Reposted by nem0 Skyheart | Vtuber Live2D Rigger
˖⋆☽𝕸𝖔𝖉𝖊𝖑 𝕽𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖆𝖑☾⋆˖💙🐺
“As the moon crosses the starry night, you hear wolves howl their chorus as a figure slowly appears, glowing under the moonlight”
𝖉𝖊𝖇𝖚𝖙 𝕰𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖊: 18th January 2027
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![tw: abuse, rape, suicide
I'm really fucked up in the head right now
I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years where I was trapped in a toxic cycle of abuse, making me anxious to check my messages, jumpy and walking on eggshells in my own home, unsure when I'd next be spoken down to or provoked into a panic attack or worse, sending me to hospital a few times over the last 2 years but I'd be accused of lying or exaggerating
I resorted to old unhealthy coping mechanisms including self harm, especially after being pressured into situations and environments that would trigger panic attacks or autistic meltdowns in which I'd mostly be ignored or scolded and yelled at
'I would've punched you if you were a [cisgender] man'
'Why didn't you stop me [raping you]'
'I would've stopped if you had-'
The overwhelming guilt and shame is crushing me alive
I can't eat, I can't sleep
I just want to feel at peace and safe in my own home again
I will need to be in therapy for the foreseeable future
My assessment with the NHS talking therapies informed me I need counselling before I start Cognitive Behavioural Therapy on the NHS in around 3 months depending on local waitlist
I begin counselling this week at a private local practise specialising in domestic violence
I'm on a low income bursary for 8 sessions but I need at least 12 which would total to 485gbp, not including the cost of transport for sessions
I had savings but it was mostly drained playing house and paying bills for two
I know I'm mentally ill but I was medicated, stable and free from self harm for many years before this relationship and I just want to get back to that](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:3hwdxfctwzl57soewhnyghm5/bafkreiht6ajsel2qrajrnz4xv2zsh6a3kekyt6ohezarocyfs224fsd2ja)
