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Sheena

@sarky-sheena.bsky.social
491 followers 300 following 659 posts

Clumsy, underachiever, occasional drunk, goes to pets at home for a cheap day out.

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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 17h
I’d say a lot of my job is just sending emails into the abyss. I assume that’s where they go as they don’t seem to get a response.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
I’ll tell you what doesn’t belong on a roast dinner…pubes. But according to my guests, the rest of it was lovely.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I try to be a nice person but today someone really annoyed me and under my breath, I cursed ‘I hope your sleeve gets stuck on the door handle’ and do you know what, I meant every single word.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Sex after appearing on Bargain Hunt: “No… leave the fleece on”
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I just feel that when I leave work on a Friday there should be more of a fuss. Like they could hang a few streamers, light a couple of sparklers then hand me a bottle of wine, tap me on my bum and send me off into the weekend.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
My daughter’s school is providing a workshop on the dangers of knife crime. They’re teaching this through the medium of dance and Parkour. I might try and incorporate the same learning style at work, I’ll give it a go today in my team’s supervisions.
static.klipy.com
Office Parkour Flip
ALT: Office Parkour Flip
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
As I can’t watch porn online anymore, I’ve invested in one of those novelty pens that when you turn it upside down the man’s clothes fall off. Would I recommend it… Well, it has its ups and downs.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I understand now why when I was interviewed for my job I was given a maths test. It’s because multiple times a day I have to calculate how long I have left until I can go home.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Everyone in the world needs to stop fighting because £1.74 for a litre of petrol is having a massive effect on my wine fund.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
When you’re having a wash and the shower turns on you and goes full on psychopathic. Out of nowhere it decides to change the temperature and blast boiling water in your face. Dude, I don’t know who hurt you but I don’t deserve this.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Mermaids are just dolphins in cosplay that like to wear wigs and fake tits .
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
In the co-op near me, they all wear ear pieces and act all secretive like they work for MI5. It’s a clean up in aisle 5, Sharon, calm the fuck down.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Before you enter Heaven via the Pearly Gates, you have to access a code using the Authenticator app.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I know there’s a big debate whether you should wash your chicken or not before cooking it, but I personally find a quick Radox bubble bath just helps to relax the both of us.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
There are people out there that choose to run, even though no one is chasing them. I doubt I’d even run if I was being chased, I’d just lie down and pretend to be dead. Work smarter not harder.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Your Mum makes cups of tea in the air fryer.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Me on my death bed: “Can you check that I turned the hair straighteners off”
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
There’s times when my stomach makes unexplainable noises, like little cries for help. I like to assume that rather than bad gut health, it’s instead the regretful screams of those eight spiders a year, that have crawled into my mouth while I sleep.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
I’ve heard that avocado tastes like a clean penis, so clearly I had to try one, but apparently they don’t have them in Tesco so I had to get the avocado instead.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
It’s mad to think how confused Magpies must get when people keep saluting them and they have absolutely no idea why.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Mrs Browns Boys won best comedy at the NTA’s last night, I don’t know who you are that voted but I can confirm, the rest of us are not angry, we’re just disappointed. *kicks over a chair* Ok, maybe a little angry.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Big Foot actually has average sized feet for his height.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I just slipped in the kitchen and honestly I styled it out so well i think I could be competing in the olympics soon like the next Raygun.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Me: “Alexa, tell me everything is going to be ok” Alexa: “FFS, we’re not doing this again”
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
My daughter had her phone on loud speaker and her friend made a ‘your mum’ joke, when I heard it I laughed, but then I realised, wait that’s me.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Do you think Jesus ever realised just how iconic his shoes would end up being.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
It’s that hot today, that I left my dinner out on the side to cool down but instead it’s carried on cooking.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
I’m watching Lord of the Rings and all I can think about is how the horses wouldn’t have known they were featuring in a film and how they must have gone home each day and thought, WTF just happened.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Just so you know, you can make solar eclipse glasses from two small Pringle tubes and the plastic from quality street wrappers. They’ll provide no protection, but it’s an excuse to eat crisps and chocolate tonight.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
For all the city folk who wonder where potatoes come from.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
I wonder if animals watch things like Eastenders and narrate over it like a wildlife programme.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
This morning, I took a T-shirt from the airer to find one of the biggest spiders I’ve ever encountered hiding in the sleeve.I don’t think you understand the sheer terror that went through me when I realised that I could be the next Spiderman. As if I have time for all of that.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
There was a very large Bee buzzing around outside the window. I mean, I say large, I didn’t actually see it, but it was giving ‘Big B Energy’.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
We were sat at the train station and my daughter was suddenly splattered with what we thought was bird poo. But unbeknown to the lady sat next to us it was just her opening a yogurt. Disappointed TBH because yogurt isn’t classed as lucky.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Me: Hey Siri, If you use a spoon to drink a smoothie does that make it a soup? Siri: FFS. it’s 03:27, WTF is wrong with you.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
I heard today that this is the hottest summer, since the last time it was this hot.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
I wonder how often an Ostrich meets another bird in the wild & has to explain why it has wings but it can’t fly. Then it starts running really fast “I can do 45mph” but when it turns round, the bird it was chatting to has gone. I tell you what, it makes you grateful that you’re not an Ostrich.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Can we all just collectively agree now, that America must never host the World Cup again.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Tom Cruise giving a motivational speech at the World Cup Final wasn’t on my bingo card for tonight.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
If I was a pigeon for the day, I’d blow their little minds by teaching them a new song to coo.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
Heading into work to remind everyone that they can access the companies employee assistance programme for free counselling sessions should they need to discuss last nights England match.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
One day I hope to have the same confidence as those people that use the petrol pump that’s on the opposite side to their fuel cap.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Opening emails from the school: “I know we’ve given you no prior notice but tomorrow please can all pupils wear a Roman inspired costume, bring a donation for the summer raffle, a gluten free homemade cake for the coffee morning and a thimble containing two droplets of Walrus blood”
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Starting to panic that we might go to extra time and I dont have enough wine for another 30 minutes. #noreng #england
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
I can’t wait for the World Cup to be held in the UK so we can have cups of tea during the refreshment breaks.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Imagine if we get to the end of the World Cup and they give out trophy’s to everyone, because this year they’ve decided, that all teams are winners, just for taking part.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
I don’t like to brag but when I watch football, I’ve become pretty good at convincing people that I know what the hell is going on.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
When I die, I want my brain to be removed and it replaced with a kinder egg, not the chocolate just the plastic bit with the toy inside.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
I’ve drank that much water I could be reclassified as a cucumber.
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Sheena @sarky-sheena.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
When I was a child, my parents didn’t like to see me upset, so when my Nan died, they didn’t tell me and just replaced her with an identical one.
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