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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️

@optesterchris.bsky.social
1.2K followers 587 following 2.5K posts

Navy (ret) Surface Warfare Officer & missile defender with a side of fries. I taught Zach Mayo everything he knows. A perfectly flawed human. Opinions = my own.

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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Listen… If you can’t teach your sons about consent and if they can’t understand the concept of consent or even what is right and what is wrong, then I consider you a really bad parent and person. Always. Choose. The. Bear.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
My hope and dream…
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
I wanted to take a nap. Zola wanted to go for a walk. So we compromised. We went for a walk…
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
September means it’s soup & chili season. Those are the rules!
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
How it started and how it ended
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Well it’s day 8,286 of going to work…
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Doing some learning
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
If you can’t make your own serotonin, you can either bake some serotonin or buy some store bought serotonin.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Too soon or just right?
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Took a stupid nature walk for my stupid mental health…
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
The Pumpkin Spice Industrial Complex is mighty strong! “Then you will squeeze, like the grips of a vice, so that our coffers become fat with the profit of spice.” - Baron Vladimir Harkonnen
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
The highs and lows of a Zola dog
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Current status as of 12:34pm on a Friday afternoon
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Zola says I provided sufficient shareholder value today.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
No words. Only actions. Donate in her memory: imaginationlibrary.com
imaginationlibrary.com
Dolly Parton's Imagination Library | USA, UK, IE, CA, AU
Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library is a book gifting program that mails free books to children from birth until they begin school in participating areas.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Sometimes when you wake up incredibly early to walk your dog, you get to see something incredible. My inner rocket scientist nerd is happy.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Mentally, I am here…
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Autumn, it beckons to me like a siren’s song. Can you hear it?
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Another beautiful day stolen by the shackles of employment.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Ah, Tuesday… Or as I like to call it day 2 of the hostage situation.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
Crack
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Happy birthday Gary Larson - the greatest meme-maker of all time!
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
The horrors (work) persists…So we must sally forth.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
My toxic trait is telling her she is the goodest of girls when, in fact, she’s been nothing but a menace to me and society.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
Thrilled to announce that I can’t afford to retire so I’ll be logging in to work in a few short hours this Monday morning.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
Hoping to find love while wandering the aisles of Trader Joe’s. Maybe she and I will reach simultaneously for the last box of frozen Butter Chicken…
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
Everything will be ok… *** Results may vary ***
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Today’s commute thoughts
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
20 days until Starbucks fall menu is released and unleashes Pumpkin Spice Latte and its sugary brand of madness upon us all. Please heed this warning and take all necessary precautions and implement all required safety measures. “The spice must flow.” ~ Harkonnen proverb
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Go ahead… Wear the tan suit to that big, big meeting with lots of bigwigs. Get yourself a coffee. Maybe a snack, too.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Tweedledee and Tweedledum… and Tweedledum has another ear infection.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
Animals seen on my afternoon walk: - Eastern Tiger Swallowtail (Papilio glaucus) - White-tailed Deer (Odocoileus virginianus) - Eastern Box Turtle (Terrapene carolina carolina) - Virginian Black-coated Treatasaurus (Hottest messus)
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
Them: Any thoughts on what you and Zola are going to do today? Me: No thanks. Them: You aren’t going to do anything? Me: No, thoughts. Zola and I are cutting back on thoughts.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
Today’s To Do List: ✔️ Wake up ✔️ Drink coffee Poop Be awesome
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Don’t let her looks and smile fool you… She will never let you sleep in. Ever.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Touching grass
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
I can hear the song of a roving ice cream truck... It beckons to me like a siren's call. I must resist.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Honestly, I have a lot of in common with the cyclops from the Odyssey. We both live alone. We both love fluffy animals, cheese, sleeping, and Greek food.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
🚨 Breaking News 🚨 It’s been confirmed that dogs are still good
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
We keep you alive to serve this… Choose one of the following: • Ship • Company Name • Government Agency • Military Unit • Pack of wild children • Other Row well, and live. ~ Judah Ben-Hur
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
I’m pleased to report I have no idea what I am doing but I’m doing it really well!
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
🚨 Spoiler Alert 🚨
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Made the mistake of looking at my work phone and checking my calendar for Monday:
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
“Gather around, children. I’m going to tell you about the summer of 2026. There was diarrhea lettuce, heat domes, a war that isn’t a war, a ceasefire that didn’t cease fire, and Canadian wildfires. But we also had Jimothy to give us hope”
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Zola has opinions about the current air quality…
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
The Bangles need to re-record “Hazy Shade of Winter” to reflect today
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
If you are my friends, I will take you to get pizza and dessert.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
The dog days of summer discontent Sun out, tongues out.
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Friends?
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Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
I work hard so my dog can live her best life
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