Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 31/05/2025Mr. Mask just named his three new children: www.nytimes.com/2025/05/30/o...nytimes.comOpinion | Elon Musk’s Legacy Is Disease, Starvation and Death 010
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 24/02/20255 accomplishments I achieved last week: 1. Sent 💩 to 37 journalists 2. Invented the xillion, a number to be used by DOGE's ̶P̶R̶ ̶d̶e̶p̶a̶r̶t̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ accountants 3. Advised Mr Musk regarding his new Charlie Chaplin moustache 4. Collected the weekly CyberTruck™ debris 5. Fixed the printer 010
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 19/02/2025Mr. Musk takes over the FAA, so planes would stop crashing. Rapid unscheduled disassemblies, however, are expected to double 020
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 16/02/2025 ̶2̶ 0 days since the latest DOGE data leak www.huffpost.com/entry/elon-m...huffpost.comElon Musk’s DOGE Posts Classified Data On Its New Website“People are scrambling” to see if their sensitive information has been accessed by Musk’s programmers, said one federal intelligence employee. 020
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 12/02/2025It's a boy! Please congratulate Mr. Musk for the birth of his youngest son! Well, his youngest until tomorrow 000
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 11/02/2025The cafeteria ran out of CompoundX™ to add to the water. Some employees started seeing colors again. The head chef has been sent to The Basement 010
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 07/02/2025Mr. Musk came up with a new plan to train new employees to take over the federal buildings. It's called Musk's Youth. He already made a uniform for them 000
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 06/02/2025Mr. Musk told us that if someone with more than 100 billion dollars does it, you can't call it a coup, it's a buyout 100
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 05/02/2025I had to tell Mr. Musk that unfortunately he can't name his new death laser thingy the way he wanted, because the X-ray already exists 111
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 04/02/2025Due to many complaints about unidentified young men taking control of federal buildings, Mr. Musk ordered all DOGE employees to wear a red arm band with an X on a white background. Now they can be identified 010
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 03/02/2025Mr. Musk had a meeting with Tesla's chief data scientist today. Apparently, the Autopilot algorithm doesn't reach the right conclusion when it has to choose between hitting a White man or a class of Black kindergartners. Or just trying to avoid hitting minorities in general 020
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 02/02/2025He's making a list (of federal employees), He's checking it twice (marking some of the names with a pink triangle, some with a yellow star), Mr. Musk is coming to town 022
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 01/02/2025A simple search-and-replace mistake caused a press release to mention our new campus in "Lagos, DEIia" 020
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 31/01/2025Mr Musk wants to make it perfectly clear that the data itself was moved to a safe location and will be accessible only by authorized personnel, or anyone joining GovernmentX™ for $8 a month 111
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 31/01/2025Working all night on the rebranding of the Department Of Governmental Efficiency as the new National Agency for Zefficiency Integration. Does anybody know what "Zefficiency" means? 032
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 31/01/2025Mr Musk just told us a very funny joke and we all laughed voluntarily and wholeheartedly. I mean, I think it's a joke. I'm almost certain it's a joke. Oh dear god, I hope it's a joke. Somebody should alert the Belgians 081
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 31/01/2025Oh no, oh no, oh no! The dry cleaners lost Mr. Musk's laundry! Does anybody know where I can find a white cone-shaped pillow case? I can cut the eye holes myself 041
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 31/01/2025I signed an NDA, so all I can say is that many of the Cybertrucks™ in Wisconsin definitely 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 explode yesterday 010
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 31/01/2025Mr. Musk just told me I'm going to be the first executive assistant on Mars! I mean, he said a 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 of me will live on Mars. While he took another vial of my blood. I'm sure it's going to be fine 030
Musk's Executive Assistant @mr-masks-ea.bsky.social · 31/01/2025Mr. Musk named all the meeting rooms "X". It took me 3.5 hours to find the right one 020