iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 27/05/2025

Talking of ending sentences, I Presume MEGA is followed by the word CUNT on the back?

Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 14/04/2025

Media telling us Katy Perry had her first trip into space today, but come on, she must've already been living on a different planet when she married Russell Brand, right?

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 12/03/2025

When you flick the heated seats on & grandad thinks he's pissed himself again....

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 14/02/2025

The phrase "galentines" is up there with holibobs and Friyay. Stop it.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 15/01/2025

Great response from a supplier when I chased up an overdue delivery yesterday... "Apologies for the delay, we experienced a problem within our dispatch department. The problem was, they forgot to dispatch your order." 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 06/01/2025

Suppose that's me banned from X then...

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 05/01/2025

Just tried to pay for my pick 'n' mix at Cineworld with a fifty pound note & got told they don't accept them? So I had to give her two twenties & a ten instead.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 03/01/2025

Meghan Markle's new lifestyle show, where she whips up picture-perfect meals in a pristine kitchen, looks great on screen. But any parent of little ones knows in reality, pots are bubbling over, the smoke alarm is going off, & a toddler is probably wiping a bogie on your leg.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 02/01/2025

Why the fuck DRY January? Pie January has a much better ring to it.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 01/01/2025

I enjoyed a lovely New years day walk earlier. I strolled through the living room into the kitchen to retrieve the last tin of Quality St.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

Please remember the correct way to pour your Christmas bucks fizz out this morning. At first, you've got to speed it up & then you've got to slow it down.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 24/12/2024

I hope for your sake fellas, if your lady said she didn't want anything for Christmas, you weren't gullible enough to actually believe that.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 20/12/2024

You know your usual weekend booze consumption is getting a bit out of hand when the cashier asks if you're "stocking up for Christmas?"

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 17/12/2024

Martin Lewis on my tele for an whole hour, giving out tips on how to win at board games this Christmas. I can tell you that in under 2 seconds, mate. Cheat.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 16/12/2024

If I replied to your message at 2am when I was 18, I would've been just heading out to a club somewhere, If I reply to your message now that I'm 50 at 2am, it's because my bladder has woken me up & I can't get back to sleep due to chronic heartburn.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 09/12/2024

Spent the majority of the morning fretting I was going blind because I suddenly had blurred vision & couldn't see clearly. Only took me 2hrs to realise the problem was I had put my daughter's glasses on instead of my own. I hold down a responsible job, in case you're wondering.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 07/12/2024

This blasted wind is a nightmare. It's just blown an entire bottle of wine down my throat. Tsk! #StormDarragh

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 06/12/2024

Offices up & down the UK are now 80% coughs, naff Xmas jumpers & open tubs of celebrations with just the bounties left in them...

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

I wore a kilt today & I'm not even Scottish.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

Guy at work just opened a Twix, ate one finger & then wrapped the remaining finger back up 'for tomorrow'... Fucking psychopath.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 05/12/2024

I had a considered breakfast this morning. I considered eating a healthy bowl of low fat muesli but ended up having a kit-kat.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 04/12/2024

My dear old grandad always used to say, "Keep 'em guessing about your next move." Fantastic man, terrible driving instructor!

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

Imagine Gregg Wallace's disappointment when he heard reports he was going to get pulled off, only to realise they meant off air. #Masterchef

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 01/12/2024

Ah, I did wonder where Prince Andrew's PR's person went to work after the Newsnight interview...

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

Christmas is a great time of year. You can shout 'Don't come in here' and people assume you are wrapping presents when really you're having a wank.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

Fondly remembering the time someone at work sent a rushed email starting 'Dear Anus' to our MD. MD was called Angus.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

I'm not ashamed to admit I have a favourite hob ring. People who deny that they have are lying.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

It's that time of year when you have to open/shut the car door twice. Once when you get in & and a second time to release your coat that's got trapped in the twatting door.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 26/11/2024

People asking me how I feel about spending 400 quid on Glastonbury Tickets only to find out Rod Stewart is one of the headliners... I don't want to talk about it.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 25/11/2024

I'm really liking the 'retro' Twitter feel of Bluesky! It's like stepping into a time machine, but instead of dinosaurs, we just have people collectively agreeing that Elon Musk is a complete cunt!

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 24/11/2024

When I heard Michael Ball had released a statement about his disappointment regarding the song he did with Captain Tom, I didn't realise he was talking about the daughter pulling a fast one on the charity, I honestly thought he was just having a moment of self-reflection on how utterly shite it was!

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 23/11/2024

Can you imagine trying to give up smoking only to come home and find your partner has brought these new curtains...

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

One of the classic symptoms of aging is feeling irrational rage when someone dares to park in front of your house!

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

Used my Tesco Clubcard to scrape the ice off my windscreen this morning. Managed to get 10% off.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 19/11/2024

Who wants to be a Millionaire now eh Jeremy Clarkson?

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 18/11/2024

Band Aid bringing out an updated version of "Do they know it's Christmas?" and my mum shouting out "Well they bloody should do, because the pissing adverts started over a month ago!" had me mildly amused this evening.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

There are two types of people: Those who load the dishwasher correctly and those who don't. And they marry each other.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

Just been told by my mum I'm too old for an Advent Calendar so I told her she's not too young for a nursing home.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

I'm so glad I was taught how to play the recorder at school. It has come in really handy in adult life, Lost count of the times I've resolved a difficult situation with a quick blast of three blind mice.

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Pearly. @pearlylondon.bsky.social · 14/11/2024

Someone brought Krispy Kreme doughnuts into work and told everyone to help themselves. Someone else at work cut 1 of the KK doughnuts in half, because 'they couldn't manage a whole one.' They walk amongst us.

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