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Redville Zoo

@redvillezoo.bsky.social
1.4K followers 1 following 60 posts

Definitely not a haunted zoo

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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
We lost our liability insurance & temp closed but reopened without it because the courts seized most of our assets anyway. What's anyone going to get from us in a lawsuit? We have a minihorse who hates children, a concussed goat, the aviary is local pigeons & our zebra is just a donkey with alopecia
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 14/05/2026
We've been gerrymandered away from Greeneville because Greeneville Zoo couldn't handle being the 2nd best zoo in the district.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
ZOO RENOVATION UPDATE Turns out the alligators didn't escape. They were downriver in our Exotic Fish Extravaganza.* Alligator pen renovations are complete and the fencing now reaches to the bottom of the river. *Please contribute to our Exotic Fish Extravaganza GoFundMe.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 01/03/2026
We had another mauling incident. They'll probably be more. It is what it is.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
OSHA took our bonobo's glass cutters.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
Our polar bears get ready to take a cold plunge.
Polar bear in zoo enclosure wearing blue jeans on back legs
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
An eagle that smokes? Really, Greeneville? We had a moose get drunk on fermented apples in a trash bin and it took 3 burly guards to pry his antlers loose but we never gave him shit about it.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 11/01/2026
Wrong. That was your mom.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 10/01/2026
This is revisionist history. Gavin was stealing food from the badgers.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 09/01/2026
The wolves have put themselves in charge of the deer pen.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 27/12/2025
We appreciate the positive comments about our manger scene but we don't have a manger scene. Karl our greensman passed out in the sheep pen.
Sever sleeping sheep. A man is curled up and sleeping with them.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 20/12/2025
"A zebra is just a redacted horse" -Kyle The Intern
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
Greeneville didn't have a rodent enclosure until the city caught them dumping pesticides next to their compost bins and those rats look like the Dogs of Chernobyl.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 04/12/2025
Nobody knows who's in charge over at Greenville.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 01/12/2025
Introducing the very first zoo crypto, "REDVILLE COIN 🍌🍌" We don't have a prospectus, but we do have a tax lien and an urgent deadline to buy liability insurance before January 1st.
Photoshop of a beveled banana on a coin that says "REDVILLE ZOO 2025"
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 26/11/2025
The zoo is temporarily closed while we take an inventory of our missing turkeys.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 23/11/2025
It wasn't us. We can't even keep our own turkies safe.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 16/11/2025
Thanks to everyone who contributed to the GoFundMe to raise money for Groundskeeper Carl's rabies shots. Good news, the bat tested negative. Bad news, Carl had a blood alcohol level of 2.8 which is a parole violation and we used the money to get him a lawyer.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
After a temporary shutdown over living conditions, the weasels have voted with the pigs to reopen the zoo.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 04/11/2025
We want to thank everyone who donated to get our GM out of jail. There's no way to know the lemurs were stolen.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 26/10/2025
One of our chimps burned down the wash station. Hugo only gets in the tub if we give him a cigarette but we forgot to take away his lighter.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 16/10/2025
Here's the thing about Redville Zoo. We're not the biggest. We're not the fanciest. Some of our paperwork is questionable and a few of our animals are carrying diseases we can't identify, but we've been the #1 attraction in Redville since our truck ran out of gas and coasted into an empty field.
Giraffe in the back of a pickup truck.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 15/10/2025
We have close to 1000 followers and the greatest fan base on the socials. You folks are the best! Now, can someone lend us $ to bail out our social media person? or we'll be forced to start a podcast.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 15/10/2025
Redville Zoo's sea otters hold hands because we value love and family.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 11/10/2025
You can't tariff a good time! Visit Redville Zoo.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 04/10/2025
We hate to spread gossip, but we heard that Greeneville's Giant Andean Condor Is just a fat crow.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 28/09/2025
We want to congratulate Greeneville management on 1 day since a clown terrified a child at their "brilliant" BOO AT THE ZOO Halloween event.
Terrifying clown against a stark striped background
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 21/09/2025
We apologize for trying to pass off trout as koi fish in our "Exotic Aquatic Experience" but tariffs are kicking our butts and we thought red highlighters were waterproof.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 20/09/2025
You'll never hear Greeneville's wolves cry to the blue corn moon.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 18/09/2025
Today, Greeneville Zoo said some of the most disturbing words we've ever heard.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
At least we're not on a Superfund site and our zoo director has both his arms.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 12/09/2025
Big weekend at Greeneville Zoo. We don't like to spread rumors but we heard they're trying to pass off a whiny coyote as a rare New Guinea Singing Dog.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 31/08/2025
Unlike Greeneville Zoo, our employees aren't forced to wear weirdass matching uniforms.
Matching Greeneville Zoo logo shirts and pants.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 31/08/2025
Unlike Greeneville Zoo, Redville Zoo will be open be open normal hours on Labor Day.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 29/08/2025
Greeneville Zoo is the only zoo in America where you enter through an insurance office.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 27/08/2025
A lot of people are saying that Greeneville Zoo sits on top of a Superfund site and their "Rare And Unusual Animals" exhibit is just a collection of radioactive freakish mutations that you enter at your own risk.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 13/08/2025
Octopuses have 3 hearts and they all hate Greeneville Zoo.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 02/08/2025
Our fainting goats are authentic. Greeneville Zoo's fainting goats are just drama queens.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 31/07/2025
The biggest difference between Redville Zoo and Greeneville Zoo is our animals are free to leave.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 30/07/2025
We were shocked to find out that Greeneville Zoo's passwords were all 123chimpanzee.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 05/07/2025
Greeneville zoo doesn't understand "freedom"
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 26/06/2025
Greeneville calls it an"escape." We call it "the governor's work furlough and rehabilitation program through soft societal reintegration."
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 24/06/2025
And we want To Congratulate Greeneville Zoo On their Prison Work Release Program and remind visitors that a flashing red ankle bracelet means you should call the cops.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 17/06/2025
Our weasel was glad to finally be caught. He was living off scraps from the Greeneville Zoo Cafe and now he's pre diabetic.
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 13/06/2025
Greeneville Zoo makes it's animals drink out of a garden hose
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Redville Zoo @redvillezoo.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
We hate to start rumors but the director of Greeneville Zoo was spotted passed out next to the donkey tranquilizers.
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