theonion.com
Pope Francis Scouring Papal Tombs For Final Easter Egg Of Vatican Hunt
VATICAN CITY—Recalling that he hid it somewhere among the dozens of sarcophagi underneath St. Peter’s Basilica, Pope Francis was reportedly scouring the papal tombs Thursday in search of the final egg from the Vatican Easter Egg Hunt. “If I can’t find this egg, the catacombs will totally reek,” said the frustrated bishop of Rome while rifling through the final resting place of holy pontiffs, crawling on his hands and knees on the crypt floor to peek under the reliquary of Saint Peter. “I found all the eggs tucked away in the Pietà, the tabernacle, and confessional, and the one I hid in the hands of the embalmed body of Pope John XXIII, so the last Easter egg has got to be down here somewhere.” At press time, Pope Francis was reportedly filled with disgust after rolling up the sleeves of his cassock, reaching into Leo X’s coffin, and touching the putrefied remains of an egg from 2016.
![[Pictured] Celeste Dionaea, 41 years old. Brewer, Alchemist and Barkeep. She has auburn colored hair with a streak of grey, light brown skin, a scar from her jaw to her cheekbone, and red eyes. Her ears are pointed and covered in jewelry. She has a purple shirt with a front pocket at the waist, and a green skirt. She has a fist on her hip, with a half interested expression.
[Not pictured] Celeste owns a bar in Anodylle that sells both Alcohol and Potions. She's a friend and mediator to Ozzie and Frankie, but otherwise keeps to herself. She's very picky about her clothing choices, makes too much eye contact, and is known to be a bit blunt. As a floramancer and a follower of Florian faith, she keeps small sections of her hair braided to honor the goddess Mitera.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:bg7gypqowjnunvxizmobtcrw/bafkreifolkamtxe525jou5iqrccqi7jwidza4z5u6symlh45zvttud6dfi)
