Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 1mI like to help people find things by pointing out that its gotta be around here somewhere. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 23hThis turtle goes to a Halloween party, this guy looks at him and says, “Who's that girl on your back?” The turtle says, “That's Michelle”. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 15/10/2026Sometimes when I'm get bored, I get wrapped up in a sleeping bag and lather butter all over myself and slide around the kitchen floor pretending I'm a slug. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 13/10/2026Make sure your lady eats today. You don't wanna lose her to a guy with some sandwiches. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 12/10/2026I just saw a facebook status, “Lonely man seeks wife.” He had 345 replies, all of them saying, "YOU CAN HAVE MINE!" 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 09/10/2026I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I'm down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 08/10/2026I am saving money this year. I bought my Halloween candy from a discount store. I sure hope the kids like Skattles, N&Ns and 4 Mustketeers. 010 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 07/10/2026I saw a boat today with a sign that said, “For Sale", so I added an "ing”. Idiots, they are lucky I was walking past. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 06/10/2026Ladies not to flirt, but I'd be the reason your fitted sheet keeps coming off. Mostly because I put it on sideways, but let's keep some mystery. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 05/10/2026I pay attention to who reacts on my posts. Because as soon as I get rich, I'm buying you all tacos. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 04/10/2026Women get up and do their hair, makeup and lashes every single morning. Meanwhile, men are trying to decide if getting dressed today is absolutely necessary. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 03/10/2026Once you have seen a woman take off her bra without removing her shirt, it makes more sense why they should be in charge of things. 001 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 02/10/2026What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 01/10/2026I'm about 25 cents a gallon away from removing my drivers side floorboard & Fred Flintstoneing. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 01/10/2026When you can’t find a pillow you use your best friend. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 29/09/2026The perfect job for me would be staining things for detergent commercials. 001 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Sunny D tastes like someone made a bet that they could make orange juice without oranges. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I saw a rodent dancing to a Hall & Oates’ song, so I left. I can’t gopher that. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 26/09/2026When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of chocolate covered toothpaste. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 25/09/2026What do you call a man who just finished digging a hole? Doug 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Due to personal reasons, I have decided to continue posting jokes on Facebook instead of seeking psychiatric help. 001 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 23/09/2026I think we can all agree. The "Timeout" generation did not turn out nearly as well as the ass whoopin' generation. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 22/09/2026As you age, it's ridiculous how fast bird-watching creeps up on you. You spend your whole life being pretty indifferent to birds and then one day you're like: "Damn, if I'm not mistaken, that's a yellow-rumped warbler." 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 21/09/2026Imagine today handing your kid a small magazine and asking them “what is on TV at 9:00”. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Thanks to everyone that has reached out. Day 3 has shown some positive progress. Swelling and pain, though obviously still there, has dropped a tad bit. I’m able to walk some on it (that makes Norman happy). Bad news. I never found the culprit. 🐍 010 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have broken ribs or diarrhea. 011 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 18/09/2026I wonder if all of this is happening because I opened that umbrella inside my house that one time when I was a kid. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 18/09/2026This is what a copperhead bite looks like. Nothing like spending the night in the ER. Was walking Norman in the dark. Stepped on it. Pain!!!! Swelling. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Raise your hand if you ever had to read cooking directions from a package in the garbage. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Go ahead and put that Christmas tree up. Nothing makes sense anyway. 010 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Our mom’s parenting style was: "Are you okay?” Followed immediately by: "Well, that's what happens when you don"t listen." 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 14/09/2026It's almost candy corn season for you crayon eating psychopaths. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 13/09/2026My GPS just told me to turn around. Now I can't see where I'm driving. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 12/09/202690% of adulting is saying “oh wow” to things that are totally not “oh wow”. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Me with face toward the sky, “What a beautiful day!“ Bird with ass towards my face, “Look at this idiot!” *Craps on my head* 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 10/09/2026The kids who wouldn't let you borrow a pencil in class are the same ones that don't let you merge onto the highway now. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 09/09/2026I put $25 in my gas tank and that thing went from a lowercase e to an uppercase E. This is ridiculous. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 08/09/2026If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 07/09/2026What makes us human? Selecting all images with traffic lights. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 06/09/2026Not Dishwasher Safe “Into the top rack you go, little buddy” 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 05/09/2026There is a lot of unused real estate on the back of a picture frame. Seems like a good place to put the price sticker instead of the front of the glass but what do I know? 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 04/09/2026I'm Starting an "Older Fans”. It is where you pay $5.99 a month to watch me injure myset doing absolutely nothing. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Norman feeling a little dapper after his haircut today. 000 0
Skwahder @skwahder.bsky.social · 02/09/2026I told a teenager today I used to get 10 tapes for a penny in the mail, and I'm not sure if he thinks I'm lying about what a tape is, what a penny is, what the mail is...or all three. 000 0
