iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

don't forget, you and i are human, we still need human things to be alive. but it also allows us to experience things while alive; the horrors that we may never understand, the wonders this world will endlessly provide, and most importantly, the things we, as part of this world, have and will make.

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i've suffered a past incomprehensible to anyone else but myself. so have many people here. but unlike some, i strive to transmute that pain into beautiful existential kintsugi, and i hope tidal skies inspires others to do the same. i refuse to let my past and suffering be an excuse for brash actions

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it's not to say i don't appreciate the people, no, FRIENDS who brought me here as far as they could. it's also to say that they can only bring me as far as i want to go. so i daresay i, no, WE wish to go much further. WE wish to fly much farther. WE wish to be the breeze drifters of this world.

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while selfish as to my reasonings for starting this club, i still want to put out there that i hope the club grows beyond my initial reasoning, into a club where a collective mind of people who will see the sky and think "there's a place out there on this world turning the sky into our sanctuary"

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i'm writing this thread as both a confession to tidal skies' inactivity, while a reminder of where i am when i'm at my lowest, because who knows; in the future, TS might actually just become "the thing" and i'll look back on this and think "i was really here?"

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it all really just boils down to my energy i shouldn't be making excuses because there are plenty of equally exhausted folks running successful things here in the scene, but i ALSO shouldn't be limit breaking myself and catastrophically crashing, burning, and disintegrating because i tried too hard

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it would be utterly fantastic if tidal skies became a name people knew within and outside of vrchat. "tidal skies? like that one cool techno and sky themed club?" i've achieved the first of my childhood dreams, but at what point should i ever say "i should stop here"?

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it would be lovely to have the support and backup frequently to keep me going, but at the end of the day, the direction of tidal skies is entirely up to how much effort i'll be willing to put in. how high i actually want to shoot. how much love and passion i'm willing to dedicate to it.

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it doesn't help that the adhd and history i have really drags me down, seeing as to how i want to grow my humble lil club here, but i've been subconsciously pushing away the acceptance factor that i need to put in a lot of hard work, even if it means limit breaking my energy capacity, which is risky

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secondly, my laziness (mostly derived from my adhd) really is what's stopping me a lot. i've been told i've got the passion, i've got the great ideas, but the laziness aspect gets overlooked pretty often (understandably so), but subsequently i'm juggling a lot of things that leaves me drained daily

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a fool once told me life is only of survival and all sentimentality is futile coping of reality. but as i've said before, what is a life if only of survival? now i deduce and make my decisions based on my own true personal values and potential better outcomes, not what the back thoughts think

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at some point it got so bad that it became reality and people really were leaving me behind, so i knew i had to change that. i still overthink at times, but i approach it with "am i being driven by reasonable amounts of emotion and/or logic here?" and fellas, that shit helped a lot.

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but now i understand the core variables here. the overthinking comes from the shyness and ostracizing i've suffered in my history, thinking "people don't actually like this, they're just being nice" for the longest time this mindset was preventing me from really growing as a person

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truth be told i've been feeling a heavy sense of imposter syndrome ever since i debuted at letha last year. i always thought i was a poser just doing it for attention, a fake persona that was only in it for the embrace of the spotlight and surrounding of people.

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N2KA // NATSUKA @n2ka.vrc.dj · 22h

i think some of the things limiting me from really growing tidal skies (my club/label) as a whole is just my overthinking and laziness i spent my depression episode thinking about it a lot, and as much as i've isolated every variable to look them through, those two really stand out the most

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No one knows why bossa nova is playing

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N2KA // NATSUKA @n2ka.vrc.dj · 22h

Playing capsule at work on the work speaker just to feel something

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N2KA // NATSUKA @n2ka.vrc.dj · 03/10/2026

hard limiting myself to only opening bsky to post my works 1-3 times a day and not opening the feed has helped a bit, though

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N2KA // NATSUKA @n2ka.vrc.dj · 03/10/2026

as motivated as i’ve been lately, the depression’s still there it won’t stop me from at least trying, but i’m also being cautious i don’t push myself too far

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N2KA // NATSUKA @n2ka.vrc.dj · 03/10/2026

been distant from playing or attending lately hopefully late october’s event changes that

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I call this one "waiting"

first reference drawing

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You, my ghost, have begun to reclaim your identity... Through the Emotional Representation Project. Begin the "self-suppression alleviation process". [4/4]

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But with this Project, you have now begun to break down the walls that contain who you truly are to yourself, the shackles of which your heart have been bound. [3/4]

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For a grand portion of your life, you had been forced into the conformities of what this world has expected of you. You have lived a life of a lie, a belief that you may only live in this world by playing by its rules, its conditions. [2/3]

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Vocals for the curious: For years, you have lived in silence. For years, you have lived, suppressed. For years, your agony had triumphed over your "self". For years, you have lived, unknowing if you were worthy of love. [1/2]

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demo track for a long overdue album that i made at the height of my depression episode i didn't think i could make another psychedelic fallout song but here we are

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am i legally allowed to call myself an artist now

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Unnamed chibi girl kicking her legs in the wind

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shiogpt be like "ok shiogpt: now draw her studying the optimal path to reach the 2nd loop of ketsui: kizuna jigoku tachi while ignoring the discord notifications from her h party oneesan appearing on the top of her ipad because she forgot to turn on do not disturb"

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N2KA // NATSUKA @n2ka.vrc.dj · 29/09/2026

It looks like abysmal dogshit I have no form whatsoever BUT IT ISN’T AI AND I GENUINELY TRIED PUTTING MY HEART INTO IT AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

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Now actively looking! We expect to bring in a full freeform hardcore (preferrably doujin-styled FH) event before November on a Sunday evening or late Saturday night! DM me or join the TiDAL SKiES server if you're interested in playing!

there is nothing special about this image it's quite literally just a shio on your feed

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i should get back into doing some more photos maybe mildly spicy ones to drum up numbers and throw people to tidal skies for next month's event thonk

i still kinda laugh of how i unironically use some of my vrc photos to test the displays and tvs at work

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N2KA // NATSUKA @n2ka.vrc.dj · 27/09/2026

how i've had this one vrc image i made as my background for over a year really shows how hard it hits

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i've been working on this song for 2 years and it is nowhere near completion

N2KA // NATSUKA @n2ka.vrc.dj · 25/09/2026

you've seen some shit, but you also got me through some shit you made my childhood dreams become real, as fucked over as you were over time thanks for being my entrance to fight my hell and gateway to sanctuaries, buddy i hope your next owner has just as many adventures as we did, together.

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I got waitlisted for the Frame So I won a colour passthrough thingy at an auction

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this also includes seldom activity on here until i'm well tempered against the... lovable chaos of the community. but i'll still be posting my wips and photos. maybeambiguouslygravureimagestogetthatengagementbutthatsbesidethepoint

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still though, i'm taking it easy since i'm still in the process of recovery. but rest assured to those who have been looking for me: i'm okay, and i'm damn well alive.

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and if ANYONE wants to contest me on that stance of life, i grill my hotdogs and tip my visor to you in respect, since i'm not gonna argue with you, not out of anger, but respect of your own stances but for me, personally? i think life's got a lot beyond just "surviving".

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my mental energy is slowly restoring itself, as well as the chaotic side and so i dare say to you all: a life of survival is but a life at all keep fighting for fucking meaning, and never end yourself i don't care if i'm screaming into the void, the echoes of my own battle cries are enough

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granted i've been fighting a war for more than a decade, my indescribable resilience is what kept me alive it's about time that said resilience get me going places because what is life without one of meaning, for a life of survival is but a life to live at all.

granted i'm backed up by people like your cool ass side by side, i've decided i should really give myself more credit not to mention i've decided to really start putting my foot down, whether silently or hella fucking loudly fr

i started a decade plus journey of self discovery and self expression, and i know damn well how far it'll go so long as i'm myself and not a front i put up just to be surrounded by people even more so knowing how much i've accomplished on my own

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