Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 28/09/2026oh great typical Monday my upstairs neighbor's toilet overflowed and flooded my scream closet again 031
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 08/09/2026You don't have to be a snooty art critic to see that those early cave paintings suck 080
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 15/08/2026Can't tell if the guy in the van is yelling free candy or freak andy but either way I'm in 071
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Two roads diverged in a wood and I — I being a total fuckwad, took the wrong one of course. 161
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 10/06/2026Me: I have what? Doctor: IBS Me: This is no time for bullshitting Doc 030
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 19/04/2026I wish I loved anything half as much as little kids love showing you how fast they can run. 050
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 14/04/2026still find it hard to believe that some people look down at their innocent newborn baby boy and think ahh yes I'll call him Geoff 350
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 28/03/2026Inventor of getting attacked by a bear: Hey let’s go for a hike in the woods Inventor of not getting attacked by a bear: No thanks 0140
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 21/03/2026[to the realtor showing me a property on sesame street] wait is that a vampire 0140
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 20/03/2026dang exactly how much 69-ing did Bryan Adams do that summer?? 081
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 19/03/2026Turtle 1: It’s cool how we always carry our house with us Turtle 2: Which is also our coffin Turtle 1: What the fuck’s wrong with you, Jeff? 0235
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 17/03/2026FOUND: Flying fish. Colorful feather-like scales. Can talk w/ limited vocab. Sneaky eyes. Refuses to stay in water. 1216
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 13/03/2026[hiking in bear-filled woods] Friend: Wait do you have food in your pockets? Me: Haha no why would I have ham in my pockets? Friend: I didn’t say ham Me: Ok detective 060
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 11/03/2026Me: So what’s this lowlife in for? Zookeeper: Again, this isn’t animal prison 0120
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 10/03/2026Take me down to the Paradox City where the grass is green and the grass isn't green 0151
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 08/03/2026Boss: Let’s put this matter aside for the time being Me: [looking around nervously] Can only you see the time being? Boss: Huh? Me: Is it standing near me? Boss: Who? Me: [on verge of panic attack] The time being 014148
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 05/03/2026[inventing the hot air balloon] I don't give a fuck where I go 11585151
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 04/03/2026Wolverine’s mom: If you’re going out take your brother with you Wolverine: But Mom he’s so weird Listerine: Nothing weird about fresh breath 06617
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 03/03/2026If you smell toast, you might be having a stroke... a stroke of luck that is. It’s toast time. 203908911
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 10/02/2026Hi Barbara? Yeah I just saw the posters you put up and no, I have not seen your cat but I'd love to. Is now a good time to come take a look? 438154
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 10/02/2026Me: If I give you another piece of fruit, do you promise not to throw it? Chuck Berry: Maaaaybe 070
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 10/12/2025a reading from Paul's first letter to Penthouse Forum 0265
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 21/10/2025everyone assumes my shirts are always covered in dandruff and that's fine I just let them because it's actually parmesan 020
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 20/10/2025the clash: should I stay or should I go now? me: what'll happen if you go? the clash: there will be trouble me: and what'll happen if you stay? the clash: it will be double me: well I'm no genius but the answer seems pretty obvious to me 1121
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 05/10/2025We are all God's children. Except for you, Jeff. You were adopted. 030
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 25/09/2025I would not trust the first person who called them "sneakers". What are you up to in those things? 020
Troutman @robotrowboat.bsky.social · 21/09/2025judge: your record shows you're a repeat offender me: a what? judge: repeat offender me: offender haha 062
