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Spamusement!

@spamusement.rolandcrosby.com

7 followers 0 following 323 posts

Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines! By Steven Frank unless otherwise indicated. web.archive.org/web/20200415101153/…

Posts Replies Media

Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 20h

Never been easier September 22, 2004

Spamusement #79: Never been easier
A desktop computer sitting on a desk features a simplified keyboard with only two large buttons labeled music and porn.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 12/10/2026

Your doctor recommended you to oboe October 21, 2004

Spamusement #108: Your doctor recommended you to oboe
A doctor stands snapping his fingers next to a patient sitting on an exam table who is wearing a leg cast and playing an oboe.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 11/10/2026

I found something! April 15, 2005

Spamusement #227: I found something!
An archaeologist lies on the ground near a pyramid and jeep, reaching into a hole that turns out to be the nostril of a monster under the surface.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 10/10/2026

Hope you're hungry March 18, 2005

Spamusement #213: Hope you're hungry
A forklift transports a crate labeled "30,000 QTY. MARBLES" to a giant hippopotamus with a game lever on its back.

Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 09/10/2026

You need a new watch January 3, 2005

Spamusement #168: You need a new watch
A person sitting in a chair stares blankly ahead while holding a miniature cuckoo clock in their hand.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 08/10/2026

*** Security Issues *** February 8, 2005

Spamusement #189: *** Security Issues ***
A heavily secured concrete structure labeled 'FIRST FIDUCIARY VAULT BUILDING' features roof spikes, security cameras, and barbed wire fences. The main doors are barred, chained, and padlocked, but a small cat casually exits through a pet door cut into the bottom.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 07/10/2026

Can't get it up October 7, 2004

Spamusement #94: Can't get it up
A sad-looking man and a woman stand in the basket of a hot air balloon that is deflated and drooping limply to the side instead of inflating.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 06/10/2026

God at nightly games July 19, 2006

Spamusement #322: God at nightly games
A giant hand reaches down from the sky over a football field, its index finger labeled "WE'RE #1" and emitting a blinding light.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 05/10/2026

LOOK AT ME IM RICH July 20, 2004

Spamusement #13: LOOK AT ME IM RICH
A man wearing a top hat and monocle dances wildly while shedding cash between two pedestrians who walk past ignoring him.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 04/10/2026

She cant possibly be enjoying this! September 9, 2005

Spamusement #284: She cant possibly be enjoying this!
A man and woman sit at a table playing a board game. In the foreground, the game box is titled SATIATED, SATIATED HIPPOS and shows a bloated hippo lying on its back. One of the hippos in the game says oh, I couldn't possibly, while the other asks could I get a box for this please.

Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 03/10/2026

Swiss pharmacy March 21, 2005

Spamusement #214: Swiss pharmacy
A pharmacist stands behind a counter where every object is riddled with large circular holes resembling Swiss cheese, including the pharmacist's head and lab coat, the counter surface, the shelves, and a pill bottle.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 02/10/2026

We need to have a chat December 16, 2004

Spamusement #162: We need to have a chat
An angry woman stands with crossed arms outside a building labeled "Ye Olde Sweet Shoppe." Beside her, a worker from "Paul's Sign-making" stands near his van. Above them, a newly installed billboard reads "AROUND THE CORNER, FUDGE IS MADE" with a large arrow pointing directly at the sweet shop.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 01/10/2026

Football not good. October 17, 2004

Spamusement #104: Football not good.
An angry man with an American football wedged sideways in his mouth.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 30/09/2026

When will you start dating again March 1, 2005

Spamusement #202: When will you start dating again
In a two-panel comic, a smiling man presents a small ring box to a woman who looks touched. In the next panel, the woman screams in shock as two spring-loaded snakes burst from the box, while the man laughs hysterically at the prank.

Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 29/09/2026

I have to get this off my chest before I explode. April 20, 2005

Spamusement #229: I have to get this off my chest before I explode.
A heavyset man reclines in an armchair watching television with a round, black bomb with lit fuse resting directly on his chest.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 28/09/2026

freedom is mine August 28, 2004

Spamusement #54: freedom is mine
An empty birdcage hangs with its door open next to a window where a bird is smashed flat against the glass.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 27/09/2026

share this experience with your friends September 10, 2004

Spamusement #67: share this experience with your friends
A smiling person rides a Segway off the edge of a cliff while waving cheerfully, as two onlookers watch from the foreground.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 26/09/2026

We have located several horny women in your area! July 16, 2004

Spamusement #11: We have located several horny women in your area!
Two scientists in lab coats stand in front of a whiteboard covered in mathematical formulas and diagrams. The scientist on the left holds a handheld tracking device with a small, beeping satellite dish antenna attached to it, while the scientist on the right stands next to him holding a clipboard and pen.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 25/09/2026

Find cut-rate software here September 7, 2004

Spamusement #64: Find cut-rate software here
Four software boxes are displayed on a shelf. The top left box is titled Norton Disk Rapist with a picture of a disk. The top right box is 3-D carp simulator featuring a fish. The bottom left box reads HORRIBLE CLIP-ART with a basic smiley face. The bottom right box is titled THE SIMS: old n' tired and shows a drawing of an elderly man.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 24/09/2026

guess what happened March 2, 2005

Spamusement #203: guess what happened
A man wearing a top hat and a wooden barrel held up by suspenders brandishes a rake while standing next to a small fire on the floor. Nearby, a donkey stands on top of a TV with a pair of underwear in its mouth, surrounded by scattered carrots. A person opens a door on the right to witness the chaotic scene.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 23/09/2026

guess who :) July 1, 2005

Spamusement #257: guess who :)
A smiling woman has her eyes covered in a playful gesture by a pair of hands extending out from inside the gaping, sharp-toothed mouth of a large monster hovering behind her.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 22/09/2026

Your lover will jump for joy when you do this! October 20, 2004

Spamusement #107: Your lover will jump for joy when you do this!
A person standing at a kitchen sink washing dirty dishes by hand.

Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 21/09/2026

Are your doctors too far away March 8, 2005

Spamusement #206: Are your doctors too far away
A doctor stands at a distance from a shirtless patient seated on an exam table, holding a stethoscope out toward him but remaining far out of reach. A desk and stool sit between them, and a framed illustration of a fish hangs on the wall.

Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 20/09/2026

Trojans are everywhere March 16, 2005

Spamusement #212: Trojans are everywhere
A promotional photo of the cast of the sitcom Friends shows the six actors hugging in pairs. A Roman soldier wearing a helmet and holding a sword has been added to the end of the lineup on the right.

Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 19/09/2026

Improved performace saucepan November 3, 2004

Spamusement #122: Improved performace saucepan
A saucepan modified to look like a hot rod race car sitting on a stovetop, featuring racing wheels, flame decals on the side, a large rear spoiler attached to the handle, and a rumbling engine.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 18/09/2026

the bigger the better September 30, 2004

Spamusement #87: the bigger the better
A waiter holds an absurdly long pepper grinder horizontally toward two diners at a round table, asking, "Fresh-ground pepper?"

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 17/09/2026

Abe Lincoln Never got it September 6, 2004

Spamusement #63: Abe Lincoln Never got it
Abraham Lincoln wearing a stovepipe hat with a blank expression stands next to handwritten text that reads: "and the guy says, 'rectum? darn-near killed 'im!'"

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 16/09/2026

amazing new pleasure for men March 14, 2005

Spamusement #210: amazing new pleasure for men
An Xbox console connected via a controller cable to a bubbling deep fryer labeled Fry Daddy.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 15/09/2026

Some say it hurts, some like it March 25, 2005

Spamusement #217: Some say it hurts, some like it
Two people ride calmly on a merry-go-round while a giant hand reaches in from the right and flicks a third rider off their horse, sending them tumbling through the air.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 14/09/2026

thank snoop June 28, 2006

Spamusement #317: thank snoop
A lowrider car rears up vertically on extended hydraulics, crushing a man beneath its rear bumper; the man lies flat on his back with his legs in the air and his baseball cap on the ground nearby.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 13/09/2026

Real Player May 16, 2005

Spamusement #240: Real Player
The top sliver of a scene showing a startled person and a bored owl, cut off by large white space reading Buffering...

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 12/09/2026

Better late than never February 24, 2005

Spamusement #200: Better late than never
Three smiling firefighters arrive in a truck next to a house that has already completely burned down to charred ruins while a resident in a bathrobe watches unhappily.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 11/09/2026

You cannot do that! September 12, 2004

Spamusement #69: You cannot do that!
An angry woman points and yells at a man sitting at a table in front of a toaster with two small dogs popping out of the slots.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 10/09/2026

I sure wish you weren't so silly October 9, 2004

Spamusement #96: I sure wish you weren't so silly
At a wedding ceremony, the groom bends over and pulls down his pants to reveal the words "I DO" written across his buttocks, causing the bride to facepalm in embarrassment while the officiant looks on.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 09/09/2026

security...bacon November 4, 2004

Spamusement #123: security...bacon
A strip of bacon dressed as a security guard, wearing sunglasses, a hat, a radio, and a utility belt, stands next to a metal detector.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 08/09/2026

Enhance your anatomy August 5, 2004

Spamusement #31: Enhance your anatomy
A woman sits at a bar holding a drink next to a man with an absurdly large, long nose. She glances at him with a wary expression.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 07/09/2026

Please explain the specific MEDICAL reason for ordering this MEDICATION ! August 17, 2004

Spamusement #43: Please explain the specific MEDICAL reason for ordering this MEDICATION !
A hand writes "Can't get boner." on a sheet of paper with a pencil.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 06/09/2026

Everybody's Talking About AlcoMate! It Really Works! August 31, 2005

Spamusement #281: Everybody's Talking About AlcoMate! It Really Works!
A robot labeled ALCOMATE 2000 sits at a bar, enthusiastically raising a beer mug and draping an arm around a sullen, annoyed man holding his own drink.

Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 05/09/2026

hide your license plate Grover September 24, 2004

Spamusement #81: hide your license plate Grover
Grover from Sesame Street frantically covers the rear license plate of a car with his hand.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 04/09/2026

if god gave you one wish, what do you want most? November 23, 2004

Spamusement #143: if god gave you one wish, what do you want most?
Giant hands emerge from the sky surrounded by rays of light, presenting an overjoyed man with a table covered in treats next to a sign that reads FREE CUPCAKES.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 03/09/2026

Make Your C*ck A Hammer October 3, 2004

Spamusement #90: Make Your C*ck A Hammer
A wooden plank with a bent nail driven into it sits in the foreground, while a bent-over figure is helped into the back of an ambulance in the distance.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 02/09/2026

Your Life Ins. Company PRAYS you will NEVER SEE this. September 16, 2004

Spamusement #73: Your Life Ins. Company PRAYS you will NEVER SEE this.
Two people stand before a carnival attraction labeled Ride the SLEDGEHAMMER, where a giant mechanical hammer is poised to crush three passengers strapped into seats.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 01/09/2026

America's best kept Secret September 23, 2004

Spamusement #80: America's best kept Secret
A group of smiling people stands beneath a hanging banner that reads "Gerard Depardieu FAN CLUB."

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 31/08/2026

its not even funny when you do that August 24, 2004

Spamusement #50: its not even funny when you do that
A woman sits reading on a couch while someone hiding behind it holds up a photo of a roaring lion next to her head and peeks over the edge.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 30/08/2026

your document is silly! September 1, 2004

Spamusement #58: your document is silly!
A Windows 95 desktop displaying an open Notepad window containing text that starts seriously but devolves into nonsense: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the wibble wibble wibble bibbly fleeper. It was the heeby heeby WHEEEEEE ding-dong sniggly. Honk! Boo loo loo da lee. Boingy boingy boingy WHOO boingy boingy WHOO WHOO!"

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 29/08/2026

Shake The Extra Fat, You Will Be Surprised November 11, 2005

Spamusement #304: Shake The Extra Fat, You Will Be Surprised
A large man shakes his exposed belly with both hands, causing a coin to pop out of his navel. Text above reads A QUARTER! as a small dog looks up at the flying coin in surprise.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 28/08/2026

How to be irresistible October 30, 2004

Spamusement #118: How to be irresistible
A smiling man sprays a bottle labeled "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER" onto his neck as if it were cologne.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 27/08/2026

Get a bigger flute June 25, 2007

Spamusement #330: Get a bigger flute
A smiling musician plays an absurdly long flute that extends sideways to poke the irritated violinist next to him directly in the cheek.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 26/08/2026

MARRY CHRISTMAS December 11, 2004

Spamusement #157: MARRY CHRISTMAS
A smiling figure kneels on one knee and holds out an engagement ring to a decorated Christmas tree.

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Spamusement! @spamusement.rolandcrosby.com · 25/08/2026

YOU MUST TRANSFORM TO THE UNSURPASSED GUY FOR YOUR WIFE. November 22, 2004

Spamusement #142: YOU MUST TRANSFORM TO THE UNSURPASSED GUY FOR YOUR WIFE.
Optimus Prime embraces a smiling woman and gives a thumbs-up gesture in front of a carnival background featuring a Ferris wheel, tent, and roller coaster.

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