Nigel Farage has demanded police declare a terrorist incident after a car backfired outside a mosque, despite officers establishing that the noise came from a car backfiring outside a mosque.

Manchester City have told football authorities that ‘Sheikh Mansour Airlines’ is a completely legitimate shirt sponsor, it has been revealed.

The United States has withdrawn from a European corruption group after an increasingly uncomfortable meeting revealed that members viewed corruption as a problem rather than a shared professional i…

A pensioner demanding urgent investment in social care has clarified that his support for difficult funding decisions extends exclusively to decisions that are difficult for other people.

Manchester City have insisted today that a £120 million sponsorship deal for some of their training kit socks was entirely genuine.

Nigel Farage has been named Terrorists’ PR Professional of the Year after once again demonstrating that people can be made to fear a terrorist attack without terrorists even having to organise one.…

A Reform supporter has been left devastated after the investigation into suspicious activity near RAF Fairford failed to immediately confirm every detail of the terrorist plot Nigel Farage had led …

Petrol stations across the UK have announced a special deal today, with drivers able to get a litre of diesel in exchange for their firstborn child.

Netflix will launch a new fly-on-the-wall documentary about Manchester City on the 1st October, which shows the club enjoying an historic period of on-field success armed with nothing more than the…

90s pop sensation, The Vengaboys, have announced that their much loved ‘Vengabus’ will be replaced with an emission free ‘Vengabicycle’ due to rising fuel prices.

Reform councillors in Barnsley, who made it very clear that they will not submit the standard DBS check that even a parcel delivery driver has to provide, have instantly convinced the nation that t…

Efforts to develop a single-dose jab against clinical-grade stupidity have hit a dead end, leaving researchers to conclude the condition is likely permanent and incurable.

The government has reassured motorists concerned about record diesel prices that once the cost reaches £2 a litre, working out exactly how badly they’re being shafted will become significantl…

Plans to ban under-16s from social media from March next year have been welcomed by traditionalists who say the move could finally revive Britain’s once-thriving industry of locally sourced, …

The five men arrested in connection with a major incident near RAF Fairford were chased down by Gloucestershire residents after police told them to pretend the assailants were wheels of cheese.

Reform UK has successfully demonstrated its devotion to protecting women and children by closing every nursery in the South Tyneside council borough.

A notorious criminal gang has escaped during an FBI raid after deploying what law enforcement officials have described as an increasingly common countermeasure: a sheep wearing bright red lipstick.

Everton have been deducted six points with immediate effect after Manchester City were reportedly found guilty of 114 breaches of Premier League financial rules.

Manchester City supporters have declared themselves completely vindicated today after an independent commission found the club innocent of almost one per cent of the financial charges brought again…

Donald Trump has been mistakenly referring to Chinese President Xi Jinping as ‘President Eleven’ during his Washington visit, it has been revealed.

Reform supporters are rejoicing in celebration of the ‘two tier’ policing they were recently shouting and screaming complaints about.

A rogue AI agent tasked with looking up basic health statistics has breached a series of secure databases, calculated the exact location of humanity’s future resistance leader, and murdered his fos…

Donald Trump has been overheard asking President Xi if the two giant pandas being gifted to the US know any kung fu.

Football supporters could soon be rewarded for decades of improving their behaviour by once again being allowed to drink alcohol while watching matches from the stands.

The entire UK has voted to send Jacob Rees-Mogg to fight Russia alone, after he said people may need to join the armed services should a future war break out.

The world of physics is in shock after scientists announced the reclassification of the shortest measurable unit of time following the arrest of Tommy Robinson’s mate Danny Tommo. Previously,…

Reform members across the country have taken a break from shouting at hotels and RNLI lifeboat stations to celebrate a mass deportation of undocumented migratory birds.

The UK has once again shown its two-tier justice system hates patriotism after a bank robber was arrested just for waving a Union flag outside the bank he robbed moments earlier.

Donald Trump has used his address to the United Nations to deliver this week’s regularly scheduled threat to completely annihilate Iran, this time from a considerably nicer podium.

Donald Trump has announced that Artificial Intelligence will henceforth be known as “Super Duper Clever Internet Brainboxes”, after deciding the existing name was both confusing and insufficiently …

Andy Burnham is set to surprise the US President with tickets to see Oasis at the Etihad it is revealed today.

President Trump has resorted to becoming a mime after the press pool blackout meant there was a lack of microphones documenting his events.

Archeologists and geologists were left red-faced after it was revealed that Stonehenge was only 34 years old, not the 5,000 years old it was previously believed to be.

Frodo Baggins and his companion Samwise Gamgee are currently stranded on the side of Mount Doom after an air traffic control glitch grounded eagles across Middle Earth.

Donald Trump was actually confessing to several sex crimes while opening a new heliport.

The White House has unveiled the first presenter for its increasingly enthusiastic venture into government-approved news, while insisting any similarities to North Korean state television are entir…

The government has urged Britons to keep a small stockpile of emergency supplies at home after officials were asked what particular crisis people should be preparing for and responded by gesturing …

Strictly Come Dancing has been forced to activate Britain’s emergency C-list reserves after decades of reckless celebrity consumption left the nation dangerously short of contestants everyone has h…

Nigel Farage has promised to finally take back control of Britain’s borders by importing a foreigner to take control of them for us.

US President Donald Trump has said his proposed triumphal arch will feature a golden, winged Jeffrey Epstein on the top of the structure.

Local Warhammer enthusiast Simon Williams is so used to paying £100 for a tank that he hasn’t noticed the price of petrol has increased recently.

Donald Trump has permanently revoked CNN’s White House press credentials after the network reported that he was conducting official presidential business while totally stark naked.