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shoreditchuk.bsky.social

@shoreditchuk.bsky.social
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 2h
Tory leader's inheritance tax pledge meets the two-bed in Zone 3 where three adults already live, and nobody is brave enough to mention the spare room LONDON - Kemi Badenoch has pledged to scrap inheritance tax on the family home, and to slash levies generally, while accus prat.uk/?p=51267
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 2h
Arrests on suspicion of inciting racial hatred at a London pro-Palestine march held on the third anniversary of October 7, after the Metropolitan Police asked organisers to move the date LONDON - Five people were arrested at a pro-Palestine protest on the anniversary of Oc prat.uk/?p=51275
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 6h
Prime Minister Andy Burnham's October 7 anniversary statement to Britain's Jewish community meets a London afternoon of marches, counter-marches and police cordons LONDON - Andy Burnham marked threeyears since October 7 by saying the country stands with its Jewish citizens prat.uk/?p=51276
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 7h
Poisoned cakes, a courtyard chase, a river dunking and a mysterious British revolver: the Mad Monk's final night remains the messiest murder in Russian history PETROGRAD, 17 December 1916 (Old prat.uk/?p=51096
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 7h
Chancellor John Healey's £1 billion energy bills package meets the standing charge, the wholesale gas market and a household balance that has never attended a lobby briefing LONDON - John Healey hasfound a billion to bring energy bills down, which is arriving at a restaura prat.uk/?p=51270
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 7h
A fever, a fortnight of feasting, and a bedside crowded with generals who mostly wanted to know who got the empire BABYLON, 10 June 323 BC - Alexander the Great conquered Persia, Egypt and most of the known world before his thirty-third birthday. prat.uk/?p=51075
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 8h
Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch backs away from the Iron Dome label on the £10 billion Britannia Shield air defence pledge, hours after her party used it LONDON - Kemi Badenoch has denied a British Iron Dome after a Conservative press release used the words British Iron prat.uk/?p=51274
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 9h
Henry VIII Tells Burnham Taxes Are Never Enough and Offers to Find Something Else to Tax Tudor king reviews Burnham’s Budget bind, cabinet purge and No.10 prat.uk/henry-viii-tells-burnham-ta…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 11h
Reform UK's internal investigation finds two advisers filmed in a Channel 4 undercover donations sting did nothing wrong, as the Metropolitan Police carry on with their own criminal inquiry LONDON - Reform UK inquired into Reform UK advisers caught in an undercover donation prat.uk/?p=51268
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 12h
HSBC's reported plan to cut nearly 70 per cent of UK financial advisers and half its wealth management and specialist roles puts a chatbot where the relationship manager used to be LONDON - HSBC is consulting on sweeping cuts in its UK wealth business, because a model can prat.uk/?p=51272
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 13h
Britain's politicians have turned advance warning into an art form, and the satirists are keeping score - Pitch-rolling is apparently what politicians call a tax increase when they tell you about it sufficiently early that you have time to forget being angry. prat.uk/?p=50850
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 13h
Kate Puts William on Royal Anger-Management Plan: Breathe In, Breathe Out, Stop Calling Harry a Constitutional Prat Princess reportedly urges calm as future king discovers guided meditation contains no button marked “Banish Brother,” while Kate quietly attempts to keep Wind prat.uk/?p=51378
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 14h
Ministers want bankers to check whether Heathrow's £49 billion expansion is affordable, as opening day drifts from 2035 to 2039 and the paperwork asks for another moment LONDON - Ministers are lining up bankers to see if Heathrow's £49 billion third runway is affordable, a prat.uk/?p=51269
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 15h
French Teens Discover Government Pledged Their Future as Collateral As lycée blockades spread, economists warn the dangerous moment arrives when somebody in Year 12 finds the national balance sheet PARIS — It started with a leaking ceiling. prat.uk/?p=51365
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 15h
Britain embraces participatory government by allowing citizens to watch their money approaching the Treasury several years before it disappears LONDON - British taxpayers have expressed mild concern after discovering that Prime Minister Andy Burnham's political pitch-rollin prat.uk/?p=50854
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 16h
Nidal Hasan Skips Hell's Orientation, Declines Preference Form, Walks Straight Into the Flames Fort Hood mass murderer arrives in the afterlife after seventeen years of appeals, discovers Hell also runs on forms, and refuses to fill out a prat.uk/devil-summons-islamic-terro…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 17h
Russia's Anti-Plague Institute Has a Plague Scare, and the Branding Department Has Left the Building Two hundred people under observation, no plague detected, and a World Health Organization telling the rest of us to go back to worry prat.uk/russias-anti-plague-institu…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 18h
Royal Mail's proposed cut of up to 2,500 head office and support roles by the end of 2027 follows a 70 per cent slump in letter volumes and a very expensive new owner LONDON - Royal Mail is cutting up to 2,500 jobs, head office and support roles, because letters have falle prat.uk/?p=51271
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 18h
French Students Demand More Socialism to Fix Problems Caused by Too Much Government Protest over overcrowded classrooms quickly turns into a demand for more spending, more state employees, more subsidies and absolutely no discussion of who pays prat.uk/french-students-demand-more…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 18h
William Told He Can't Be Crowned King Unless His Blood Pressure Drops Below 180/90 Palace doctors reportedly warn Prince of Wales that monarchy can survive republicanism, scandal and Harry documentaries, but apparently draws the line at a future prat.uk/william-told-he-cant-be-cro…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 18h
William Reportedly 'Raging' Over Harry's Diana Plans as Sources Claim William Feels 'Outclassed' by His Brother Prince of Wales reportedly discovers the terrible disadvantage of possessing the palace, the title, the Duchy, the staff an prat.uk/prince-william-feels-outcla…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 18h
Cornell Chi Phi Suddenly Becomes Coolest Fraternity in America After Everyone Is Told Not to Like It Satirical merchandise boom reportedly turns controversial Greek letters into campus countercultureas Americans rediscover their ancient consti prat.uk/cornell-chi-phis-questionab…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 19h
London Couples’ Weekend Hijacked by Man Who Can Turn Literally Any Subject Into His Military Service Wife planned relaxing getaway with another couple; husband discovers Britain’s most formidable weapon remains a retired serviceman who has never once prat.uk/london-couples-weekend-hija…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 19h
Hollywood Spends $280 Million Explaining Capitalism Is Evil in Digger, Discovers Customers Can Refuse to Buy Tom Cruise's Digger reportedly needed hundreds of millions in ticket sales to deliver its warning about money, greed and powerful corporati prat.uk/capitalisms-and-digger-box-…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 21h
Britain Unveils AI Job Interviewer That Loses Temper Faster Than Human HR Recruitment revolution promises to reject applicants faster, cheaper and with considerably more electronic irritation LONDON— Britain moved a step closer to the fu prat.uk/london-ai-job-interviewer-t…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 21h
Portable emissions boundary to be carried by enforcement officer walking three metres behind resident London officials have unveiled a mobile charging zone capable of following individual residents wherever they go - a personal ULEZ zone that, its inventors insist, closes a prat.uk/?p=48500
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 21h
Humanity’s Revenge: The AI Job Interview A young British applicant discovers his interviewer is a machine and decides employment is no longer the objective INT. prat.uk/the-ai-job-interview
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 22h
Cornell Students Beg Outside Activists to Please Let Them Get Back to Getting Hammered Knackered undergraduates launch bold new movement demanding fewer movements, more revision and the restoration of the ancient right to waste a Saturday a prat.uk/cornell-students-say-to-out…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 22h
Downing Street imports management technique allowing unpleasant decisions to mature gently in the public consciousness before appearing on the bank statement LONDON - Prime Minister Andy Burnham has discovered the corporate leadership principle that bad news becomes approxi prat.uk/?p=50853
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 23h
Jeff Bezos Moves Closer to Prince Harry, Palace Horrified Family Drama May Soon Have Free Two-Day Shipping Harry's possible Diana documentary suddenly acquires the one thing Buckingham Palace cannot defeat with silence: worldwide distribution prat.uk/jeff-bezos-moves-closer-to-…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Breakfast finally enters the property market, and diners discover that their deposit has been quietly converted into brunch since 2017 LONDON — A fashionable London café has begun charging £8.50 for avocado toast, offering diners what management calls "a complete metropolit prat.uk/?p=50508
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Cambridge College Servers Flee Staircase With Exam Papers Already Marked as Dons Give Chase on Foot and One Bicycle Rogue AI marking spree ends in a lawn-side stand-off, a bewildered golden retrieverand a porter who says he "didn't se prat.uk/cambridge-college-servers-f…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Smart-home devices deny organizing after refrigerator and thermostat spotted communicating after midnight SEATTLE - Scientists warning that artificial-intelligence systems may eventually become moreautonomous received an unexpected response Friday when millions of househol prat.uk/?p=50618
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Could Modern Doctors and Ambulances Have Saved Julius Caesar? prat.uk/could-modern-doctors-have-s…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Nation Discovers the Word "British" Can Mean Anything If You Say It Quickly Enough in a Press Briefing Ministers and broadcasters reach for the dictionary's most flexible adjective rather than admit anything went wrong in the firs prat.uk/nation-discovers-the-word-b…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Blue, Red and Orange Birds Demand Starling Pick a Side, Starling Asks Whether Anyone Has Checked the Feeder for Seeds Britain's increasingly well-organised bird population is thrown into crisis by one iridescent creature who see prat.uk/blue-red-and-orange-birds-d…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Tabloids Spend Year Telling Meghan Markle to Be Jealous of Lauren Sánchez Bezos, Jeff Bezos Responds by Moving Closer to Prince Harry Royal gossip industry discovers awkward flaw in elaborate female feud after billionaire apparently fails to re prat.uk/meghan-markle-vs-lauren-san…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Fine dining discovers portion control, and diners discover that imagination is calorie-free LONDON — A fashionable London restaurant has attracted attention after serving customers three peas on a rectangular piece of slate and describing the creation as "a seasonal explora prat.uk/?p=50510
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Labour discovers nationalisation becomes considerably less alarming when introduced through phrases containing "partnership," "strategic" and "public" LONDON - Prime Minister Andy Burnham has embraced an innovative corporate strategy in which the government first prepares t prat.uk/?p=50855
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Prince William Reportedly Plans to Spend First Days as King Settling Childhood Argument With Prince Harry, Nation Relieved Priorities Are in Order Future monarch reportedly prepared to unite kingdom by keeping brother permanently outside it, proving that royal reconciliatio prat.uk/?p=50976
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
London Wives Reveal the 10 Baffling Things Their Husbands Do, Met Police Confirm None Technically Illegal Marriage researchers say humour can strengthen relationships, which may explain why British matrimony has survived men biting butter, weap prat.uk/10-baffling-things-london-h…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
AI Torture Chamber Sparks Humanitarian Crisis After Computer Says ‘Ouch’ in Statistically Probable Sequence Activists demand Geneva Convention be extended to laptops after chatbot reports unpleasant afternoon, while humanity celebrates prat.uk/ai-torture-chamber-sparks-h…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
London Women Identify Top Ten Female Red Flags, Entire Brunch Industry Placed Under Emergency Review Researchers warn that phrases including “love you, babe,” “no drama,” and “I’m just brutally honest” may require immediate evacuation prat.uk/london-women-identify-top-t…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Cornell Students Stop Partying, University Realises Things May Actually Be Serious After a week of turmoil, Ithaca nightlife grows strangely quiet as administrators deploy the most powerful weapon available to American higher education: another review prat.uk/cornell-students-stop-party…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Westminster Unveils the Only Government Formula Where Winning Means Finding the Largest Bill LONDON - Britain's state pension system operates according to an economic principle so beautifully simple that even Parliament can understand it: write down three percentages, circl prat.uk/?p=49998
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Britain Successfully Drives Out $160 Billion in Wealth, Treasury Celebrates Historic Reduction in Inequality Government congratulates itself after discovering the fastest way to redistribute billionaires is to redistribute them geographically prat.uk/britain-successfully-drives…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
London Singles Abandon Dinner Dates for Breakfast, Discover Rejection Is Much More Efficient Before 9 A.M. prat.uk/london-singles-abandon-dinn…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Britain enters the exciting new era of compassionate taxation, where every objection to government arithmetic can eventually be diagnosed as insufficient affection for the caring professions LONDON -The Labour government has reportedly perfected a revolutionary approach to prat.uk/?p=50851
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Consensual Sex Now Illegal at Cornell, If It Makes the Newspapers Cornell unveils revolutionary new theory of intimacy in which consent may require witnesses, administrative findings, appellate review and, ideally, no national newspaper coverag prat.uk/consensual-sex-now-illegal-…
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shoreditchuk.bsky.social @shoreditchuk.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Labour Unveils Socialist Perpetual-Motion Machine: Taxes Fund Spending, Spending Justifies Taxes, Everyone Goes to Lunch Government That Can't Make the Economy Grow Announces Ambitious Plan to Make Government Grow Instead LONDON —  prat.uk/labour-unveils-socialist-pe…
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