Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 04/09/2026I venmo’d someone and they didn’t “like” my payment?? 2460
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 20/08/2026They said if gay marriage were legalized then marrying dogs would be next. Well I’m getting impatient over here 41268
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 06/08/2026Rarely feel more futuristic than when I tell my car to “set directions for Zebulon” 1400
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 20/06/2026The original title I pitched for Smartypants was Quackademia and my proposed tagline was “Be there or b=mc² ” 41837
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 16/06/2026A lot of the time when someone says “you can’t make this up,” you literally could. Somebody made up the entire Star Wars extended universe. 316317
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 03/05/2026Getting all my potential therapists on a joint Zoom so I can eliminate them one by one Bachelor style 312713
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 14/04/2026If I say “I’m craving a beer” you’d probably go “This guy’s a lazy drunk.” But if you let me finish, I was actually going to say “I’m craving a biryani,” which in fact means I’m very cultured. And that’s why you should never interrupt people. 21054
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 22/01/2026He was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more heteronormative 21366
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 05/01/2026But I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean in the end Well baby, I went down on her 3583
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 04/01/2026(Me watching a horror movie) I hope that never happens to me 112714
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 02/01/2026Fergisgusting definition make them boys run screaming 0333
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 01/01/2026Sitcoms are crazy because how is one group of people getting into that many situations 2692
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 28/12/2025But doctor… Pagliacci tickets are almost $500 on resale 110524
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 16/12/2025Sometimes I’m like I’m so funny and other times I’m like I’m literally not funny at all 6675
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 13/12/2025Imagine being launched into the sun. You'd literally die of a Vitamin D overdose 6958
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 28/11/2025Do Italian people make turkey parmesan for Thanksgiving 4662
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 16/11/2025The darkroom at this wedding ran out of poppers and it’s not even 9:30 4670
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 02/11/2025Hate having to devein shrimp. Would it kill them to douche 1876
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 28/09/2025Does biweekly mean twice a week or once a year on bisexual awareness week 61239
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 26/09/2025Indoor skydiving costs $90 for 2 minutes?? I once paid $4 to go in a tanning bed for 8 minutes. LIKE this if you think it should always cost the same to go inside a machine!!! 51458
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 26/09/2025Since autumn has a cutesy nickname the other seasons should, too: wither, sprout, scorch 2967
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 26/09/2025Teachers serving pie on 3/14 was fun and all but if mathematicians discover a new number they should name it chikenstripsandfries 413811
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 19/08/2025You can’t flush toilet paper in Greece but they never said you couldn’t stuff it down the sink 2580
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 15/08/2025Does “special sauce” denote a particular family of sauces (like barbecue sauce) or is every restaurant’s special sauce uniquely special 7540
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 11/08/2025Blood on the Clocktower is funny because I’ve never been so blasted that I thought I was a washerwoman 3913
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 12/07/2025I asked my server “what do you recommend between the jerk chicken and the rasta pasta” and she said “well are you in the mood for chicken or for pasta” 61663
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 06/07/2025If you get chemicals in your eyes you’re supposed to flush them with clean water for 15 minutes? Girl the drought 51063
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 15/06/2025Does anyone actually unironically use the word “santorum” 7390
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 24/05/2025If I were a singer my first album would be called Greatest Hits 111543
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 29/04/2025In lieu of flowers the family requests tasteful nudes with good lighting 215813
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 30/03/2025I wrote the “We all have a story to tell” intro so it was fun to say it on the show and troll Vic in different small ways because I’ve known them for a very long time. When they set up my rap I was similarly throwing to whacky stuff of Vic on the monitor but those became too complicated to shoot 862319
Reposted by Paul Robalinomona? i hardly know 'ah! @desire-mona.bsky.social · 28/03/2025been looking forward to this episode for almost a month and it was worth it. i wish linkin park was real 11207
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 15/03/2025Why are drag queens the only ones who can adopt and raise career “daughters.” I want an improv son 122618
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 15/02/2025Nice to meet you too. I’m a comedy writer. No not standup. More like TV. Well it’s all online. Digital content yeah. I’m not sure if you’d know it. You may have seen clips on TikTok or… well it’s like game shows and stuff. Right. Yeah not like scripts or movies. It used to be called CollegeHumor. 71971
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 10/02/2025Some cities botched “Everybody on Mute” so with CC Tour coming I need everyone on their a-game for the “Throw Your Keys Up” Challenge 0200
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 28/01/2025If infinite realities exist that means there’s a timeline where I make $400k salary eating Theo James’s ass full timemedia.tenor.coma woman is screaming with her hands in the air in a crowd .ALT: a woman is screaming with her hands in the air in a crowd . 11092
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 23/01/2025I feel like you gotta pick just one. Are you my rich BFF or are you my favorite Wall Street girly 3350
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 22/01/2025I’d be so pissed if my plane crashed after I already paid the $8 for wifi 21435
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 03/01/2025You think you’re feminine? You’re not even femieight. 31116
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 01/01/2025My credit card number is honestly sooo funny. If I tell you guys what it is can you promise not to be weird about it 4850
Paul Robalino @paulrobalino.bsky.social · 31/12/2024High on the plane and I keep jerking awake so I don’t miss my stop 3902
