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Old Man Steve

@omsteve.bsky.social

1.6K followers 180 following 676 posts

Be kind to yourself and others, and always be safe. I'm on TikTok. I'm in DFW, Texas. Some say I'm a comedian, but I don't think so; I'm just old and do jigsaw puzzles. Sometimes I dance, but I'm not very good linktr.ee/OldManSteve

Posts Replies Media

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 04/03/2026

Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 03/03/2026

The device will work much better, if you turn it on.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 02/03/2026

I got up so early this morning it was still yesterday

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 02/03/2026

I eat bran cereal every morning I guess I'm just a regular guy

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 01/03/2026

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 01/03/2026

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 26/02/2026

I never make the same mistakes twice, I make it five or six times just to be sure.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 24/02/2026

I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 24/02/2026

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 22/02/2026

I’m in no shape to exercise.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 22/02/2026

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 21/02/2026

According to WebMD, I'm Sick & Tired of people.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 21/02/2026

By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 20/02/2026

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 15/02/2026

If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 14/02/2026

What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck? Milk and quackers.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 14/02/2026

Roses are red Violets are blue It's cold outside and I love you

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 13/02/2026

There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 10/02/2026

I’m a responsible person. People are always saying “I know you’re responsible for this.”

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 09/02/2026

The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 08/02/2026

Artificial plants grow best in artificial light

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 07/02/2026

What do you call a cow bouncing on a trampoline.. A dairy air.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 05/02/2026

Doctor's office: All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 05/02/2026

The family that sticks together should bathe more often.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 03/02/2026

Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can't remember the lyrics.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 02/02/2026

That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there's no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 02/02/2026

The kids text me "plz" Because it's shorter than "please". I text back "no" because it's shorter than "yes"

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 01/02/2026

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 01/02/2026

Some people are like a newspaper, every day they have a new issue.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 31/01/2026

Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn't stop coloring till 2 o'clock this morning.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 31/01/2026

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 30/01/2026

I thought I'd lost my marbles but I found them in the refrigerator, so everything is good

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 30/01/2026

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 29/01/2026

So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 28/01/2026

You know you're getting old when you can get your annual dental check-up by mail

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 27/01/2026

I tried to be spontaneous once but I took a nap instead

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 27/01/2026

Everytime I find the meaning of life, they change it.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 26/01/2026

My bed is a magical place where I can suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 26/01/2026

Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7' to 10' tall.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 25/01/2026

I'd probably be more of a go getter if I knew what I was going to get.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 25/01/2026

"Because it would be hilarious," is probably not a good reason to elect someone as president.

Reposted by Old Man Steve

Jonathan Slater @jonathanslater.bsky.social · 24/01/2026

Warning: Graphic Imagery ICE THESE NAZI FUCKS JUST KILLED ANOTHER CITIZEN IN MINNESOTA. WE BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS AND WE BETTER DO SOMETHING QUICK.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 24/01/2026

That awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but become the First Lady of America!

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 23/01/2026

I think this waitress is hitting on me; she just called me hot plate

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 23/01/2026

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 22/01/2026

Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 21/01/2026

I think I will take up country songwriting I've got the title so far "I Lost My Teeth Last Night Because I Fell In Love With You "

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 21/01/2026

I dated an opera singer once, but it was always me me me me me.

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 20/01/2026

You can't have everything; where would you put it?

Old Man Steve @omsteve.bsky.social · 20/01/2026

I could be a morning person. If morning happened around noon.