theonion.com
Eric Adams Appoints Deputy Patsy For All Future Corruption Probes
NEW YORK—Newly elected New York City mayor Eric Adams continued to fill integral positions in his administration Thursday when he reportedly appointed a deputy patsy for all future corruption probes. “I’ve known Wendell Baez for years, he has a great track record of taking the fall for elected officials through all stratas of city government, and I know he’ll do well in this position,” said Adams, adding that the newly appointed deputy patsy would be leading a small team to take the fall for all future investigations into Adams for misappropriating funds, political patronage, and nepotism. “Mr. Baez will be working hand in hand with my administration to get out ahead of any potential corruption probe by installing people loyal to me in the district attorney’s office, as well as in any federal investigation team. Because of that, he’ll be well-positioned to take the fall when illicit arrangements come to light while I keep my nose clean. New Yorkers can rest assured that this administration intends to do everything we can to maintain plausible deniability and transfer blame onto someone else.” The deputy patsy was only one of several new Adams hires making waves, although the new mayor had been criticized for promoting several current mid-level city officials to members of his immediate family.
