iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

I feel better enough to say im kinda back, expect something big in the up coming month

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 03/06/2026

I want to disappear, ive already been thrown out like trash

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 02/05/2026

The urge to contact but I literally cannot because if I do, nothing changes. I’m stuck being forced to move on in the most confrontational difficult way possible, or hope they take that step.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 02/05/2026

Ughhhhhh HATE MY CONSTANTLY SHIFTING MIND

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Reposted by Spiderboi101

Fizz @physpunch.bsky.social · 29/04/2026

Kagurabachi Gold Ship #umamusume

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 30/04/2026

youtu.be/d0vU4xThRWI?... I randomly found this song from a triple t animation and now its been stuck in my head.

youtu.be

Sidney Gish - Imposter Syndrome

YouTube video by cool music for cool people

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 29/04/2026

I noticed randomly slendytubbies poppin off recently again and I have a lot of nostalgia for those silly games lol So I decided to like just fuck around and doodle my own takes on all of the very fucked up and twisted designs mhm #Slendytubbies

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Reposted by Spiderboi101

Nyazure @nyazuredreams.bsky.social · 29/04/2026

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 #art #furryart #oc

my sona (azure) tripping out of the frame of a photo dropping a birthday cake with candles that read “23”

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Reposted by Spiderboi101

Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 25/04/2026

there was this assignment that involved remaking an old drawing 3 different times so this was my approach #hollowknightart

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

equal or at least similar efforts you do. Friendships shouldn't ever feel draining, if you truly trusted this person, just be honest with them. ight night night.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

close to someone, make sure to let them know. Verbal is nice but action truly goes a long way. Indulge in their interests, even if some of them you don't like. The ones you do, latch on to that and be real with them with the ones you don't. A good friend is understanding and is willing to put in

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

But again, I'm stupid and a part of me can really hope. I'll end this LONG tangent here. I might be looping this same convo in my mind for the next few months honestly, and I fear the rest of this year is gonna move so slowly. So yea, that's all and take care everyone. Please if you believe you are-

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

nt to give them another chance, but this would require actual full effort on their end that them as of late would 100% not want to commit to. Maybe in the past like in 2023-first half of 2025 yea, they would have been willing to put in that extra bit of work to make things better. But not now.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

the same thing and subtweeting or posting vent art about it. It's why if they went up to me now and said "oh yea im sorry and things werent actually all built up on lies to keep you happy for the time i happen to invest haha", it would feel fake. Another attempt to "people please", I would still wa-

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

if they even thought about this also worry that anything they say would feel fake. I guess at that point, its really less telling and more showing. The main reason we finally fully separating now was cus I directly told them to be completely direct when they felt I was out of line. They just kept

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

sadness and rage I feel. Just seeing that step be made on their own accord would really change everything. As much as I can rant, my mind is stubborn sadly. It's just weird, because their framing of things lately really enforced all the fears I had over the course of this year. So I worry and I bet

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

Incredibly flawed yes, especially since I believe in the past year it seems like the growth made was regressing back. But still, I don't think you are a lost cause. I am emotionally unstable right now, the only thing I can do is either rant or pretend nothing happened. But even with all this

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

This is widely unhealthy and unrealistic of me, especially cus I did make the final blow in what I left off with to them. But hey, everyone can have unrealistic ideas. So if by some miracle they do see this, like I said in that final message. I really don't think you are a bad person.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

lized their faults. Not in the justification on why they needed to throw me out kinda way, but a more critical way. Maybe one day, they would return to the friend I use to know that inspired not just me, but so many people previously. Return back to that and come to me to close things off.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

They've already unfollowed me here and I basically took them out of my elite gamer table of writers for a world I created. So most likely, they would never see this and even if they did, they don't like confrontation. A unhealthy stubborn part of me still hopes maybe, just maybe one day, they rea-

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

I honestly don't even know if I want to make anything anymore, it felt like a massive piece of me has been permanently taken away. At least when it comes to how I am in this community. Its pathetic ik, Id imagine given a month or less they would have moved on already. They've done similar wayy back.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

people of this community, so I can't just go to a private circle and boom break time. I am constantly reminded of them everywhere I turn with basically no way out. It's such a harsh form of confrontation and it makes me cycle back through these same thoughts constantly over and over.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

back to the former tomorrow or even later tonight. Just how my brain works afterall, its a bit unstable. But man, this is hard. The venting has helped, I dont feel the same level of tightness I felt during February, but I am so unsure of the future. This person is easily top 3 or 2 influential

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

current emotions I am feeling at that moment. Kinda like this individual in a way. Though it isnt me framing things differently, its just how I view them. Earlier this same tangent would be a lot more of a long winded heated rant, but now its just a feeling of sadness and longing. I'll def flip-

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

to me. My mind has a horrible habit of circling around the same few things at a time, mostly rants. Which is why for those who are close to me. They've heard this story multiple times at this point in the last few days. It's how I process things. I go over everything in my head or to others with the

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

them to commit to. Which as we went over here, is def not happening. They were already setting up since the beginning of the year to throw me out, so i doubt one day they'll come up to me and finally really patch things out. I don't like having grudges, especially towards people who were once close-

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

is hard, especially after 5 years of time. 5 years of almost entirely positive memories. All of them tainted cus their reframing of history worked. It made me doubt EVERYTHING, and at this point there really isnt going back. At least, its not something I have any control over, cus thats entirely on

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

issues and let the built up emotions get to me. Especially with how often they subtweeted about me at the time. Still, its basically the same as what im talking about now. But now I am kinda just left in a weird position of my life. I don't like this still, I would love for things to go back. Change

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

I send them one final like notepad I wrote, basically going over all of this in a more like angry tone. Basically just flat out explained how exactly they switched up on me and basically backstabbed me. Fully calling them out as currently a terrible friend. Not the best from me obv, I have bad anger

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

If you frame things in a way that it was always unhealthy for years on end, it makes the act of moving on easier right? But yea, blah blah blah we get to current day. Now finally I am booted out of the inner circle of that place, and I decide to make the full step and start properly separating.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

one thing. This didn't feel genuine, not like genuine in that they are lying about how they are currently feeling at that moment. But genuine in a overarching sense. It felt that this whole retrospective was a sort of an attempt on them to justify why they would basically throw me out.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

everything that build up our friendship to that moment was reframed as a hassle, or a burden. Everything that makes me, ya know me, was now seen as a "sunk-cost fallacy". It was really bad, and it felt so off. After I talked with my brother or some friends about it recently, they all agreed about -

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

Oh yeah all those times ive decided I would share my interests with them. With no pressure from me, because I always let them know its ok to back out whenever. Actually it was an hour of their "busy" schedule that cant be taken back. Time they could have spent doing projects duh! Literally -

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

It's that phrasing and rewriting of history that crept back up at full force. Now ignoring the years of actions saying otherwise, and statements this year they said to reassure me. It was finally just phrased to be fully one-sided. Oh yeah we were best friends, or at least spider saw it that way.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

good ol' days, since I truly believed nearly everything was MY fault. After this final real talk we had about this, they give me this retrospective they made in that night of the past year. How it got to that point, and when I tell you it was so heartbreaking, I mean it.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

I had an emotional breakdown at that moment and like it was bad. Even then, the following day it was up to me to try and resolve things because they kinda realized they messed up. Still from here on out, it fully changed the dynamic of me trying to improve myself as a friend to maybe go back to the

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

them. They just outright tell me in their own, trying to save face sort of way, to go fuck myself and leave the server. This is easily one of the most hurt ive felt ever in my life, someone that I saw as a sort of role model, a best friend, and an inspiration for years just told me to go kick rocks.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

that. Not even a couple of days after though, the real deal breaker happened. Where during my lowest point mentally, we just talked things out and prior they knew the other stuff I was going to since i vented to them often. In a way to alleviate criticism in a project of theirs that's personal to-

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

-ice versa. But this wasnt those times anymore, they were more than ready to fully drop me if i didnt do anything. Which I honestly could feel even before I saw these convos they had, it was the feeling of me forcing it. Which at this point, was true since they no longer really cared about me like

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

having many examples of actions they've done with me not pushing them at all that would say otherwise. At that current moment, thats how they saw us. It's why they never actually came up to me, even tho in the past it was mutual to talk things out. If they messed up, they would reach out to me and v

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

self reflecting moments and like there it was again. They would phrase things as a "sunk-cost fallacy", and even say that they remembered nothing fond about the whole years of history. So even know I 100% can factually say that isnt true (not the memory thing, as sad as that one was),

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

would I not want to patch things. Then remember when I mention how they sort of rework history and framed things as this one-sided thing on my end. Well at least privately, that was happening again. It was during this downtime between our fight where i was keeping my distance. They would have these

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

the things they said hurt me far more than anything ive felt. However, even when it a situation they escalated(or idk if id say caused tbh). They never felt the need to come to me to talk things out, I needed to be the "strong" one and make that effort. Its a friendship that was so dear to me, why

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

This selfdoubt at first felt only just on me, especially cus they would reassure me otherwise. However as time was continuing, that self doubt started to get more and more evidence behind it. Then suddenly it all crashed down. I was especially in a low head space so when this person lashed out on me

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

At first it started small (kinda), basic friend activities we did for years, and how we became close in the first place just suddenly was no longer an option. They rewritten and rephrased things that left a seed of self doubt in me that would fester overtime.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

talented this person was. Even though they went through so much, they always got back up and tried their best to learn and move forward. Becoming better for it. They had so much stacked against them, but that didnt stop them from trying. But then something shifted, suddenly they switched up on me.

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

ill stings deeply. Having a friend youve considered close to you for years, a friend that for a while really had your back. Someone especially good just to have as a way to talk about personal matters to, it was nice. Especially cus this was my role model for years. I was inspired by how strong and

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Spiderboi101 @spiderb01.bsky.social · 27/04/2026

I dont really like vague posting much, its a habit im noticing i started to pick up. Apologies for that, its strange what im feeling right now. Its a mix of validation and also emptiness. Even now after hearing my brother and friends reassure me this was not something caused by my immaturity, it st-

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