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(former) Secretary Nimziki

@secretarynimziki.bsky.social
88 followers 1 following 117 posts

U.S. Secretary of Defense. Former Director of Central Intelligence. Sworn to protect this nation from threats foreign, domestic, and some that are above your paygrade. || Parody account

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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
This is all General Grey's fault
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Shit
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
You're welcome.
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
ID4 in Real Time @1996id4.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
UNCONFIRMED: the nuclear strike on the alien spaceship over Houston, Texas was a success!
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
We're still waiting for visual confirmation, but it's a triviality at this point. Congrats everyone.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
We're still waiting for visual confirmation, but it's a triviality at this point. Congrats everyone.
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
ID4 in Real Time @1996id4.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
A USAF source confirms that a nuclear weapon has been fired on the alien spacecraft over Houston, Texas. My god…
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
OOH YEAH ! ITS A HIIIIIITTTYT
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
We're still waiting for visual confirmation, but it's a triviality at this point. Congrats everyone.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
WE GOT THE BASTARDDSSZS
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
OOH YEAH ! ITS A HIIIIIITTTYT
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
This will be a day long remembered. It has seen the end of General Grey's influence, it will soon see the end of the alien invaders.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
"May our children forgive us". I can't believe the President just said that. Our children will THANK US for what we've done today. We have just saved their future.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
It's showtime baby
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Honestly if General Grey can't do his job leading our troops, he should let someone else do it. He's not taking any of my smart suggestions.
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Of course they do. Have I been wrong even once in the past 24 hours ? Dumb question.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Man this past hour has been really inspiring. I don't want to write "exciting", I saw the Prez chew out some nerd HARD when he used that term.
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
My lawyer has been pretty explicit about which past statements I should revisit or not, something about perjury and high treason. But I won't stop fighting to protect America.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Unfortunately, the weakness of our military leaders (LOOKING AT YOU GREY) means that, at their advice, the President has elected to start with only ONE nuclear weapon against ONE enemy ship, instead of ALL our weapons against ALL enemy ships. I pray this decision will not cost us the war.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
This quote, more than any other made by the President over the weekend, will define his presidency. I predict that, 30 years from now, this sentence will be remembered as the most memorable speech made by President Whitmore.
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
ID4 in Real Time @1996id4.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Repeating from earlier: President Whitmore has ordered a nuclear strike against the invading alien force, the decision apparently being deal with the nuclear fallout or face total extermination. We will update as soon as we get further information on the nuclear decision.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
A special thank to this reporter who, at my personal request, kept this news under wraps while we were making the necessary preparations. We couldn't afford risking certain members of the military manipulate the President into changing his mind before the official confirmation.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
Operational security remains essential, so unfortunately I cannot elaborate as much as I'd like. Lemme just say this: 1) the President is finally listening to my advice 2) if you live in Houston, I suggest you prepare to move out. Maybe call your brother, housekeeper, lawyer (or forget the lawyer)
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
OMG YESSS !! FINALLY !!!
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Wait, hold on...
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
The President is trying to NEGOTIATE PEACE with the captured alien. I have never before witnessed such weakness 😡
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Rumors circulating to the effect that I asked Whitmore for a Presidential Pardon are completely unfounded. I have done nothing wrong, and therefore there is nothing to pardon. These lies are being perpetuated by dissatisfied military officers within the administration (looking at you Grey !)
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Have you ever had a coworker you can't stand, but he's the boss' favorite so you can't do anything ?
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
For the life of me, I cannot understand the press (and the President) fawning over this man, a third-rate "General" who doesn't have the STRENGTH to do what is needed for victory (nukes!)
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Frankly this whole discussion is a giant distraction. We should go back to the important matter at hand : how do we defeat this enemy ? (the answer is nukes)
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
On advice from my lawyer, who can't believe I haven't deleted this social media profile yet, I will no longer comment on the existence of a government facility that may or may not have been conducting research on the alien enemy and its technology.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Shit
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
I may not have been entirely accurate in some past statements.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Errr
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
I have already addressed these ridiculous rumors. There was no spacecraft or aliens recovered by the US government. I mean, look at our military budget, how would we have paid for all this ? We already spend a fortune just on procurements for hammers and toilet seats.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Have you ever had a coworker you can't stand, but he's the boss' favorite so you can't do anything ?
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Well well well, guess who just became next in line for the Presidency ? I mean, awful news. Just awful.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
As I've been advocating for some time.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Wtf
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Unsure about random civilians with ill-defined credentials traveling with and advising the President on Air Force One. OK you were right about the timing of the initial attack, I was right about everything else.
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
ID4 in Real Time @1996id4.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Emotional photo by @joshsisk.bsky.social - who somehow wound up on Air Force One - of the President and his daughter upon sunrise over a very different America than the one we woke to 24 hours ago. #ID4
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Seriously, stop asking about Area 51. There's nothing there, just look at the map.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Ok well nukes it is then. Like I said from the beginning.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
I would never lie to the American People
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
The President should immediately be transported to NORAD. While I can't share active, classified information, let me just say that Air Force One is NOT equipped to repel firepower of that magnitude. NORAD is the safest facility IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. We must go there rejoin with the Joint Chiefs.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Honestly if General Grey can't do his job leading our troops, he should let someone else do it. He's not taking any of my smart suggestions.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
I was right about the early evacuation. I SAID that we should have sent ICBMs in space long before those ships showed up in our atmosphere. Unfortunately, other people in this administration have fed the President ill advice. Now we must strike hard at our enemy.
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(former) Secretary Nimziki @secretarynimziki.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Confirmed. I am on record in favor of the nuclear option and I have not changed my position. The President will come around. He has to. While I believe our conventional arsenal can still be enough, nuclear weapons guarantee the level of destruction we need, now.
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Reposted by (former) Secretary Nimziki
ID4 in Real Time @1996id4.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
Air Force One has been in contact with NORAD regarding military response options. A nuclear counterattack has been met with a split vote, and President Whitmore refuses to allow it, particularly over American soil.
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