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Ed Teach

@realedteach.bsky.social
250 followers 385 following 1.2K posts

American living in Portugal. Parent, writer, part-time dufus, full-time sarcasm user. Trying to make sense of all this nonsense. Words at LisbonWire.com.

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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 7h
Brooks is like the Glass Joe of the "just be reasonable" reactionaries. If you can't flatten him in 3 mins. You need to spend more time learning the controller. Unfortunately, a lot of Dems have been stopped by this exact BS.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 8h
"You're SUPPOSED to be a bashful maiden. Why are you TALKING like a daddy?!!! Ahhhh!!!"
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Yeah, but he'll mask up before going in like the rest of them. "Jesus JD! I know it's you. I recognize the eyeliner!"
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Sure, sure. But he's spot on about point 1. What US-born worker could have possibly filled the position of "College dropout, pursuing concept of 'what if I got money from the internet?"
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
I imagine an alt version of Star Wars, without the name change to Vader. Ep IV opening-ext. Mos Eisley: "Whoa, Anakin went totally psycho working for the Emperor. I heard he strangled a dude with his mind, for like no reason." "THAT Anakin?! No way! He wouldn't do that. Rebel propaganda."
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
TBH, probably better for fascist collaborators to change the names of the entities they're repurposing to pursue their ideological goals. I.e. "I enjoyed Twitter, but X is shitshow," creates zero cognitive dissonance for me.
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Reposted by Ed Teach
Racket @racketmn.com · 07/10/2026
Want 2 free tickets to see hip-hop legend Rakim w/ Room 3 Collective (late show) on Oct. 15 at the Dakota? Hit repost for a chance to win!
Rakim
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Holy shit! Brett Kavanaugh has living parents AND one of them has a burner account on Twitter?!
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Reposted by Ed Teach
Trapped O'Brien, Please Free Me From This Prison @radobrien.myatproto.social · 06/10/2026
Does Paramount even KNOW how to take care of the Animaniacs?
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
America's service industry is fundamentally demeaning and immiserating. And I was fine with that until I met a waiter with blue eyes, and the injustice of it all left me irreparably sadpilled.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
IDK. Don't know that I'd turn my nose up at a job offer for Professional Saboteur
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
As someone whose understanding of this stuff is admittedly unsophisticated, seems like the most likely AI boom outcome is that productivity gains get mostly offset by an arms race between AI scams and AI countermeasures. And the alternative is to spend trillions of dollars on other things instead.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Taking a break from writing my 2000 word Op/Ed about how Dems are out of touch with real America, because of how often I imagine Blue city voters referrring to my state as "fly over country," to watch this.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Sometimes the future actually sucks. Unfortunately I think this will be a running theme for the foreseeable future.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
So long dental plan!!!!
Lenny.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
"Military helmets aren't actually 'bullet proof' in the context of a direct hit from modern rifle fire. They're better suited to minimizing injury from indirect fire, debris, etc. In my opinion, until we.... Hey what's with all those ladies marching toward the winter palace?" -Tsar Nicholas
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Oh man. You nailed it. Dude could slot in perfectly as the quirky buddy, in like EVERY bromance movie.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Good news for people who like bad news, or vice-versa.
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Reposted by Ed Teach
Jay Willis @jaywillis.net · 02/10/2026
You can sign up here. New content and the newsletter will stay free, though, don’t worry.
ballsandstrikes.org
Register
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I mean, just logistically! Try and baptize a GPU. Zappp!! "Don't weep. Today, another angel was made redundant by Heaven's newest autonomous agent." No way that's gonna fly.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Uncle Jack. Always Sunny.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Informal "talks" referenced in news media, actually just repeated requests from Hegseth to just "finish this whole thing" with a winner-take-all pushup contest.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
"Hahaha! The Fox N' Friends mascot is really sticking it to those beardos, weirdos, and....what? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Bearded ICE agent. Possible wimp, probable weirdo.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
This is so damn pathetic. Still, I do get some consolation at the thought of the nation's ICE goons --who are over-represented in 5/6 of these traits-- being reminded by the regime's Crusades Minister, that they are a department of rejects from the real military branches.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Say what you will about Patton. But he actually understood the importance of things like logistics, supply chains, planning... reading. Cool backdrop, though.
George C. Scott as George Patton, standing before the same giant US flag as Hegseth.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
LOL! This could be an amazing Cohen Brothers Movie.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I think of this every time there's some story about a mob guy hearing from guys further up the chain that they did the Kennedy assassination. Like, Yes! Of course every crime boss wants people to think they took out the President!
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Right. One was left to to imagine the convoluted logic, by which Schmitt planned to connect "Smith was at a Hawks game in ATL" with "So he must have been meeting with Fani Willis," since he couldn't even get that first part right. Now, I assume it was just, you know, 2 people + 1 city=conspiracy
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
"He signed them like he was signing Denny's menus. One by one. Over and over and over again." What the hell is going on at Cruz's local Denny's?
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Posting a vid of myself confidently smirking as I tell the crowd "Check this shit out." Cut out the part immediately after, when I kickflip the skateboard right into my nuts and crumple to the ground in pain. Caption: "Check this shit out."
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
First thing I ask when considering a new school for my kids: "How many hours a day will they stare at a screen and listen to a head set? Higher numbers are better."
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
"You keep asking me about gas prices. That's a distraction from the big story! We've gotten the country's gremlin problem under control. Nobody even talks about it anymore, but 2 years ago you couldn't leave your house without being attacked by a gremlin. That's over now."
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
River boat tour from Belem. Castelo S. Jorge. Get tix online before you go, arrive in the morning and avoid the line. Explore Alfama from there, including Aljube resistence museum. Tasco do Chico, very good for low key Fado experience. A Gina, off Av. Liberdade Bar do fundo, if farther west.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!!!! You can say just about anything about the magic crystals that'll get the marks to buy. But you CAN'T say they'll lower gas prices when we're elbow deep in a Mideast war we can't win."
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Hall of fame art on this Politico piece. It's like the Hemingway six-word story, but for photography. www.politico.com/news/2026/09...
James Donald "Vance" Bowman sneers from the ballot box toward a voter (apparently of color), like a 19th century railroad baron ordering a violent Pinkerton assault against union strikers. Meanwhile, a child (possibly his son) stares up in eager, desperate, and vain hopes of obtaining a morsel of attention, if not affection, from the joyless husk looming over him in an expensive, ill-fitted suit.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
President AOC has FAILED at cleaning up our mess fast enough!! --Vote Hegseth|Vance in 2032
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
People: Isn't it dangerous for us to lose basic cognitive skills like math & writing? Tech CEO: Hell no! Look at me. I'm a billionaire and I can't even do arithmetic. (Slathers yogurt over his cheeks and chin) See! I don't even remember how to eat. But I'm doing great! Now use the apps, piggie!
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Put aside the sleazy-nephew-taking-over-nanna's-finances vibe of telling people they don't need to learn multiplication, 'cause we'll take care of that for you.' Who the hell doesn't know their own zip code?!
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Okay, done. What now?
You have died of dysentery.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Is this... Is this a stealth Welsh separatist tract?
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
My doctor: I'm afraid there's no treatment for the horrific stomach ulcers you're experiencing. You just have to quit taking the horse dewormers and wait for them to heel. Me: So, you're not even going to TRY any incantations?! Oh, I see, you *can't bill* magic words, so they must be fake.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Under a Dem president, the GOP would've spent the last 18 months, hair on fire, yelling how this White House will cause: 1. A war 2. A recession 3. A crime wave 4. Alien abductions 5. Mass unemployment 6. An energy crisis And now yelling "We told you for months..." about the 2 that are happening
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I'm just gonna say it. The Force seems fake.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Seems bad that if "military coup" was a person, it would be the most popular politician in America.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Absolutely, smoke-coming-out-of-my-ears pissed at some dude for laying on his horn while I was getting my kids out of an Uber for school dropoff, and I think this is legit the most American I've felt since moving to Portugal.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Visiting a lance corporal, who just lost a leg in a drone attack on CentCom: "How are your boners soldier?"
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Liberal elites trying to gaslight real Americans into believing measles is bad for you. MAGA heroes promising all the measles you want, no judgment. Hard to see how Dems try to wriggle out of this bind.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
It drives me *absolutely insane* that the widespread belief Biden "opened the border" was driven the growth of tent cities on the Mexican side of the border, full of people hoping to claim asylum in the US. That's the diametric opposite of an "open border" problem!
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
After some careful thought, I've decided to preemptively decline any requests to join the Ed Sheeran Loop tour. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
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Ed Teach @realedteach.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
😂😂😂😂
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