iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 17h

ive been catching myself like thoroughly enjoying a conversation, and then at some point i do something i think is wrong and i suddenly stop putting any emotion into it

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

Suddenly realizing how much of my work playlist has songs about one sided love I should make a new playlist lol

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

It just feels like it keeps getting worse by the day :c

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

it took a lot of myself to do it but i spent the better part of my morning just cleaning my room hit a bit of a wall cause i need to get a shelf to put things up but had a ton of boxes and clothes strewn about and started hating the claustrophobic feeling i was getting...

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

i should do less venting and more personal posting here lol UHM it feels weird getting my art drive back, i have a heavy chunk of time off and i wanna work through my owed queue, but once that's done im probably just gonna do stuff for myself for the foreseeable future. it'd be nice...

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

sorry if all this feels like vague posting its not, the person who this is over will know its them its just i dont know how to talk to them anymore and anything i want to say gets filtered through a severe mental mesh that dulls anything i actually want to express

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

its taking everything in me to not left a rift form between us after that im just feeling all my adoration for someone i can't be with leave at once just makes me feel melancholy towards them and i can't avoid them...

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

it genuinely kinda blows losing like the biggest thing that got me out of bed and got me to be social in my day to day i just dont wanna do anything lol

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

am I wrong for feeling irked when someone say's "oh i mainly c0mm'd you to support you since you were having a rough time" I get what they mean. but. idk. 'helping' my stressed mind by giving me more workload to stress over when you could just donate...? idk maybe im too stressed even to think...

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

"I guess it can't be helped, it's just a matter of when If she just won't notice, then I'll take it on the chin If our roots grow separate, if the roses stay dead I can plant new seeds and pen tomorrow's flowerbed"

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

ahahhh.,., i feel like im slowly ruining my friendship with one of my closest friends and there's nothing i can do about it cause i just feel like im just a stranger in my own body watching things happen out of my control

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

heard in even, the smallest degree haha. Just feels nice to feel vindicated in that its not *me* being an asshole for wanting to get my job done.

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

complimented that they've genuinely had zero complaints about me in the cheese shop, and were honestly a lil disheartened that ive never really talked with them cause i just stay focused on my work. It was Needed? Idk i still stay APPREHENSIVE towards managers of any sort but it felt nice to be 4/5

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

time they get more than 2 in a line. Saying that I need to get my own work done and ive nearly quit because of how much of an object that crew makes me feel like, she took all the info in earnest and even another sub-manager and the store manager showed up and we all chatted about it, got 3/5

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

made some complaints, and wanted to discuss them with me, and it boiled down to me being misled about things she had said *by* the deli and us talking about how the deli is so full of vitriol that ive moved out of that department and dont help them when they're a bit busy with customers every 2/5

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

moods been up cause ive been taking multivitamins again lately, coworkers haven't been abysmal to deal with, and i had a really positive interaction with the store manager and sub-managers today? Was walking back to put something up and one of them came up to me and brought up that i had made 1/5

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

i should genuinely look into actual therapy but getting to draw freak indulgent art is suuuch a mood booster even more when someone is going as insane over it as i am

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

like do i try something abstract? something with features? a painting that reflects the lyrics of a song? idk maybe i just think the inner machinations of my mind are too cringe to do vent art about haha

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

sometimes i think about drawing vent art trying to capture whats in my head on canvas but when im actually staring at my canvas I just can't think of anything

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

there's so much resentment they have towards me because I did my job right and good each and every time in the deli. Im not an overachiever at work, i just do what I'm sposed to do. But now that im not basically doing everything for them no more they just keep starting more drama and its ugh

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

i think the worst thing about my job is that i love my job? i enjoy being a cheese monger, just doing little production food work all day and slicing cheeses, interacting with customers, making samples But im right in front of my old department and they just *hate* me because i hated being there

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

im going to keep putting up a facade, stay cheery, putting others over myself can't help myself. ive been lying to myself and others about how I feel since I was a kid, why stop now lmao

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

i deleted the big long convoluted rot13 but im not decoding anything here im passively suicidal. have been for a while, only change is i have a name for it now. im not going to take attempts at my life i just dont want to be alive, but i dont want to die because that'll make my friends sad. so.

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

im genuinely really flattered friends are re-assuring me that they care it means a lot but its not the issue. i love my friends, and im glad they love me. I just hate *myself* But i dont want to die in a way that inconveniences anyone so I simply move along like a river

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

"Why am I this way? Stupid medicine not doing anything What the hell is fucking wrong with me? I guess there's no remedy, own worst enemy, I'm so terribly lost"

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

my mind is so damn loud tonight I can't fucking stand it can't sleep can't think can't get up can't drown it out

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

spiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingandspiralingand

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

"I've been so good, I've been helpful and friendly I've been so good, why am I feeling empty?"🎶

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

I have literally zero way of expressing this ANYWHERE but genuinely I think replacing someone you aren't dating anymore in something you made with the first person who gets you flustered asking to take their place is the lowest of low. Nothing makes me more disappointed in someone then that.

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 12/08/2026

DISCLAIMER PIN If youre going to follow this account at LEAST Think about if we're close enough for that. At minimum be mutuals with me on one of my accts, if not i can, and will block you. And i wont re-appeal it. Read the first time or not at all.

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 27/03/2026

ahaha the everyone hates me thoughts are back in full swing !! fuck!!! I know they dont!! or at least i think they dont- ugh

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 26/03/2026

I meet someone I introduce them to other friends They start messaging me less I become an afterthought I move on :/

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 13/09/2025

"And when I water the roses I can’t trust you to stay So here I lay Neath the shimmering moon Just a love-struck fool What do I do but wait for you?"

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 28/08/2025

Dont worry about me, if you didn't before dont start now. I'll be fine as always. I'll get over it. Just another domino to stuff away into my bottomless hat of evergrowing *thoughts* that i hate thinking.

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 28/08/2025

(cw: sui*ide mention) digging the pit more. Ive had to remove any and all medication from my room cause there's nights i think about just downing the whole damn bottle but it feels selfish to find some easy way out. Idfk anymore and i honestly can't be assed to figure it out.

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 28/08/2025

Like i feel so damn alienated from my friends, groups that share my interests, and just anywhere else and yet i dont fucking learn !! i dont learn to stop trying !!! i keep trying !!! this i the lowest ive been mentally in my life, and any attempt to do something about it always winds up

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 28/08/2025

Literal negative effect on my psyche, and that's of no consequence to those involved or the one running the meet everyone there is super lovely but damn does it hurt feeling like even more of a nobody. Oh fucking well i guess

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 28/08/2025

swapping to this acct to continue this thought but i'll keep it 100% real with you being one of a few people who are at a meet for the first time and having everyone else new pointed out and given a formal welcome except you makes me wanna fucking stop talking to everyone again.

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 27/08/2025

just another thing to add to the bucket of "things that cement me thinking im so severely alienated from every group im in"

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 27/08/2025

am i glad my friends are finally giving WoW a shot? yeah im ecstatic. tho i will be entirely candid i does really really sting that me talking about it when i was playing it did absolutely fuck all for getting them intrigued oh well. lmao.

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 23/08/2025

Dont get me wrong ive also had times where the first thought i have is "omg i have to get something from x" but its usually cause i really enjoy their style and i wanna support them, but i generally always see others say it in a "i want to comm them because its a popular style" way and it irks me

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Reposted by Pixel but shhh

Pixel!! @itsjustmorgana.bsky.social · 22/08/2025

"I could live to be a hurricane, Turn into a tempest, violent, silent in the eye, All whirling, gusting, wuthering"

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 23/08/2025

my brain always disconnects from art convos when people start saying "omg i finally got a slot from x" Like.. i get that you really wanted smut from them but it feels a lot of people are just getting art to get it and not because it lets them support an artist.. idk maybe im weird

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 18/08/2025

Wow! Who knew that not pushing all my energy into friendships that make my effort entirely one sided, and instead enjoying mutual efforts of building a bond, would make me feel better!!!

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 17/08/2025

*nap early in the day asd;vlansdl;va

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 17/08/2025

i took a nap early in the nap cause i was feeling sad and wound up sleeping for 12 hours lmao

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2025

oh i should do a pin i guess uhhh lmaooo- this is the void where i scream my internal thoughts i can, and will, use the block feature liberally on this acct if you think something i complain about is about you poke me about before you think im vagueposting about you pls thanks

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2025

a sfw and an AD, and its cause i know i would prefer to keep being in their spaces on social media, while not making them forced to occasional see the HORRORS that i conjure up on my timeline

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2025

also side thing i remember back when i actually genuinely cared and worried about my friends finding out about the stuff im into but now that im older ive genuinely stopped caring. I doubt they'd judge me for anything nor would it ever be something I shove in their faces. There's a reason i made

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Pixel but shhh @quieterpixel.bsky.social · 16/08/2025

lmao despite how charismatic people make me out to be i still genuinely feel like when there's spaces i actually wanna fit into I stand out like a fucking sore thumb no matter what i do haha 🫠

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