iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

My football team has signed a haunted herring. Brilliant ghoul kipper.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

I've got a new job doing the staff rota for the monkey enclosure at the zoo, but I've never done anything like it before and now I'm really struggling with chimp roster syndrome.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

Thinking of putting on a street festival literally anywhere outside of East Yorkshire and calling it the Not In Hull Carnival.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

I've got a new job doing the staff rota for the monkey enclosure at the zoo, but I've never done anything like it before and now I'm really struggling with chimp roster syndrome.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

Thinking of putting on a street festival literally anywhere outside of East Yorkshire and calling it the Not In Hull Carnival.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Can someone edit this Wikipedia entry and replace 'silicon wafers' with 'Sylvester Stallone'? Just so I can pull it up in a restaurant and say 'Waiter, there's a Sly in my FOUP'. Please and thank you x

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

My tailor said his sewing machine is broken. Seams unlikely.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 29/07/2026

I've had a complaint that I left my collection of rulers floating on the lake with no indication of where I can be found. So I’m bringing in a whole raft of measures to address it. #LunchPun

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 22/07/2026

The stars of Guardians of the Galaxy all had to do their own action scenes apart from Groot, who had a stump double.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 18/07/2026

- There's too many people coming to my party, and I don't know who to disinvite. Either that guy who stole all my World Cup stickers, or the one who played the lead fish in your Disney stage adaptation. - Panini meanie? My Nemo? - I'd rather put a *bit* more thought into it.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

I should never have bought that paddock for our hearing impaired pony. My wife says it's grounds for deaf horse.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

I should never have bought that paddock for our hearing impaired pony. My wife says it's grounds for deaf horse.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

Summer days drifting away To, oh, oh, the summer nights...

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

My will states that all my money should go towards the establishment of a country populated only by muntjacs and stripy burrowing mammals. But I've just spent most of it on a vintage negligee, which leaves very little to deer badger nation.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 12/07/2026

First day of my levitation course today, and I went straight to the top of the class!

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 10/07/2026

- My wife and I can't agree what time I should go to the pool to practise my reverse pike. Our opinions are completely contradictory. - Divergent? - Yes, I've got a competition next week.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 09/07/2026

Actor: How would you rate my ability to take direction? Director: Below average. Actor: *bellows* AVERAGE!!!

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 09/07/2026

I suspect that my next door neighbour is a lycanthrope. He drives an old, battered milk float, which may seem quite endearing but he's just a wolf in cheap slow thing.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 09/07/2026

- Sean Connery once encouraged me to steal a cigarette receptacle made out of a very heavy metal. - Lead ashtray? - No, I didn't do it.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 09/07/2026

- Sean Connery once encouraged me to steal a cigarette receptacle made out of a very heavy metal. - Lead ashtray? - No, I didn't do it.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 29/06/2026

My wife says she can generate enough power to pirhouette at a squillion revolutions per minute. That's just crazy torque.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 24/06/2026

- I'm getting pretty sick and tired of you mishearing rude phrases with a nautical twist. - Couldn't give a shipmate.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

If a lorry driver ever cuts me up, I get my revenge by commanding my large dog to ignore them. It doesn't sound that bad, but it's actually a weapon of mastiff truck shun.

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Glennyrodge @glennyrodge.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

Really poor turnout at Named After An Ice Cream Club last night. Just Juan Cornetto.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 18/06/2026

If a lorry driver ever cuts me up, I get my revenge by commanding my large dog to ignore them. It doesn't sound that bad, but it's actually a weapon of mastiff truck shun.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 11/06/2026

My family were very poor growing up, and I had some terrible birthday presents. One year I got a cuddly ape, stolen from a French car. But sometimes you just have to take voiture gibbon.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 10/06/2026

People think I'm stupid for keeping tubes of superglue and bonjela together in the same drawer in a dark room, but I'm sticking to my gums...

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 07/06/2026

Whilst this is, by some stretch, the darkest show I've been involved with, it's also been an unbridled joy from start to finish, and I've had the best time working alongside this brilliant cast and crew. Thank you so much to everyone involved in this incredible production, and the amazing audiences!

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 29/05/2026

FOR SALE Tartan Chameleon £100 (Includes background checks)

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 27/05/2026

I took my whole family to the sleep clinic because I can't drop off before my wife, she can't before my son, and he can't before my daughter. It turns out we've all gotta sleep in dis order.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 27/05/2026

SMTC’s Jekyll & Hyde is nearly here, and it’s honestly shaping up to be INCREDIBLE. If you're in or around #Suffolk, why not give us a look?💡 Tickets: 🎟️ regalstowmarket.co.uk/RegalStowmar... And here's article about the show in the Bury Free Press: www.suffolknews.co.uk/whats-on/cla...

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 21/05/2026

My wife has thrown me out but I'm still allowed to speak to the kids. I'm living in a phone box, which isn't much, but it's somewhere to call home.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 21/05/2026

My wife has thrown me out but I'm still allowed to speak to the kids. I'm living in a phone box, which isn't much, but it's somewhere to call home.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 15/05/2026

Jekyll & Hyde Brought to you by SMTC @ The Regal, Stowmarket 3rd–6th June! 🗓️ regalstowmarket.co.uk/RegalStowmar...

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 14/05/2026

A number see no remedy in pedicure, upset by your altruism, partially (8)

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 12/05/2026

When I'm mixing a particular drink, I look up every recipe I can find, and take an average of the recommended measures. I make a mean cocktail.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 12/05/2026

When I'm mixing a particular drink, I look up every recipe I can find, and take an average of the recommended measures. I make a mean cocktail.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 30/04/2026

Quick! Someone go and identify him while he's still there!

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 30/04/2026

I've come up with a mnemonic- based system for remembering chemical symbols. It's not applicable for sodium, obviously.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 26/04/2026

I can confidently say that this show is going to be immense. So much incredible talent. I'm in it too, but don't let that put you off! 🤣 Book your tickets now before they're gone!!! regalstowmarket.co.uk/RegalStowmar...

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 16/04/2026

Since Jon Bon Jovi qualified as a veterinarian, he's been entirely focused on engineering new creatures by cross‑breeding snails, slugs and eels, carefully charting their overlaps on a whiteboard. He's a Slippery Venn Vet.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 16/04/2026

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 14/04/2026

[George Harrison trying out for The Beatles] - *finishes playing guitar* ...Do you want me to do anything else? - Sing something! - I've not written it yet!

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 14/04/2026

[George Harrison trying out for The Beatles] - *finishes playing guitar* ...Do you want me to do anything else? - Sing something! - I've not written it yet!

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 13/04/2026

The price of my book has been inflated on Amazon for a while, and it looks like they had added VAT for some reason... But this is now resolved, so the price is back to where it should be! There's never been a better (well, less bad) time to buy! 😊 www.amazon.co.uk/Pun-Day-Your...

amazon.co.uk

Pun Day in Your Life: A Journal to the Centre of the Mirth

Buy Pun Day in Your Life: A Journal to the Centre of the Mirth by Eggleston, Paul (ISBN: 9798766149354) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 13/04/2026

- When I was a doctor, one of my patients was a famous swimmer. He was very trendy, but a complete nitwit. I can't tell you who he is though. - Hip, aquatic oaf? - Yeah and Data Protection too.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 13/04/2026

amazon.co.uk

Pun Day in Your Life: A Journal to the Centre of the Mirth

Buy Pun Day in Your Life: A Journal to the Centre of the Mirth by Eggleston, Paul (ISBN: 9798766149354) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 13/04/2026

- When I was a doctor, one of my patients was a famous swimmer. He was very trendy, but a complete nitwit. I can't tell you who he is though. - Hip, aquatic oaf? - Yeah and Data Protection too.

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Baffled Onlooker @baffledonlooker.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

My ex liked a unisex shoe and that was the first place I tried it on with her.

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Paul Eggleston @pauleggleston.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

- I was trying to watch that Madonna film earlier, but kept getting distracted by my wife screeching the name of a budget footwear retailer in various slightly different tones. - Disparately shrieking 'Shoezone!'? - No, Evita.

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