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Patrick Bryant

@patrickbryant.bsky.social
1.1K followers 130 following 1.3K posts

Appellate federal public defender. Alexandria, Va. Speaking only for myself; usual disclaimers apply.

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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 4h
Saw a (possibly ai) document on a court website referring to the "Southern District of Virginia" and the "Western District of North Virginia." I understand that judges on both of those courts are accepting clerkship applications, with preference to graduates of East Virginia State School of Law.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 7h
Man, I would love to ban the phrase "breaks silence" from headlines.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Still the best Liberty Mutual ad: www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI3R...
youtube.com
LiMu Emu & Doug - SNL
YouTube video by Saturday Night Live
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Reposted by Patrick Bryant
Eve Brensike Primus @primuseve.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Attn: @umichlaw.bsky.social and @mdefenders.bsky.social is hiring a Clinical Assistant Professor of Law/Associate Director for the new MDefenders Center for Public Defense. Job posting here: careers.umich.edu/job_detail/2.... Come work w/me to train the next generation of public defenders!
careers.umich.edu
Clinical Assistant Professor of Law and Associate Director MDefenders Center for Public Defense | U-M Careers
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I couldn't solve a Rubik's Cube in 4.27 seconds if you handed it to me looking like this.
A Rubik's Cube almost entirely solved, requiring only one turn to have all the colors lined up
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
This is probably what it was like to face a Second Circuit panel with both Learned and Augustus Hand on it. (I know they were cousins, not brothers, but let me have this one.)
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Crazy airport story time! Too long to post all the details, but in 1994, I had to spend a night in the San Diego airport. They blared intercom announcements all night, surely to deter unhoused people from sleeping there. Worked on me, too! Same night was the only time I've ever dialed 911.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Squirrels attacking humans in a town called Castle Rock is definitely a Stephen King story.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
"Disabled Elderly Pregnant Children" sounds like part of a hypo about the Rule Against Perpetuities.
Sign with text:
Attention
Toilet only for
Disabled
Elderly
Pregnant
Children
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
He was just a humble meterologist. But one day while reporting on a storm, he was scratched by a mountain lion. Now, whenever severe weather is on the way, he transforms into... JOE PUMA!! www.wsoctv.com/author/joe-p...
wsoctv.com
Joe Puma, wsoctv.com - WSOC TV
Joe is a meteorologist with Severe Weather Center 9
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Reposted by Patrick Bryant
Eric Stephen @ericstephen.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
I hope there's a sign for folks dropping off people at the airport that says "D.PARTON"
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Everyone's an editor
A gray tabby cast sprawled across my arm and computers and not looking especially pleased with what I've written
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Is it just me or does it seem like every browser needs to be updated like every other day now?
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I've probably watched this sketch a hundred times. Every single line cracks me up. www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksu7...
youtube.com
Parole Board - Saturday Night Live
YouTube video by Saturday Night Live
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Wild! Never seen this before
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
I agree completely, especially since I very much doubt that federal courts would approve CJA payments for the time necessary for court-appointed attorneys to conduct that level of review (same with attorneys' fee awards in civil cases).
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
The Marvelous Mrs. Maize-Arm
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
It's not perfect, but my rule of thumb for guessing at the quality of a bbq joint is that the more human the pig on the sign is acting, the better the food. Highest scores to places where the pig is eating the bbq. Again, not a guarantee, but it tends to follow, in my experience.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Interesting divided 4th Cir. decision today in a vaccine refusal/religious discrimination case, turning on the distinction between "religious" and "personal" beliefs. Given the panel composition, I could see potential en banc interest. www.ca4.uscourts.gov/opinions/251...
ca4.uscourts.gov
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Collating a bunch of copies and, unbidden, the thought crossed my mind that it was nice that I was handling all this stuff without getting a paper cut. Do I even have to say what happened about ten seconds later?
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
New meme potential!
Jack Nicholson at the end of "The Shining," frozen in snow and ice, with the soccer "cooling break" tag overlaid.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I really enjoyed seeing "Coyote v. Acme" today. I hope it usurps "My Cousin Vinny" as the go-to movie for CLE programs.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
@defector.com I'm crossing my fingers that before Reds Week is over, we get an oral history of this classic: www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHqg...
youtube.com
Big Red - Saturday Night Live
YouTube video by Saturday Night Live
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
If any law students are looking for a speciality that will likely be booming for the foreseeable future, consider Water Law. wapo.st/4c4kJh5
wapo.st
Nevada sues over federally mandated reduction in Colorado River water use
In the first legal challenge to a long-awaited federal plan to stabilize the dwindling Colorado River, Nevada alleges that federal officials violated the law and failed to consider the economic effect...
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Spotting this was definitely the most Leo-pointing-meme moment I've ever had.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
@davidjroth.bsky.social @celebrityhottub.bsky.social I feel like you guys would want to know that William Petersen wears the same #52 Steelers jersey in both 1985's "To Live and Die and L.A." and 1987's "Amazing Grace and Chuck." You know, if you're looking for your next podcast project.
William Petersen in "To Live and Die in L.A." He's chasing a suspect along a bridge with a chain-link fence safety enclosure. He's an angry-looking white guy wearing jeans, a green jacket, and a white #52 Steelers jersey.William Petersen in "Amazing Grace and Chuck." He's sitting on a living-room floor, leaning against a coffee table, drinking a beer, wearing a #52 Steelers jersey. Various family and friends are in the background.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
This news is going to ruin my Google alert for "strip bar"
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Beardless Beard Found in Bearded Band
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Imagine how many people have watched one frame of the Rickroll video before closing it.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
The best (and worst) thing about defending a cheese theft case is that it would be impossible to resist using that worn-out Scalia line about "hiding elephants in mouseholes."
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Such blatant disrespect of defending ACC Champion Duke
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Reposted by Patrick Bryant
Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
🎶It's the story...of a man named Renfroe, Who was very good at making buildings burn! He had five fires, all for insurance-- What a way to earn! 🎶
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
🎶It's the story...of a man named Renfroe, Who was very good at making buildings burn! He had five fires, all for insurance-- What a way to earn! 🎶
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
Not a fan of this reboot of "M*A*S*H"
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
If "Cheers" took place today, Cliff Clavin would never shut up about Q-Anon.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
This process will take well over a year and will have at least eight public meetings, and when it finally passes we'll still hear complaints that it was "rammed through" with "no notice" and "without considering community viewpoints!"
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 31/07/2026
Saw a name that reminded me of one of the biggest assholes I went to college with, which got me curious what he was up to. Googled him, and naturally, he's the president of a private equity firm and probably a billionaire.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Looks like a job for @artbutmakeitsports.bsky.social (source: screenshot of a clip from Yes Network broadcast)
Image of Yankees first baseman leaping in the air and reaching to tag the helmet of a White Sox baserunner just before the runner reaches thebase
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
My friends in the Federal Public Defender's Office in South Carolina are hiring an appellate attorney! Flexible location, from Lowcountry Charleston to Upstate Greenville to (in my experience) irrationally broiling Columbia. Work in the shadow of the Gaffney Peachoid! www.fd.org/sites/defaul...
Vacancy announcement for appellate attorney in the South Carolina Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/scfpd-position-announcement-appellate-attorney-26-05.pdf (page 1)Vacancy announcement for appellate attorney in the South Carolina Federal Public Defender's Office, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/scfpd-position-announcement-appellate-attorney-26-05.pdf (page 2)The Gaffney Peachoid, a giant water tower built to resemble a peach https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peachoid
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
I almost invariably burn the roof of my mouth when I eat pizza, but tonight I one-upped myself by burning the inside of my lip. I might even be getting a blister. Any tips for treating that?
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
I hope they occasionally switch the rapids off and turn that course into a really awesome lazy river.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Basically the only important thing about Virginia local govt law is Dillon's Rule. On the bar exam, we got a local govt question, and I forgot to mention Dillon's Rule. It's like forgetting consideration in a contracts question. I still passed. Bar exam takers: Don't panic!
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
In the days before electronically amplified sound, it probably helped to have an apostle with a really deep bass voice who was able to tell Lazarus to giddy-up.
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Here's a cool opportunity: The Federal Public Defender's Office that covers both Dakotas is hiring an appellate attorney! And you can choose from one of several locations! www.fd.org/sites/defaul...
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Federal Public Defender's Office for the Districts of North and South Dakota, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/appellate-assistant-federal-public-defender-26-11_1.pdf (page 1)Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Federal Public Defender's Office for the Districts of North and South Dakota, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/appellate-assistant-federal-public-defender-26-11_1.pdf (page 2)
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
John Phillips Sousa
Ridiculous of John Phillips of The Mamas and the Papas, looking like a greasy hippie, with a be-plumed marching band hat sloppily pasted over his goofy fur hat
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
Here's some more appropriate musical accompaniment. www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKEJ...
youtube.com
2025 Tail Slaps
YouTube video by Pacific Life
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Tolstoy (allegedly) said that all great literature is really only one of two stories: "a man goes on a journey" or "a stranger comes to town." So I'll go with "a man goes on a journey."
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
I was having a big swig of wooder straight from the Schuylkill that I almost spilled all over my Wawa hoagie like a jabroni when I saw this jawn: The Federal Defenders in Philadelphia are hiring an appellate attorney! Great city, great office, great job-go now & go birds! www.fd.org/sites/defaul...
Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Federal Defenders Office for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/assistant-federal-defender-appeals-unit-7.16.26.pdf (page 1)Hiring announcement for appellate attorney in the Federal Defenders Office for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania, available at https://www.fd.org/sites/default/files/public/Employment/Vacancy-Files/assistant-federal-defender-appeals-unit-7.16.26.pdf (page 2)
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
Rookie firefigher in the movie "Backdraft" taking a pausa de hidratación from a firehose
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Patrick Bryant @patrickbryant.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
Splish, splash, I was havin' a bath Flip, flop, better get out the mop Slip, fall, make a 911 call
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