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Fake Muriel Bowser

@notmurielbowser.bsky.social
137 followers 22 following 235 posts

Mayor of DC and future Washington Commanders EVP of Sinecures. In 2026, let’s Run Through The Tape and make sure that every developer gets the tax abatement they deserve. This account is 100% corporate PAC funded and 100% satire.

PostsRepliesMedia
Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Landlords: we know that tenants in DC still have too many rights. my team is ON IT
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Last year I was proud to work with the Council to gut tenant protections and speed up evictions. But I’m sorry to say that landlords are still hurting. Let’s finish the job and make sure every landlord has a #fairshot (to screw tenants even harder)
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Seems reasonable to me
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Our North Star is protecting Home Rule and DC's autonomy. But our GPS is looking out for our corporate partners, which is why we’re not gonna talk about Doordash’s support for a GOP bill that would utterly kneecap the District’s ability to fund local priorities.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
With enemies like @chmnmendelson.bsky.social who needs friends lol
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
Election results notwithstanding, we are still Running Through The Tape (nursing drinks at the Economic Club)
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 19/06/2026
I tried calling NPS but cell service on the Vineyard is spotty today. Happy Juneteenth!
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
I never endorsed Kenyan because I knew he was going to lose
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Are you idiots really going to replace me with a goddamn SOCIALIST???
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
I voted ✅ (absentee, from the Vineyard)
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
I have said repeatedly that DC autonomy and home rule are our north star, so I see no need to say anything about this
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
Look, I’ve spent the past 10 months posting on here about what a great mayor I’ve been, and if you losers are too braindead to pick up on all the good I’ve done for you all, that’s a you problem.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
Look, if I didn’t let MPD illegally cooperate with ICE and the National Guard to terrorize my constituents, Trump would, uh, do the same thing but worse somehow
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
The incarceration of children will continue until morale improves
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
Ward by ward, I’ve made sure that every Washingtonian has a fair shot at being victimized by MPD/ICE collaboration #promiseskept
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
Ok you are so fucking fired
MAYOR MURIEL BOWSWER PRESENTS
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
To: Social media coordinator From: Mayor Bowser Re: Alt text Priority: High If the alt text in my next skeet doesn’t include “Muriel Bowser, Mayor,” you’re fired.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
Mr. President, you are not hurting the people I expected you to hurt, and that troubles me.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
Important message regarding my commencement speech at Howard this weekend
wint @dril
and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad.
11:42 PM • Dec 28, 2014
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 10/05/2026
If these kids knew the first thing about the role of tax abatements in spurring economic development, they would’ve cheered loud enough to be heard at the Wharf.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
To maintain consistent and accurate messaging across my administration, I have instructed my staff to use the following device going forward
The “We Are Washington DC/Muriel Bowser, Mayor” branding that the Mayor puts on literally every DC government communication, except that it says “MURIEL BOWSER, COLLABORATOR”
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
Washington, DC will *never* have a pied-à-terre tax. We love our billionaires (and centi-millionaires!), whether you’re here for a quick visit or the long haul!
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
Please remember to tip your bartenders and waitstaff handsomely! Their wages were reduced thanks to legislation I championed :)
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
*watches secret service taking suspect from the scene* and people say I am opposed to rapid rehousing
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Reposted by Fake Muriel Bowser
21st Century Schizoid Tran @grayathena.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
"Mayor Bowser is on her way to the scene" What's she gonna do, defund childcare?
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
Lot of backseat mayors out here think this job is an easy one, but I dare you to try telling absolutely risible lies while keeping a straight face like me.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
I have made Locking Kids Up my #1 priority for the rest of my term and I’ll be damned if the council is going to stop me
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
It’s Budget Day! Tune in to see how I plan to make life more difficult for average Washingtonians while absolutely crushing the most vulnerable among us so that public funds can continue to flow to big landlords
wjla.com
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
An incomplete list of my priorities, ranked: 1. Landlords/landowners 2. Drivers 3. Restaurant owners
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
The Council may have overridden my veto of a police accountability bill, but they can’t override that thing I do where I just ignore the laws I don’t feel like obeying
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
Live look at @chmnmendelson.bsky.social
Fell for it again award meme
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 26/03/2026
Data centers as economic development engine, yay or nay?
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 24/03/2026
I blew a legal deadline to release the congestion pricing study by FIVE YEARS, so if you think I give a fuck about Glen Lee & the Council tut-tutting me for being a few days late with the budget, I have a brand new streetcar to sell you
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 18/03/2026
Councilmember Bonds deserves credit for her vigorous oversight of DCHA, as DCHA employees no longer refer to the smell in agency headquarters as that of a “hog slaughterhouse.” This is how executive-legislative cooperation should work.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 10/03/2026
Did you notice in my letter to the Council that the last group of people I said needed to be consulted—after “Downtown businesses” and “small business owners”—was residents?
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 09/03/2026
The Freedom 250 Grand Prix sits at the center of my two main interests: making money for businesses and rewarding unsafe driving. So you can imagine I’m pretty excited about it.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 04/03/2026
Today the D.C. Council passed two bills to strengthen police accountability that I strongly oppose. However, the Council has spoken, so it is incumbent upon me to ignore them.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 26/02/2026
I await your sternly worded letter with bated breath lololol
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 26/02/2026
It’s easy to violate the law and basic human decency when the people who theoretically could stop me are all chumps
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 26/02/2026
Mayor Muriel Bowser Presents Whoops, the Guy I Appointed to Enforce Key Statutory Protections for Tenants Also Has a Side Gig Offering Legal Services to Landlords
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
ngl i am gonna miss these #RunThroughTheTape
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 23/02/2026
You’re welcome for the snow removal
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
bidet in ford excursion cost
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 19/02/2026
People say my capitulation to Trump didn’t get me anything, but if that’s true, how come ICE waited until *after* Restaurant Week before trying to deport all the restaurant workers, huh?
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 18/02/2026
I know what you’re thinking, and yes: we’re cutting the bejeezus out of medicaid to do this.
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Reposted by Fake Muriel Bowser
Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 13/02/2026
To the majority of Washingtonians who are renters, my commitment to making life more miserable for you will never falter. You could say it’s my North Star. Happy anniversary!
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 13/02/2026
To the majority of Washingtonians who are renters, my commitment to making life more miserable for you will never falter. You could say it’s my North Star. Happy anniversary!
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
From paving over Black Lives Matter Plaza to making sure MPD cooperates with ICE, I’ve given the President and Republicans everything they’ve asked for, so I’m truly baffled that they would screw DC over like this.
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
wake up babe, new reason to slash emergency rental assistance even further just dropped
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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 10/02/2026
Using government resources to promote your personal brand? That’s my move!
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