iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

i wish we had longer than six years together. i wish i could see her grow old. i wish i could have introduced her to my girlfriends cat and seen if they got along. but i'm grateful for the time we did have, and all the love and comfort she gave me. i want to do my best to focus on the good times.

that's when i thought about her dying years in the future. i wasn't prepared for it to be this soon, but even as i sit here with the grief so fresh, still in shock over what happened, i'm realizing that i will be ok. i've built enough good in my life now that i can keep going, even as i mourn her.

i already miss her. i know i will continue to miss her. i know the next couple weeks are probably going to be really hard. but im also grateful to her. i was in a bad place when i got her, and she helped me heal so much. for a very long time i was afraid that when she died i would backslide, and

the hardest part is how sudden this was. if i'd known she was sick at least i would have had time to prepare myself. my mom called at 7, and i walked out if the vet at 8:30. i only had an hour and a half to try and prepare for the worst, and for the worst to happen.

i decided not to wake her, because she seemed peaceful and i was planning to come over today as well. i regret that now. i regret not visiting more. there were no signs anything was wrong and no way i could have known what would happen but i'm still beating myself up.

a week to say hi (to the cats and her). we'd spend a few hours together, playing or cuddling, and she was always so excited to see me. i took her to vets last friday for a check up and there was no indication anything was wrong. i visited yesterday morning, and she was napping under my mom's bed.

to adjust to the new space before we even considered introducing him to another cat. we also weren't sure if my cat would be able to come over at all, because she and my mothers cats were so bonded. we figured we'd work it out eventually. short term, i'd just been visiting my mom's a few times

probably something like this was gonna go. i just didn't think it would happen so soon. she was only six years old. just over a month ago my girlfriend and i moved in together, and i had to leave her with my mom. my girlfriends cat is very anxious due to past trauma, and we knew he needed time

i've lived with cats my whole life, but she was the first that was mine, rather than the family's. i learned and grew a lot from taking on the responsibility of owning my own pet. she was inbred. i knew pretty early on that she had some health problems, and would likely develop more. i knew that

of kitten up for grabs, and told me we were gonna go pick one out for me. for a very long time, taking care of her was the only reason i got up in the morning, and i'm pretty sure if i hadn't gotten her i would have killed myself, or at least tried to. she saved my life.

and put together a little album. i think i'll be ok with that. i don't know how to process this. i got my cat when she was just two months old, at the absolute darkest point of my life. i wasn't eating, wasn't caring for myself, had lapsed back into self harm. my mom knew someone who had a litter

if only in a small way. maybe i'll regret not taking anything, idk. i have her collar, and i have a darkroom photograph of here from my film photography class, that one of my woodworker friends is going to make a nice, handmade frame for. i might print out some of the rest of my photos of her

i didn't take her body or any fur clippings or a pawprint or whatever, and i opted for a coral reef burial bc i don't need a box of ashes or some other kind of trinket to look at and be sad about, and i like the idea that she's going to support something important like coral restoration, even

let her go. i got to see her, and took a few minutes to say bye. even on pain meds it was clear she was suffering, super out of it and barely responsive, but when i stepped back to sign the paperwork she immediately started meowing for me. i held her paw as she died.

undiagnosed heart problems, and she was having a catastrophic heart failure. fluid in her lungs, blood clot blocking circulation to her legs, in a lot of distress with very little chance she'd pull through. obviously i agreed to put her down. i didn't want her to suffer bc i selfishly wouldn't

him to bring them bc my mom doesn't really drive and i was at work so he was closer. i left work and got there as soon as i could, and i knew as soon as i walked into the room. the vet had that bad news expression that all doctors do and my mom was sobbing. anyway, turns out my cat had

cw// pet death, self harm, suicidal thoughts posting here bc i need to vent but i don't want sympathy or a conversation and no one really follows me so. idk. got a call from my mom at 7am that there was something wrong with my cat. i found the closest emergency vet, then called my dad and asked

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 09/07/2025

me vs the mortifying ordeal of trying to act like a human when interacting with people

000 0

Reposted by nova!

Ellipsus @ellipsus.com · 04/06/2025

Know a notebook, laptop, or bathroom stall that could use a good zhuzhing? (It’s not vandalism if it’s ✨aesthetic✨) We’ve got just the thing: merch.ellipsus.com 50% of proceeds this month will go to @trevorproject.bsky.social, @aclu.org, and @translifeline.org. 🌈

17143 0

Reposted by nova!

ARIES! @starbooms.bsky.social · 05/05/2025

Fic writers!!! Please consider trying out ellipsus! Totally free program made for and BUILT with fic writers in mind. Also NOOOO AI!

1010056 0

Reposted by nova!

neenya in the building @neenya.bsky.social · 13/04/2025

it can get really hot in the summertime #neenyart

illustration of baseball player au seungmin sitting on a dugout bench. he is wearing a backwards navy cap, no shirt, a navy compression sleeve on his pitching arm, white pants with a red stripe down the side, navy knee high socks with three red stripes at the tops, and red baseball cleats. his black pitcher’s glove custom embroidered with his last name in gold is resting on his knee and his jersey is beside him on the bench, uniform number 11 on display. he is leaning back with one hand on his head and the other holding a baseball bat out in front of him like a cane. it is fuckboy seungmin hours and the vibe is slutty.

108030 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 12/04/2025

its a little spot of brightness in a series of really shitty weeks and i'm very grateful

000 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 12/04/2025

i really am so blown away by the response to my last fic 😭. like i was so unhappy with it bc i really didn't think i did the concept justice, but everyone's been sooo nice in the comments and on twt, and i was able to reread it earlier and actually enjoy it.

100 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 24/03/2025

okay i MUST finish this sillyfest fic. i think i have the last if the outline ironed out i just need to put the words down. as soon as it's finished i'm done with fests for the moment and i can follow the muse it's just one last hurdle 😭

000 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 13/03/2025

man like if ur this pissed abt a writer having fun writing multiple ships u truly need a reality check. like how dare u not only be interested in one thing with no exceptions ever

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 13/03/2025

dude what is wrong with people

100 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 12/03/2025

just anxious that if i pause on it i won’t actually come back and finish it but ig if thats what happens then it just wasn’t meant to be

000 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 12/03/2025

i feel like i like this seungjin fic conceptually so much but then i’m just not vibing with actually writing it. and i missed the deadline for the bingo anyway so maybe i should just switch to sillyfest so i don’t wind up with a time crunch there and then i’ll come back to it after.

100 0

like what do you meeeaan lesbians chansung. nonbinary they/he lesbian jisung. dnd as wish fulfillment. oh my god.

000 0

actually feeling so insane abt my fth fic like i could not have asked for a better prompt. need to finish all my current projects expeditiously so i can start working on it.

ok 1.5k today which i feel good abt. in bad news tho this fic is gonna be longer than i thought bc i projected it at like 7k but i’m already at 4k and maybe a third through the outline.

anyway finally writing again bc im sick if letting work wear me out too much to do fun things and i wanna write abt hyunjin having a breakdown over seungmin’s tiny dick even if i’m half asleep while doing it

000 0

i love being literally the only person in my store trained to do my job. i love staring down 70+ hours of work designated to me and only being able to delegate like two things. and even thats with the knowledge they wont actually get done right.

000 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 07/03/2025

i keep crashing for like 10+ hours and then waking up still exhausted and going whyyy am i so tired. and then i remember i burned through a 56 hour workload in 20 hours this week. so.

100 0

anyway maybe i will write tomorrow. but im working ten hours so who knows maybe i’ll just perish instead.

000 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 07/03/2025

every day i itch to just burn the whole thing down and start over but obviously i can’t. never take over someone else’s server folks u will hate everything abt how they set it up

000 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 07/03/2025

i was gonna write today but instead i spent three hours trying to make the discord a little less messy even though it’s like. fine

100 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 13/02/2025

even if it hasn’t reached as large an audience as i wished, the feedback i have gotten has been overwhelmingly positive and i need to just focus on that and not let the numbers bother me.

000 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 13/02/2025

i think this fic is maybe my favorite thing i’ve written to date, and like i knew it probably wouldn’t do very well considering the tags and subject matter, but it still kinda stings. anyway.

100 0

nova! @sunshinedozing.bsky.social · 13/02/2025

pythia fell 🪶 jeongsung, minsung 🪶 13.3k 🪶 explicit 🪶 mcd, prophetic dreams/visions, holding onto hope at the end of the world archiveofourown.org/works/62608189 #skzfic #novafic #jeongsung #minsung #nsfwstay

011 0

keep forgetting this place exists. maybe i will try to speak into this void more often

form, gesture 🗒️ 2min 🗒️ 9.3k, chapter 1/4 🗒️ explicit 🗒️ artist x muse, burnout, rediscovering joy in art and in life, asexuality vs. attraction archiveofourown.org/works/627873... #skzfic #novafic #2min #nsfwstay

022 0

burn 🔥 jilix 🔥 4.7k 🔥 explicit 🔥 inspired by the new jisung photoshoot, making someone hold a pose as like a kink thing archiveofourown.org/works/62282866 #skzfic #novafic #jilix #nsfwstay

031 0

fait fondre mon coeur 🎿 binchan 🎿 5.1k 🎿 teen 🎿 skiing, meet-cute, new year’s eve archiveofourown.org/works/61728769 #skzfic #novafic #binchan #nsfwstay