iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Alfie's chat features are deeply anchored in clean language, narrative practice and exception spotting. Alfie isn't here to fix you. It's here to be with you and mirror back your words, so you can make sense yourself. Give Alfie a try? withalfie.com

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So Alfie is an opinionated selection of the frameworks, rituals and practices that actually work for a neurodivergent mind. Partly delivered through AI, not because it understands you, but because it can ask the right question at the right time.

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It's task inertia, knowing what to prioritise, knowing what the small first step is. And we've often already learned about the structures that would help. There are just far too many of them so remember the 'right' one when we need it.

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I built Alfie while believing we shouldn't outsource our thinking to AI. Those two things sat badly together for a while. For now, I'm sitting here: AI is very good at holding structure for us to think inside. For neurodivergent people the hard part usually isn't the thinking.

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Or maybe I just don't have the vocabulary for it yet. What motivates you?

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And it's been really interesting noticing how it's received, and how much easier boundary setting becomes when I actually practice it. But it does leave a question I can't answer yet. If shame and expectations aren't the drivers anymore, what are? Maybe I don't have a single driver at all.

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The sheer-force push isn't there to reach for. I'm not sure that's a loss. Before, the push led to burnout, some self-hatred, and depression at the other end. Now, my spidey senses have been dialling in on what I actually need to resist.

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Soft Dom @softdom.me · 23/05/2026

Before my diagnosis, shame and expectations were the glue holding the mask on. They worked. They got me through things I had no business getting through. Now the mask is coming off, and so is the glue. There's a lot less motivation for the things that were always pointless anyway.

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In minutes, we see dozens of versions of who we should be, who we could be, and people telling us how to do things and what to do and when. When you get all of that and you haven't even had your coffee yet, it can be very hard to remember who you are and what you need.

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Soft Dom @softdom.me · 23/05/2026

How often do you actually sit around a table and share stories like we did at dinner? There were no phones out, just us having a chat. It was small enough so we could actually connect with each other. Instead, before breakfast, we open social media.

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Soft Dom @softdom.me · 23/05/2026

A friend asked me the other day, "Why do you think so many people feel disconnected?" I said something like this: we have all this technology in between our relationships. We text rather than talk. Even if we share a space, there's often a phone or a computer somewhere, a screen screaming at us.

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How can I do more of the "oh, thank you, tell me more. What's in there about that? Help me understand"?

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When we always assume we're trying to do something good, sometimes we might not know better. People tell us that. It makes us ask questions. It makes us say, "oh, thankyou, tell me more." And it always opens a door for more conversation. It opens a door for something to grow.

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Because it allows us to be in a growth mindset, rather than saying, "oh, this person just told me I'm not good enough, and therefore I'm bad." It could be, "oh, this person just told me I don't know something. I can learn here." So, good-ish.

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