Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Listen… If you can’t teach your sons about consent and if they can’t understand the concept of consent or even what is right and what is wrong, then I consider you a really bad parent and person. Always. Choose. The. Bear. 2161
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 13/09/2026I wanted to take a nap. Zola wanted to go for a walk. So we compromised. We went for a walk… 2220
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 12/09/2026September means it’s soup & chili season. Those are the rules! 2150
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 11/09/2026How it started and how it ended 0141
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Well it’s day 8,286 of going to work… 0160
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 02/09/2026If you can’t make your own serotonin, you can either bake some serotonin or buy some store bought serotonin. 0130
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Too soon or just right? 3191
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 30/08/2026Took a stupid nature walk for my stupid mental health… 3241
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 29/08/2026The Pumpkin Spice Industrial Complex is mighty strong! “Then you will squeeze, like the grips of a vice, so that our coffers become fat with the profit of spice.” - Baron Vladimir Harkonnen 2133
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 28/08/2026The highs and lows of a Zola dog 2141
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 28/08/2026Current status as of 12:34pm on a Friday afternoon 0110
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 28/08/2026Zola says I provided sufficient shareholder value today. 1111
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 26/08/2026No words. Only actions. Donate in her memory: imaginationlibrary.comimaginationlibrary.comDolly Parton's Imagination Library | USA, UK, IE, CA, AUDolly Parton’s Imagination Library is a book gifting program that mails free books to children from birth until they begin school in participating areas. 050
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 25/08/2026Sometimes when you wake up incredibly early to walk your dog, you get to see something incredible. My inner rocket scientist nerd is happy. 1252
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 21/08/2026Autumn, it beckons to me like a siren’s song. Can you hear it? 0140
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 20/08/2026Another beautiful day stolen by the shackles of employment. 1230
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 18/08/2026Ah, Tuesday… Or as I like to call it day 2 of the hostage situation. 1160
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 14/08/2026Happy birthday Gary Larson - the greatest meme-maker of all time! 1274
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 13/08/2026The horrors (work) persists…So we must sally forth. 190
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 12/08/2026My toxic trait is telling her she is the goodest of girls when, in fact, she’s been nothing but a menace to me and society. 1140
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Thrilled to announce that I can’t afford to retire so I’ll be logging in to work in a few short hours this Monday morning. 1150
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 09/08/2026Hoping to find love while wandering the aisles of Trader Joe’s. Maybe she and I will reach simultaneously for the last box of frozen Butter Chicken… 4110
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 07/08/2026Everything will be ok… *** Results may vary *** 3180
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 05/08/2026Today’s commute thoughts 190
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 05/08/202620 days until Starbucks fall menu is released and unleashes Pumpkin Spice Latte and its sugary brand of madness upon us all. Please heed this warning and take all necessary precautions and implement all required safety measures. “The spice must flow.” ~ Harkonnen proverb 1123
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Go ahead… Wear the tan suit to that big, big meeting with lots of bigwigs. Get yourself a coffee. Maybe a snack, too. 4400
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 03/08/2026Tweedledee and Tweedledum… and Tweedledum has another ear infection. 1130
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 02/08/2026Animals seen on my afternoon walk: - Eastern Tiger Swallowtail (Papilio glaucus) - White-tailed Deer (Odocoileus virginianus) - Eastern Box Turtle (Terrapene carolina carolina) - Virginian Black-coated Treatasaurus (Hottest messus) 3252
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 01/08/2026Them: Any thoughts on what you and Zola are going to do today? Me: No thanks. Them: You aren’t going to do anything? Me: No, thoughts. Zola and I are cutting back on thoughts. 0150
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 29/07/2026Today’s To Do List: ✔️ Wake up ✔️ Drink coffee Poop Be awesome 290
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 26/07/2026Don’t let her looks and smile fool you… She will never let you sleep in. Ever. 2320
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 24/07/2026I can hear the song of a roving ice cream truck... It beckons to me like a siren's call. I must resist. 190
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 24/07/2026Honestly, I have a lot of in common with the cyclops from the Odyssey. We both live alone. We both love fluffy animals, cheese, sleeping, and Greek food. 0120
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 23/07/2026🚨 Breaking News 🚨 It’s been confirmed that dogs are still good 2293
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 21/07/2026We keep you alive to serve this… Choose one of the following: • Ship • Company Name • Government Agency • Military Unit • Pack of wild children • Other Row well, and live. ~ Judah Ben-Hur 070
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 21/07/2026I’m pleased to report I have no idea what I am doing but I’m doing it really well! 0182
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 20/07/2026Made the mistake of looking at my work phone and checking my calendar for Monday: 2260
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 19/07/2026“Gather around, children. I’m going to tell you about the summer of 2026. There was diarrhea lettuce, heat domes, a war that isn’t a war, a ceasefire that didn’t cease fire, and Canadian wildfires. But we also had Jimothy to give us hope” 0170
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 17/07/2026Zola has opinions about the current air quality… 3160
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 17/07/2026The Bangles need to re-record “Hazy Shade of Winter” to reflect today 3160
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 17/07/2026If you are my friends, I will take you to get pizza and dessert. 2231
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 16/07/2026The dog days of summer discontent Sun out, tongues out. 0543
Chris - Tortured Systems Engineer™️ @optesterchris.bsky.social · 11/07/2026I work hard so my dog can live her best life 0181