SortaPicks III: 2026 NFL Week 4 Picks
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SortaNonymous
@sortanonymous.bsky.social
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20 - He/Him - Cis/Autistic PFP: @aridee.bsky.social Meta Knightmare writer and not-so-long-suffering Bengals fan GTFO - Bigots, Nazis, etc tumblr.com/sortanonymous youtube.com/@sortanonymous archiveofourown.org/users/SortaNony…
![Recap:
*Falcons-Packers (⛔): I know this might sound weird to say when I at least thought they'd do the bare minimum to beat the damn Falcons, but as for how I feel about the grand scheme of things in Green Bay… ["VINDICATED" by Dashboard Confessional from Spider-Man 2]
*Panthers-Browns (⛔): You failed America, Panthers.
*Chargers-Bills (✅): Well… at least it was less embarrassing than the first two games of your spiral season, Bolts?
*Jets-Lions (✅): I still can't tell whether or not the Jets are at least watchable now, and also whether or not Detroit is totally screwed the moment they face more teams more than like 65% done with a rebuild. (I mean, as any potential Aussie readers and especially reeling Freo fans would know, at least it wasn't the worst loss in a game called football to a team called the Lions this past weekend. 😬)
*Seahawks-Commanders (⛔): Just when people in the state of Washington thought Marcus Mariota was done giving them headaches years ago.
*Chiefs-Dolphins (✅): The most impressive Fins showing of September 2026!
*Titans-Giants (✅): Hard to think of a more merciful matchup to get after everyone dies than the Titans, even if they still nearly blew it at the end.
*Patriots-Jaguars (✅): I can't tell if I'm also vindicated on Jacksonville being great or very not vindicated on New England being in trouble.
*Texans-Colts (✅): I'm absolutely not vindicated by Houston, good grief.
*Bengals-Steelers (✅): Anyone shocked by this doesn't know how excellent we are at Bungling in Yinzerland no matter how competent at football we look against others.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:ceuwr6j6pt5hryzinevkvctl/bafkreigyjw6aqbck4nb64kufegzoozlm7c44b5mvylh5jbwnr7mn54foc4)
![Recap:
No more quotes because I can already tell that would be a nightmare to keep up every week 😭
*Lions-Bills (✅): The first clump of Bills Mafia to ever take in a game at New Highmark got to see a lot of touchdowns thanks to these two increasingly concerning secondaries, although at least Josh Allen did a good job distracting from Buffalo's concerns on that end.
*Eagles-Titans (✅): It's official. The Eagles are the new Steelers of the NFC, at least in terms of getting wins off splash plays in spite of themselves.
*Vikings-Bears (⛔): As brutal a Week 2 loss as I can remember on every conceivable level. The start to one of the worst weeks for QB injuries in recent memory.
*Panthers-Falcons (✅): Even prime Matty Ice would have had a tough time pulling a game like this out with Bryce Young randomly owning the Falcons like Aaron Rodgers owning the Bears. But the dire duo of Cooper Rush and Jack Strand? Yeah, no shot.
*Packers-Jets (✅): The Jets were so, so close to exposing the Packers even more in the Ex-Rodgers Bowl. But, you know, Aaron Glenn, so that just couldn't pan out.
*Steelers-Patriots (✅): I'll give the Jets this though. At least Rodgers' other Celtics Shaq team ain't looking much better.
*Saints-Ravens (⛔): Truly a crossover for the ages between the sophomore surge of The Shough Show and the potential surprise renewal of That's So Raven.
*Bengals-Texans (⛔): Our defense can legit dominate? All while Chase makes some of the most jaw-dropping plays of the year? We're 2-0 and didn't look drunk off our asses doing so? Is this what hope feels like in terms of just being a good football team again instead of either a decade in limbo or a ugly rebuild waiting to happen? (Me be like Pearl: "Amethyst [or my Bengal fan friend], turn into a chair. I need to sit down.")](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:ceuwr6j6pt5hryzinevkvctl/bafkreiapfk5yjmqtjleyuc6a4xclsgihjusaafki3fsxuxztwqsou2t23u)
