iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

How annoyed do you think Ken Jennings would be if I got on Jeopardy and then answered everything with "Is it x?" and "Could it be y?" instead of "What is...?"

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Usually my dentist tells me I need to floss more, but this time all she said was that I'm "flossing too hard" and yeah, I know, it's cause I was trying to cram six months' worth of flossing into ten days.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

I'm making a real effort to not drink or smoke during the week, so now I need a new fix, and regretfully, I have found that Being Confrontational is kinda hitting for me right now. I know a bunch of Republican lawmakers that are about to get a ton of nasty voicemails this evening!!!

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Giving a driver who ran a red light and almost murdered you in the crosswalk while you were on your silly little mental health walk the finger < giving them a sarcastic thumbs up < looking them dead in the eye while sticking the LOSER L up on your forehead

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Good news, I got my depression under control (I transmuted it into anger!!!) so now I'm back on here to scream into the void and be annoying and occasionally force pictures of my dogs onto everyone. WITNESS THEM.

Two dogs lounge on a mustard colored throw on a leather couch. The smaller black dog lays across the top of the couch like a cat, while the larger white fluffy one sprawls across the cushions. They are both looking at the camera and wondering why the photographer is pointing a phone at them instead of offering them cheese. They think this is very rude and that they deserve cheese just for existing. There is an exercise bike in the background. The photographer hasn't used it in over two months but she swears she's gonna get back up there soon. Several plants in the background wish for death's sweet embrace.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 05/11/2025

My best friend / former roommate texted to tell me the dog we adopted together 14 years ago was going to sleep for the final time WHILE I WAS IN THE DENTIST’S CHAIR, my streak continues, I’m inconsolable and also never getting my teeth cleaned ever again.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 17/10/2025

Big news, I am now the proud owner of this beauty (and whatever spirits are attached to it).

A ceramic lamp of a small brown spaniel, sitting up on its hind legs. It is turned on, and glowing. The eyes are wide and lit up, making it look haunted. It probably is.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 20/09/2025

It’s almost fall and everything is either maple or pumpkin flavored AND there’s a new Taylor Swift album on the horizon. I should be having the time of my life but all these fucking fascists are really trying to ruin my Autumnal Experience!!

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 28/08/2025

Can someone just make a slutty orthopedic shoe already?! It would fix me (for a few hours).

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 14/07/2025

Favorite family member died Saturday night. Thankfully the engineer in the house has made sure I can still play Oblivion while waiting on a replacement 😔

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 12/07/2025

Have three drinks in me which means I refuse to shut up about how much I miss Pop-Up Video and how I wish everything I watch on tv could get the Pop-Up Video treatment.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 07/07/2025

It took 11 years, but my husband and I finally have the ol' folie à deux (and I'm DEF the inducer): We had brunch on Saturday. Afterwards, he bought a ton of crystals from an oddity shop, and said "The amethyst sphere was a good investment, let's put it on the windowsill so the moon can see it."

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 16/06/2025

Attempted to order the Ugly Gold Phone (for work, obv!!!) but was unable to. I have a DC billing address, and they wouldn't accept that as a state on their site. I am not surprised by this. I WILL be surprised if a tacky looking phone actually makes it to our office come September. 🙃

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 12/06/2025

Debuted our new bar trivia team name last night- Hammurabi's Chode. We were sure we'd win best name. The host kept calling us "Harambe's chode" and saying "dicks out for Harambe!" so eventually we were like "Not the gorilla. The Babylonian. You know, an eye for an eye?" She said "Huh? Who?" 🫠

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 30/05/2025

I've lost 13 pounds since my husband went on Zepbound solely because he no longer turns into a little late night goblin who whispers shit to me like "I'm getting another beer, I'll grab you one, too" or "I want ice cream, getting two spoons" or "Did you know we have freezer waffles?"

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

Trying to decide if I want to pay a salon $60+ to give me a crown braid, or if I just want to give my husband one of my Adderalls, make him watch some YouTube tutorials, and then force him be my little Braiding Bitch.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 08/05/2025

The new pope must be a mostly okay dude as evidenced by the fact that no one in my conservative (Pope Francis hatin’) Catholic family has texted me any form of “praise Jesus” or “God is GREAT!!” yet. Not even a “USA! USA!”

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 03/05/2025

Once again having a panic attack in the card aisle because they all say stuff like “you’re my best friend!” and “world’s greatest mom!” instead of “Happy Mother’s Day, my therapist says thanks for her beach house”.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 16/04/2025

My dermatologist told me the skin on my face is "gorgeous" and oh boy, that's gonna keep me going for a while. It's also gonna turn me into an absolute monster for a few days because A DERMATOLOGIST thinks I have good face skin. Do you know how much skin she looks at every day?! Top-tier compliment.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 30/03/2025

Yesterday I went on a dog walk and met a woman who was probably 12 years younger than me. When I told her my dog’s name is Ned Flanders she said “Oh! Like the song!” No….like Ned Flanders.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 29/03/2025

Negotiating the accordion I’m going to buy with my husband (I need a new hobby to distract me from the atrocities). We’ve agreed that I can buy the best worst one now and then, in a year, if I still like it, I can buy the worst best one.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 28/03/2025

I put a bunch of stuff I don't want anymore on my curb two hours ago and 3/4 of it is gone already, and I don't know what is wrong with me but I am SO happy about it. I love it when my stuff gets to go live in a new house!! I hope it's happy there!!!

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 20/02/2025

Found an interesting mold in my ceramics studio today.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 04/02/2025

My parents "hate socialism" so I went ahead and removed them from all my streaming/shared accounts. Now they can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and pay for their own Max and Hulu and Paramount+ and AppleTv+ and Disney+ and Spotify. Bye-bye to their two day Prime Delivery! ❤️

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 03/02/2025

I just finished Mad Men and am obviously in a really good place mentally so I made this instead of giving myself bangs.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 03/02/2025

Welcome back to my Eye Twitch, haven't hung out with her since the early pandemic days of 2020.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 01/02/2025

My neighbor has stopped attempting to make small talk with me ever since the November Incident, where we ran into each other on a walk and he said “how’s it goin” and I said “SORRY I’M BEING WEIRD, I SMOKED A BONG AND NOW I’M LISTENING TO ‘EAST OF EDEN’ ON AUDIOBOOK AND I’M CRYING CAUSE I LOVE LEE!”

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 25/01/2025

Starting to worry that I married an idiot after he asked me why the ashes from a letter written to my grandma and then burned during a full moon would be better for doing witchcraft than the ashes from a joint. It’s like he doesn’t get the science behind magic at all.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 22/01/2025

If we're gonna regress this much can we at least bring back Quaaludes?

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 21/01/2025

Husband and I thought it was funny to start calling The Algorithm “Al Gore’s Rhythm” and now it has obviously devolved to the point where we’re just yelling shit like “I laughed at one 9/11 meme last month and Al Gore will NOT let it go” and “AL GORE BASICALLY FORCED ME TO BUY A NEW PURSE!”

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 18/01/2025

If I was Taylor Swift I would drop Reputation (Taylor’s Version) at 11:55 AM on Monday.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 15/01/2025

My favorite part of making pottery is experimenting with different glazes and seeing how they react together. Sometimes you find a really cool combo... and then other times it looks like you took a perfectly good bowl and smeared some shit onto it.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

My parents, who are in both in their mid-60's, recently retired and moved from New York to Florida. I just received a truly devastating phone call from my mom- they've managed to log out of Hulu, Apple TV+, AND their Aura photo frame. They need me to FaceTime them. Accepting thoughts and prayers.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 10/01/2025

My husband just forgot the word "colonoscopy" and referred to it as a "buttoscomy" and oh my God, I will NEVER let him live this down. We're going to be in our 70's and I'll still be writing "Buttoscomy, 10 AM" on the calendar.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 01/01/2025

Husband and I each pulled a tarot card for the new year. His said he would have a prosperous year. Mine said I should quit my job and stop being so materialistic. Me:

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 26/12/2024

Since 2021, every other time I go to the dentist someone I know dies. Logically this is because people start dying as they grow older. Not-so-logically, I’ve had to reschedule my 12/18 appointment three times already because I’m scared- my desire for clean teeth killed my aunt last January.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 21/12/2024

One dog, one cursed entity forced to spend his life in the body of a dog.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 20/12/2024

My husband is four days younger than I am, so now I get to hear “when you were my age did you ever do x?” and “is it scary, being 37?” and “I love cougars” and “you’re the oldest woman I’ve ever been with” nonstop for the next four days. He has no respect for his elders.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

I was a real consumer this past week. You’re welcome, The Economy!

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

My mom passive-aggressively texted me "calling your mother reduces stress levels, the sound of her voice releases oxytocin" but when I called all her voice did was yell at me for getting a flu shot. Prior to 2020, she used to call and yell at me to hurry up and get my flu shot already.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 28/11/2024

My new dishwasher blew the power and none of the switches on the breaker would flip back. Aleks fixed it…by ripping the dishwasher from the wall. His whole tool box is on the kitchen floor. He just said “Those wires are live, don’t touch them!” So I’m thankful we don’t have company til Saturday.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

I'm definitely not an anxious Thanksgiving host. It's normal to spend the week leading up to the event making 2-5 variations of each dish and then forcing your spouse to do blind taste tests on everything. It's normal that tonight's dinner is Broccoli Three Ways with Two Different Carrot Dishes.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 22/11/2024

I've been summoned for jury duty for the fourth time. They had me watch an orientation video that told me not to take it personally if I don't get selected, but here's the thing: I'm gonna.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

My predictions for the rest of 2024: Jeanine Pirro gets nominated for AG. Mike Lindell gets....something. A flat-Earther is nominated to head up NASA. I wring my hands so much the skin comes off.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

I'm going to win my Annual White Elephant Gift Exchange this year.

This is a strange taxidermy creature. It has brown wings, a greyish-brown furry body, two small horns and clawed, webbed feet. It has one blue eyeball that peers directly into your soul. It knows all of your secrets.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 19/11/2024

I’m having a Day so now everyone has to look at my dogs.

A black dog lays on her back on a fuzzy mustard-colored blanket on a brown leather couch. She is resting her head on my hand while I pet her. She’s too much. Who told her she could be that cute? She’s ridiculous. I can’t.

A furry white dog takes up 3/4 of a queen bed. Someone must be touching him at all times, or else. If you stop for even a second, he will moan and slap you. I am touching him here because I don’t want to be slapped. There are several dying plants in the background.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 19/11/2024

Last night I said "I hate this year!!" out loud while quietly thinking "at least I get to host Friendsgiving next week", so the universe countered with "I'm gonna break your one year old dishwasher, have fun cleaning up after your party, you dumb bitch!"

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 18/11/2024

Just dropped waaaaay too much on a post-election feel-better “treat” for myself: a buttload of jaw Botox because I’ve spent the past few months clenching and grinding my molars down to DUST

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 15/11/2024

I don't know what gives her the right to lounge like that, it's not like she pays rent.

A black dog with a white chest sprawls out across a blue armchair, with her legs spread and her belly up. She acts like she owns it, even though she definitely did not buy said chair AND she gets to live in this house for free. She has a perfectly good dog bed, filled with many toys, that she ignores in favor of the chair.

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Sarah Smithers @sarahsmithers.bsky.social · 13/11/2024

The ceramics studio I've been throwing at for the past two years is closing in a few months (the owners are moving), so soon my only hobby will be dissociating in the bathtub 😭

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