iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

[couples counseling] COUNSELOR: Let's reflect on last week's session DRACULA: I can't reflect on anything lol DRACULA'S WIFE: See what I put up with?

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 02/10/2026

COOKING WITH DRIED BEANS Step ①: set time machine for 24 hours ago and soak beans overnight

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 02/10/2026

COP: You're obviously a member of the Masons ME: Never, I swear COP: We found your trowel in the kitchen ME: Uhhh … I want my lawyer

Bacon cooking a griddle with a large trowel to keep the rashers flat.

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 26/09/2026

Out of all the inventions in the last 100 years, the dry erase board is probably the most remarkable

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Reposted by Sean Kelly

Marsha Loftis @msloftis.bsky.social · 07/04/2026

Space: 1999 quilt. I made this a few years ago. It’s one of my favorites I have made. This is handquilted. #Space1999 #quilt #handquilting #tapestry #textileart #alphamoonbase

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 16/09/2026

Hate my identical twin He looks 10 years younger because he moisturizes deeply and daily He’s really rubbing it in

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 16/09/2026

🎵 Take on cheese 🎶 (Take on cheese) 🎵 Take brie on 🎶 (Take on cheese) 🎵 Camembert 🎶 And fromage!

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 11/09/2026

My annoying nephew brags about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Whatever, you little idiot. I sleep in a real car. #comedy #joke

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Reposted by Sean Kelly

𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 @sundaedivine.lol · 09/09/2026

Even the crickets were embarrassed.

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 08/09/2026

COP: You know why I pulled you over? ME: Half off sale of Caramel PecanBons? COP: Get in, I can get us there faster #joke #comedy

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 05/09/2026

I’m capable of super-human strength, such as: • When my child is trapped under a car • When there’s unopened Talenti gelato in the freezer

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 03/09/2026

It’s so awkward when you’re riding an escalator and the mall music plays “Chariots of Fire” #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 29/08/2026

Follow me for more recipes! Recipe: Egg Difficulty: Egg Ingredients: • Egg • Eight whole egg 1. Put eight egg on a plate 2. Look at all those egg 3. Congratuleggtion

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 29/08/2026

I remember when I had amnesia A relief Thought I had forgotten

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 26/08/2026

Hear about the guy who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 25/08/2026

I respect the effort, Spectrum, but I'm not even tired. You got more? Bring it 😏

Twenty direct-mail marketing attempts from Spectrum.

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 24/08/2026

[at the bank] ROBBER: Gimme all the money! TELLER: Well I've got just ten bucks, but if you mean the bank's money, let me tell you about articles of faith. You see, what we consider currency is actually … wait! Come back! #jokes

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 23/08/2026

Q: What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? A: Benoit B Mandelbrot

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 23/08/2026

How can you tell apart a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized"

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 13/08/2026

ME: [to my cricket girlfriend] You still love me babe? CRICKET GF: [cricket sounds] ME: Is that ‘yes’ in cricket language or awkward silence?

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 12/08/2026

ME: [placing hand on shoulder] Son SON: What is it father? ME: Look at this cool severed hand I found in the woods

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 11/08/2026

"Beauty & the Beast" —Belle & the beast get married and all furniture turns into people "Beauty & the Best 2" —the Trip to Ikea

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 09/08/2026

The vicar on Grantchester? Obviously a Time Lord

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 09/08/2026

me: [grinding pepper onto my food] iron man: omg what have you done

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 08/08/2026

Who called it Orion's Belt instead of a waist of space? #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 08/08/2026

[pronounces testosterone like macaroni] #comedy

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 08/08/2026

You can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely #jokes

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 04/08/2026

[first day in prison] CELLMATE: That’s Flesh Eater Mike ME: Why do they call him that? CELLMATE: [whispering as Flesh Eater Mike walks by with blood dripping down his chin] it’s short for Michael #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 04/08/2026

ME: I'm so hungry, I could eat a human baby EVERYONE AT WHOLE FOODS: [gasping] ME: Fair trade organic of course, I'm not a monster #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 04/08/2026

Essential oils: what drips out of tacos

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 01/08/2026

COP: We got a report you have pot in your car ME: [pulls out a flower pot] You mean this? COP: [chuckles] My mistake. What are you growing? ME: Weed #comedy #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 30/07/2026

LIFE COACH: If you’re good at something, don’t do it for free ME: [googles how to sell crippling anxiety] #jokes

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 29/07/2026

Adding a 😂 to your funny joke or meme is the equivalent of a laugh track in a sitcom

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 28/07/2026

A new online store that sells only: • Prosciutto • Country style • Black Forest • Iberico • City style • Smithfield • Glazed • Jamón Serrano I call it "Hamazon" #jokes #joke #comedy #humor #haha

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 27/07/2026

ENIGMATIC RICH GUY: I’ve invited you to this private island to participate in the most dangerous game ME: When you splay your fingers on a table and then stab a spoon between them faster and faster? GUY: No, I’m talking about hunting—wait…you use a spoon? #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 26/07/2026

[in the lab] INVENTOR 1: [holding a fistful of ice cream] INVENTOR 2: There's got to be a better way INVENTOR 3: A cone? #joke #comedy

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 25/07/2026

Always wanted my own sailing vessel but settled to be a gravy boat captain #jokes #comedy

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 21/07/2026

You know you're old when your kid says "Stinkfist" is a song by Tool but for you will awlays be an EP by Lydia Lunch and Clint Ruin

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 20/07/2026

MUGGER: How much ya got? ME: [opens purse, finds two Snickers bars] One Snickers bar #comedy #jokes #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 20/07/2026

Maps used to say cool things like “here there be dragons” Now they just say bull crap like “Portugal” #comedy #jokes #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 20/07/2026

Saw the International Space Station pass through the sky last night which was cool But what was NOT cool was a guy looking out the window as he mouthed the word "nerd" at me #comedy #jokes #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 19/07/2026

me: OMG her: I thought you were Buddhist me: oh right, OMB #comedy #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 19/07/2026

ME: You are quite naughty CAT: Meow ME: Yes, but next time there will be consequences CAT: Meow ME: You’re right probably not

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 19/07/2026

MAILMAN: [murdering me] ME: Help, the mailman's murdering me! MY DOG: If only someone had indicated six days a week for years now that the mailman was bad OH WAIT #comedy #jokes

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 19/07/2026

"You have reached the acupuncture self-help hotline. Please enter your pin." #comedy #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 19/07/2026

If you're serious about recycling you'll empty out, wash, and hang dry that condom #comedy #joke

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 19/07/2026

What is E.T. short for? Because he has little legs #jokes #comedy

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 17/07/2026

ME: [plugging in phone] PHONE: [vibrates] ME: yeah you like that huh #comedy #jokes

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Sean Kelly @seankelly.biz · 17/07/2026

SHE: wakey-wakey-eggs-and-bakey! ME: I'm vegan SHE: wakey-wakey-vegetables-and-sadness! #jokes #comedy

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