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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 19/04/2025

For those of you who are wondering where I’ve been, I’m writing an autobiography. I’m calling it My Struggle. Perfect name. I’m surprised nobody has taken it yet. My publisher said something about potential sales in Germany, but what does he know.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 10/04/2025

Executive Order 250409.01: I was set to hold the tariffs FOREVER but I rolled three straight double sixes and now I feel that GOD ALMIGHTY is telling me “buy all the stocks you can while the market is low, and delay the tariffs for 90 days.” Who am I to argue with God and profit?

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 04/04/2025

Executive Order 250403.02: I’m announcing a new tariff on *rolls D20* Mozambique in the amount of *rolls D20* 73% on *roll* long grain rice.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 03/04/2025

Executive Order 250403.01: Are we having fun yet?

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 01/04/2025

Executive Order 250331.01: I am announcing that I am running for an unprecedented FOURTH term as President. Seeing as I won the 2016, 2020, and 2024 elections, I don’t see any reason why I can’t run again. And for those of you who say “THE CONSTITUTION” yeah well that hasn’t stopped me so far.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 29/03/2025

Executive Order 250329.01: A great man once said “Those who forget history, make America great again.” So I’m making history, history. Oh and that great man was me.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 26/03/2025

Executive Order 250325.02: I am instructing the Federal Reserve to sell gold bars and invest in crypto currencies as a hedge. Very smart! I have many hedges on my golf courses. And my golf courses have a lot of gold on them. I like golf. It’s like gold, only with an f. I forgot what I was saying.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 26/03/2025

Executive Order 250325.01: From now on I am BANNING Signal from the White House. Instead, I am instructing SECDEF Hegseth and DNI Gabbard to instead write their messages on the blackboard outside of the Starbucks across the street.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 11/03/2025

Executive Order 250311.01: I am declaring a State of Emergency for NY, MI, & MN in order to help them manage an impending economic and energy disaster that I created for absolutely no good reason. Just because I threw the first punch at Canada doesn't give them the right to punch back!

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 03/03/2025

Executive order 250303.01: TARIFFS BACK ON. AND WE’LL MAKE CANADA AND MEXICO PAY. EXCEPT THE TARIFFS. THOSE, YOU’LL PAY.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 01/03/2025

Executive Order 250228.01: President Zelenskyy is BANNED from the White House. I’ve never been treated so rudely. Imagine someone coming into MY HOUSE and telling me inconvenient truths about things I know nothing about but have already formed opinions on. Such disrespect.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 28/02/2025

Executive Order 250228.01: I am officially making American the new language of the United States. It’s very similar to English but with significantly more grammatical mistakes.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 23/02/2025

Executive Order 250223.01: I just got the weirdest email demanding that I explain what I did last week or risk being terminated. I thought I already explained to Vladimir what I was gonna do this week.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 20/02/2025

Executive Order 250220.01: I have named Kash Patel to lead the FBI, who has been confirmed by the Senate today. He's great! He has cash right there in his name! And as I astutely pointed out to my MAGA people: he's brown but he isn't Muslim! STABLE GENIUS!

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 19/02/2025

Executive Order 250218.02: I have named myself CEO and Chairman of the United States. I have gotten rid of this whole “checks and balances” BS. Now, I just need to build myself a Death Star. I will call it the Trump Star. It’ll be gold plated. And only blow up Democrat planets.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 19/02/2025

Executive Order 250218.01: Putin and I have come to an agreement on Ukraine. We both agree he gets whatever he wants and that the war is Ukraine’s fault. If they had just handed over their lunch money, they wouldn’t have gotten beaten up. Totally their fault.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 17/02/2025

Executive Order 250217.01: Canada has launched a secret assault on the USA by sending their weather upon us. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. In retaliation, I am holding their Stanley Cup hostage until they stop.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 15/02/2025

Executive Order 250215.01: We’re gonna END the War in Ukraine by negotiating directly with Russia. Smart! We’re not including Zelensky in this because of reasons.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 15/02/2025

Executive Order 250214.01: We’re getting rid of the NNSA. Talk about waste! We haven’t dropped a nuke in 80 years. And we’re paying these people to oversee our nukes?! Whats the worst that can happen?

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 14/02/2025

Executive Order 250213.01: I’m officially putting reciprocal tariffs on everything. Unfortunately, most things will get more expensive for average Americans. But if we look at the bright side, I’m rich and I really don’t care.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 12/02/2025

Executive Order 250212.01: I'm officially designating Sleepy Joe Biden responsible for the inflation I'm responsible for causing with my aforementioned Executive Orders. Except for the inflation caused by my steel and aluminum tariffs; those are definitely because of OBAMA.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 12/02/2025

For those asking about our Gaza plans: we’re exercising American authority. It’s like a credit card except I never need to pay for it. Greenland? American authority. Panama? American authority. It’s genius. Like pointing a gun at a driver and saying “Give me your car! American authority!”

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 10/02/2025

Executive border 250209.02: PLASTIC STRAWS ARE BACK! Don’t let the liberal MSM tell you I’m not focusing on the biggest problems facing households in America!

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 09/02/2025

Executive Order 250209.01: We are establishing an office in the White House for Christian prayers. Not because I really believe in god but because I just love seeing a bunch of people on their knees in front of me.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 08/02/2025

Executive Order 250207.01: I am REVOKING Sleepy Joe’s security clearance! He’s a clear risk to accidentally leak private data, and we already have DOGE for that. Efficient!

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 07/02/2025

Executive Order 250206.02: The title “Secretary” is outdated. We’re going to retitle all government department head positions to “Executive Assistant” to make sure all my minions feel modern.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 06/02/2025

Executive Order 250206.01: Anti-Christian bias is OUT OF CONTROL. We're taking definitive steps to fix this. This Easter, we are requiring all government offices to have a poster of the Easter Bunny present. And Santa is gonna be everywhere this Christmas, the way Jesus commanded in the Bible.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 06/02/2025

Executive Order 250205.01: No more men in women’s sports! We already have places for men to beat women - and most of those states voted for me.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 05/02/2025

I know many of you are taking issue with my previous EO, but I’m a real estate mogul, okay? I evict people from their homes ALL THE TIME. I’ve turned crack houses into wonderful casinos my whole life. World class! If I can do it in the greatest country in the world, I can do it in Palestine!

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 05/02/2025

Executive Order 250204.02: We’re gonna rebuild Gaza. I see some wonderful towers. A few casinos. Maybe a Disney. It’s fertile land and I can get it cheap from Israel. #artofthedeal

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 04/02/2025

Executive Order 250204.01: Department of Education is being shut down! This is smart business! If you can’t be #1 or #2 in something, don’t bother!

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 04/02/2025

Executive Order 250203.01: Trump is always right. And when Trump is wrong he’s actually playing 4D chess and you couldn’t possibly understand. Very stable genius.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 02/02/2025

Executive Order 250201.01: Sometimes you gotta pop your friends in the nose to show them who’s the boss. Also, I can’t figure out why I have no friends.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 31/01/2025

Executive Order 250131.02: We have ordered all pronouns removed from email signatures for the American Government. I've also instructed my Secretary of Defense to now be known at Pete Gseth. Senator Sheldon Whitehouse will now be Ldon Whitehouse. Let's just call him Don. Great name.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 31/01/2025

Executive Order 250131.01: We are going to be putting in place tariffs on Canada and Mexico of 25% effective tomorrow. The rise in the price of almost everything is completely unrelated to that, and the result of terrible Biden, DEI, LGBT, ACLU, NAACP, NCAA, MS13, and all the other letters.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 31/01/2025

Executive Order 250130.01: I am officially making it illegal for planes to crash. Modern problems require modern solutions.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 26/01/2025

Executive Order 250125.01: We’re gonna evict Gaza. There’s nothing but rubble there now. Looking at putting in a golf course.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Executive Order 250124.01: We are sending aid to California to help with their fire, with the strict condition they all vote for me in 2028. We're in the business of bribery, not handouts.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Executive Order 250123.06: We are renaming New Mexico. This is America, not Mexico. Instead, we have sold the naming rights, and welcome the great State of Amazon Prime to the Union!

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Executive Order 250123.05: We’ve eliminated DEI from the official government alphabet effective immediately. All hrng wll b on mrt only.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Executive Order 250123.04: I am appointing Richard Dean Anderson as CEO of Stargate.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Executive Order 250123.03: We’re renaming Canada to North America. We’re renaming North America to just America. And South America will just be known as “Brazil and friends.”

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Executive Order 250123.02: Blackjack Aces are now always worth 11. They’re the trans of the card world. NOT IN MY COUNTRY.

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President Trump’s Executive Orders @potus47eos.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Executive order 250123.01: We are BANNING the question mark. Not straight enough for this administration.

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