iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Round up any purchase today to help give broccoli haircuts to every guinea pig at Pet Parade

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

If you’ve ever seen ‘Chopping Mall’ you’ll understand why the Dayton’s wing is closed to the public today

021

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 11/08/2026

Hot Topic has unionized and staff have been replaced with scab goths

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

Someone wheeled a giant wooden horse into our atrium and we’re going to crowbar it open at 4pm if anyone wants to watch

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 30/06/2026

You can jump in the fountain today but just once and only for five seconds

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 06/06/2026

Warm, chewy and oh-so-gooey, get 90% off your Orange Julius purchase today following the transformer explosion that disabled the freezer

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 28/04/2026

It’s a Wicker Wonderland at Pier 1 Imports, where there’s no better time than now to upgrade your cuck chair

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 12/04/2026

At Neon Pines Mall, shopping is a journey and the destination is also shopping and we have simplified the experience by removing the journey

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 30/03/2026

If you see someone who looks exactly like you, we recommend shopping separately from them

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 23/01/2026

Yes, the fire doors are frozen shut, and no, all that screaming won’t make this go any faster

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 12/01/2026

We don’t have the Criterion Closet, but we do have the Troma Dumpster

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 02/01/2026

We are working on maintaining wheelchair accessibility but according to soil scientists our foundation is sinking sideways into the earth at eleven inches per year

020

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 04/11/2025

Has your Shar-Pei seen better days? Come on down to Neon Pines Pet Grooming for a complimentary waddle smoothening

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 20/10/2025

Please do not spit into, off of, or up inside of anything

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 03/10/2025

Congrats to 12-year old Ricky Dawson on winning the door prize at Video Heaven and receiving five unrestricted minutes in the Adult section

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 23/09/2025

We will open at our normal time tomorrow unless the Rapture leaves us understaffed

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 22/09/2025

RELEASE THE LIST! Santa’s Naughty List, that is! Christmas is just three months away!

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 15/09/2025

Your next career path awaits! Service Merchandise is looking for an Accounts Receivable clerk who isn’t easily squeamish to start ASAP

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 05/09/2025

We are aware that some of you have peanut allergies so please don’t come here today because everything has peanuts in it

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 27/08/2025

Land’s End is now carrying hip, edgy denim. Too edgy, in fact, because they denied January 6 happened and are now facing heavy criticism

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 21/08/2025

Please refrain from throwing your Food Court trays into the elevator shaft

020

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 15/08/2025

For the (lucky!) 7th time, Neon Pines will be prominently featured in tonight’s episode of Dateline

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 11/08/2025

We have been informed that our Back To School decorations have frightened several children and military veterans and will be removed

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 05/08/2025

Radon-Free Since 2033 (estimated)!

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 04/08/2025

We will have the alarms and sprinklers turned off within the hour, thank you for your patience

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 30/07/2025

“I refuse to pay alimony for those bastard developments.” – Happy Birthday to Victor Gruen, creator of the Shopping Mall!

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 07/07/2025

Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean weren’t friends but Deck The Walls doesn’t know that so they’re all in every painting they have

020

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 30/06/2025

Get ‘classy’ with Back-To-School savings on all bulk fart spray at Spencer Gifts

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 23/06/2025

A reminder that the ferns in the atrium are artificial and you shouldn’t be eating them even if they weren't

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 20/06/2025

Noodle Kidoodle is currently on lockdown

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 16/06/2025

The official name is ‘Spiral Wishing Well Coin Funnel’ but regardless it should not be urinated into

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 10/06/2025

Neon Pines has always had a mask-wearing policy due to what is locally-known as ‘The Incident’

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 03/06/2025

Sagebrush’s clothes are so casual you technically cannot wear them inside of Neon Pines due to our Appearance Policy

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 28/05/2025

Beefsteak Charlie’s is your one-stop shop for a bun-plopped chop

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 19/05/2025

Do not attempt to approach any members of the Rock-afire Explosion and call security immediately

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 14/05/2025

Strollers, wheelchairs and coolant can be rented at the Information Desk for a nominal fee

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 08/05/2025

Phar-Mor’s got Tums coming out the flippin wazoo

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 05/05/2025

Neon Pines deeply apologizes about the hidden bathroom cameras and promises to get them up and running again as soon as possible

020

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 29/04/2025

Please do not eat the ashtray sand

020

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 29/04/2025

Please do not put your cigarettes out on our carpeted walls

020

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 24/04/2025

The Plexiglas on our vending machines is not bulletproof and someone just found out the hard way

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 21/04/2025

The reports of paranormal activity on the third floor are unsubstantiated, but we don’t know what that noise was either

030

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 16/04/2025

Z Cavaricci made culottes that are so pink you cannot view them without protective eyewear

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 10/04/2025

Looking for more ‘Structure’ in your life? Either get legally emancipated from your family or come check out our boat necks

010

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 07/04/2025

Neon Pines has been running a bit into the red recently so let’s see a little more silver in those fountains

000

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 04/04/2025

RadioShack will be open late tonight to celebrate the release of that fancy new lamp cord everyone’s been calling about

020

Neon Pines Mall @neonpinesmall.bsky.social · 31/03/2025

Kohl’s appreciates the concern but they were not recently ransacked; the store always looks that way

042