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Chris

@papalwizard.bsky.social
62 followers 68 following 156 posts

You either know me or it's not worth being here reading this.

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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 4m
Mr Beast voice: I trapped 8 billion people on this rock full of deadly animals and crazy climates and the last one to leave wins! <Some time later> They’ve decided the way to win is to make it unliveable for anyone else and I have a gift that might just help them thanks to our sponsor Ford F-150!!
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 14m
Your farts going back to their normal smell after being ill really is the same relief as being able to breathe normally after having a blocked nose. You don’t appreciate it until it’s been taken from you.
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I’m that guy btw that’ll keep the zombie bite secret, as soon as I’m bitten I’m on the zombie team now, it’s just good sportsmanship
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
If there ever was a zombie apocalypse I feel like we’re all worse off for thinking about it so much. No way you can hang out in a supermarket with unlimited food, every fucker will be there like “it’s just a scratch don’t even worry about it”
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
The episode of Bodger and Badger where Bodger has to curb the spread of bovine Tuberculosis is a rough watch
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
A performance art piece where I only eat corn for a month then paint a corn cob. I call it self portrait
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Person that’s polite to AI in case it ever takes over: And I’ve never played whack a mole either
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I get all the golden ticket winners were spoiled but I don’t think the correct procedure following a health and safety incident is to sing a diss track about a child
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
And don’t get me started on Subinos
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Subway suggests the existence of Domways, on your knees you little bitch, here’s what you’re having in your sandwich
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
“Tree?! I am no tree!! I am an Ent, how fuck dare you call me a tree!” - Dude whose name is 44% tree
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Tom Cochrane, and later Rascal Flats, taught us that life is a highway. I just wish it was a British one not an American one, then there wouldn’t be so many people driving on the far right lane
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Going to see a daytime showing of the Mario play. Catching a Martinet
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Remember when every beauty product had microbeads in them? When we’re racist against robots and don’t accept those wirehead’s customs, I hope our grandkids will say “ahh well they did put plastic in every available orifice, cut them some slack”
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
A genie that’s too committed to the bit: And for your final wish, for the genie to be free! *POOF* There! Now I can never again charge for my services… wait… fuck shit hold on… damn.
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Mr Krabs going to a prostitute and crying throughout (he’s spending all he money)
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
They say using AI doesn’t make you a good artists, a tortured soul does. Well I had Claude sleep with my wife. Your move, Monet
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
The best thing humanity can do for our planet? Probably keep making Ninja Turtles shows, those guys rule
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Thanos getting rid of half of all life in the universe but all of his military so he doesn't have to sort out the pension scheme
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Good person makes good art: I pay attention Bad person makes good art: I ignore Good person makes bad art: I ignore Bad person makes bad art: I hate watch, I comment mean things, I say “everybody get a load of this pontoon ass”, I spin around on my chair laughing maniacally as if I’ve won
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Forrest Goonp be like: I just kept cumming
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Cancelling that one friend that says free Palestine because it means they listen to Macklemore’s music
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I’m sorry Macklemore, I wasn’t familiar with your game
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
A guy that can talk to animals but is too socially awkward to get past making small talk
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Grollice and Vomit be like “these crackers are perfectly fine by themselves, it doesn’t need any accoutrements does it, lad?” Then they don’t go to space.
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Fuck just seen an After Kirk meme, I'm late and old and unoriginal and smell funny probably also I eat beans straight from the can and walk like an alien pretending to be a Frenchman would
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Rather than changing to BCE and CE, I think we should start the calendar counting from last year, Pre-Kirk and After-Kirk. Making 2072 AK-47
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
0 days since Charlie Brown'ing an AI image
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Got a pack of randoms with only one foam and two bursting bug-likes, I must be the reincarnation of Thatcher or something to be this much in the karmic hole
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
This week's Game Changer might be an instant top 5 all time, the Noise Boys just get better every time
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Cancelling the one friend that says "cold ass honkey" when singing Thrift Shop because it mean's they like Macklemore's music
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Apparently they upgraded the hedonic treadmill ride at the theme park. Just kinda felt the same as before if I’m honest
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
nice
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
I fear I’m not cut out for this platform, the amount of AI slop Charlie Brown shit spouting the most idealistic unthought out ideas has me typing “Charlie Brown setting a bomb under your house” in the replies and deleting it. But I don’t know that I have the strength to not post it eventually
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
An island covered in guano
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
I get why every old sea captain’s first love is the sea, she’s so pretty
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
The twilight fart
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Reposted by Chris
Ty ✨ @thepieella.bsky.social · 21/05/2026
hi all! just wanted to share that over the next few weeks i will be walking 186km to raise money for @medicalaidpal.bsky.social ❤️ there’s more info on my fundraiser page if you wanna check it out, every little helps and shares/reposts are super appreciated!
medicalaidforpalestinians.enthuse.com
Stride for Palestinians 2026
Hi everyone! If you don’t already know me, my name is Ty and I am taking part in the Stride For Palestinians 2026 fundraiser. From the 15th May to 26th June, I will be walking 186km (the same distance
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
In like 2019 half the tshirts I owned said: MY ASS IS NOT FLAT MY PENIS WORKS WE’VE BEEN TO CHESTER ZOO MY GIRLFRIEND IS REAL MY GAMBLING DEBT IS EXPANDING A PACK OF RIZZLERS IS THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE SEX AREN’T A THING DR PEPPER IS A FACT WE ARE ALL MADE OF SKIN CARD TRICKS ARE LIKE MAGIC BUT REAL
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
If I ever won the lottery you know I'd be getting a set of church bells, must feels so good ringing them with the boys
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
Men At Work if they only sang the first two words of each line of the chorus of Down Under: I come, Where beer? Can’t you? You better!
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
The people worried about the skin colour of actors in Odyssey were awful quiet when everyone was yellow in The Simpsons parody of it
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
I just wanna kiss my fish
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
I was born in the wrong generation 😭 I would have made a great sickly Victorian child
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Reposted by Chris
Jonathan Slater @jonathanslater.bsky.social · 20/03/2026
Henry is doing this hydrotherapy, but he won’t let his buddy go alone
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 19/03/2026
A 2002 Fiat Multipla, a 2002 Fiat Multipla, my kingdom for a 2002 Fiat Multipla
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 19/03/2026
It would almost be funny if it wasn't so tragic that Iran was in for a succession crisis when the 86 year old Ayatollah died that had every chance of ending the regime. Only for the US to kill him, make him a martyr, and letting his son take power almost unopposed
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
I noticed the same thing last Trump presidency but it really seems like there's unlimited news, unlimited, but no news.
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
Crazy watching Louis Theroux's Manosphere documentary seeing so many of those guys do it because they think the system is broken. But rather than working to improve or replace the system to make it better for everyone, the view instead is that they should game it, and other people, for personal gain
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Chris @papalwizard.bsky.social · 09/03/2026
We've seen loads of examples of different animals using tools at this point but I'm only interested when giraffes learn DDR. In fact going to see the giraffes hittin that shit at the arcade might be the thing that gets me shopping in person again
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