exactly like a murderer brought to bay.

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I was one of those savage marauders who, not knowing how to express their love, mistakenly kill the persons they love.

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they diffused that part and made it multiply.

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in general, things that were endowed with life would not, like the Golden Temple, have the rigid quality of existing once and for all. human beings were merely allotted one part of nature’s various attributes, and, by an effective method of substitution,

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there is no doubt that the image of what I saw then has taken on meaning anew each of the countless times it has been reviewed, intensified, focused upon.

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struck us as being a strangely volatile thing.

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the war had produced a strangely sentimental maturity in us. it arose from our thinking of life as something that would end abruptly in our twenties; we never even considered the possibility of there being anything beyond those few remaining years. life

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no visible difference existed between murderous intent and feelings of deep compassion.

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they stood looking down at my corpse.

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you were born a farmer, weren't you?

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I kept my melancholy and my agitation hidden, careful lest any trace should be left exposed.

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the only constant within the universe is change.

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before the sea's repletion, a loneliness that outwardly resembled his, I wanted to savor it completely, through his very eyes.

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my long — felt attraction toward the loneliness that filled Omi's life —— loneliness born of the fact that life had enslaved him —— had first made me want to possess the same quality; and now that I was experiencing, in this feeling of emptiness

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I was choked by desire, thinking, " I want to change into him, " thinking, " I want to be him. "

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第一の手記. @talesofmacabre.bsky.social · 5h

a seeming lamentation for the extremely vulgar mating of humanity and eternity, which could be consummated only through some such pious immorality as this.

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or was the moment teaching me how grotesque my isolation would appear to the eyes of love, and at the same time was I learning, from the reverse side of the lesson, my own incapacity for accepting love?

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第一の手記. @talesofmacabre.bsky.social · 5h

within his breast could be heard the roaring of the sea.

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第一の手記. @talesofmacabre.bsky.social · 5h

his was not a fate to be pitied. in no way was it a pitiable fate. rather was it proud and tragic, a fate that might even be called shining.

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I heard the sound of a piano, clumsily played.

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I had always thought of desire being something clearer than it really is, and I had not realised it required people to see themselves in a slightly dreamlike, unreal way.

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do I then belong to the heavens? why, if not so, should the heavens fix me thus with their ceaseless blue stare

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anything can become excusable when seen from the standpoint of a result.

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if the world changed, I could not exist, and if I changed, the world could not exist.

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that to fall, not to fly, is in the order of things, more natural by far than improbable passion? is the blue of the sky then a dream?

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for me this was the first love in my life. And, if such a blunt way of speaking be forgiven, it was clearly a love closely connected with desires of the flesh.

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we do not collide with our destiny all of a sudden.

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at times the smile that accompanied her gentle way of speaking seemed almost pathetic.

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いろはにほへと, ちりぬるをわか, よたれそつねな, らむうゐのおく, やまけふこえて, あさきゆめみし, ゑひもせす.

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his face is turned slightly upward and his eyes are open wide, gazing with profound tranquility upon the glory of heaven.

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nothing is that can satisfy me; earthly novelty is too soon dulled; I am drawn higher and higher, more unstable, closer and closer to the sun’s effulgence. why do these rays of reason destroy me?

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was a debasement more evil than that of any normal kind of love. Indeed, of all the kinds of decay in this world, decadent purity is the most malignant.

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could this have been love? grant it to be one form of love, for even though at first glance it seemed to retain its pristine form forever, simply repeating that form over and over again, it too had its own unique sort of debasement and decay. and it

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there is no expression whatsoever. the picture has a genuinely chilling, foreboding quality—— as if it caught him in the act of dying as he sat before the camera.

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for a dead man’s face falls to an infinite depth beneath the surface which the face possessed when it was alive, leaving nothing for the survivors to see but the frame of a mask; it falls so deep, indeed, that it can never be pulled back to the

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the procession passing before my eyes aroused in me a joy akin to terror.

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I can‘t even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.

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to change the silence of death into the eloquence of life, the aid of steel was essential.

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