iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 24/08/2026

Dear estranged parents, We see your comments online. If this is how you treat strangers in public, we all know how you treated your kids behind closed doors.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 30/07/2026

Dear estranged parents, Sometimes the silence is the answer to a question they've stopped believing you actually want answered.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 25/07/2026

Society: “Cutting family off isn’t healing!” Translation: Endure a harmful mother who refuses to change, prioritizing her feelings over your well-being.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 23/07/2026

Keeping children away from abusive grandparents isn't "using your kids as pawns." It's doing your job as a parent.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 21/07/2026

For those parents who once said they don’t owe you anything once you turn 18, it’s incredibly jarring when they suddenly need help or want time with grandkids, because suddenly it’s all "family sticks together.” Selective memory runs deep.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 20/07/2026

Them: “You have to understand, she just lacked the emotional skills.” My mom: [being an absolute saint to friends, strangers, and the cashier at Target…] Me: Interesting. Almost like it was a choice.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 18/07/2026

Many adults struggle to set boundaries with their mothers because: They were punished for saying "no" as children. They learned that love = compliance. They were parentified or enmeshed. They were taught to manage their mother's feelings instead of their own.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 18/07/2026

Maybe that cousin you were always told "never comes to family events because they don't care about anyone in the family" would be at those events in a heartbeat if their abusers weren't also going to be there.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 16/07/2026

Divorced husband: I’m entitled to my ex. I gave them so much and was never abusive. Society: you are the problem Estranged mom: I’m entitled to my adult child. I gave them so much and was never abusive. Society: there is a problem with a generation who discards parent

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 15/07/2026

“My adult child won’t even take my call let alone tell me what I did wrong! How can I apologize?!” Translation: “I have demonstrated over and over again that I am not a safe person to be in conflict with. Now, my adult child has prioritized safety and peace.”

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

"My adult child is holding a grudge!" No, your child is holding a boundary. What you're feeling is the discomfort of finally facing a consequence.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 13/07/2026

"Well I guess I’m just the world’s worst mother!!" If talking about your parenting makes you sound like the world’s worst mother, I have some bad news for you… A reflective parent sits with the criticism. A defensive one turns it into a punchline.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 11/07/2026

Estranged parent: “I have a great relationship with my other children!” "Ask them how honest they're allowed to be with you." Not all unhealthy parent-adult child relationships look like distance. Sometimes it looks like staying quiet to stay close.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 21/09/2025

My parents told me to “wait until I had kids” and I would understand their parenting. I’m a parent and now they really don’t like what I understand about their parenting.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 19/09/2025

Maybe that cousin you were always told “never comes to family events because they don’t care about anyone in the family” would be at those events in a heartbeat if their abusers weren’t also going to be there.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 13/09/2025

Our children are the only ones who get to decide how well we did as a parent.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 10/09/2025

Imagine teaching your child that their voice doesn't matter and then being confused when they stop calling.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 06/09/2025

A parent is not a victim because their child has decided that life is better without them in it.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 05/09/2025

To whom it may concern: Keeping your kids away from abusive grandparents isn't "using your kids as pawns." It's doing your job as a parent.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 04/09/2025

Imagine hurting your child so much they cut you off and then thinking you're the victim.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 30/08/2025

Estranged parents [Then]: "We're your parents, not your friend! You should be thankful; we fed you and clothed you!” Estranged parents [Now]: "I can’t understand why you don’t call, visit, or include me in your life?”

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 21/08/2025

Don’t keep going back to a dry well expecting to get water. I’m not talking about wells or water.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 13/07/2025

Adult children estranging their parents isn’t a trend. Or ageism. Or an unraveling of the very fabric of society. It’s kids these days taking our power back and standing up for ourselves by refusing to continue to tolerate mistreatment by the people who have been our parents in name only.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 11/07/2025

Adult sibling: "wHy CAn'T yOu JuSt kEeP tHe pEaCe wItH mOm?!?" Translation: I want you to go back to tolerating abuse and staying silent. I am being inconvenienced by the steps you are taking to keep yourself safe from mom.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 20/05/2025

It's not your job to say yes to your mom so she won't feel upset about your no.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 12/05/2025

Dear mom, Your phone didn't ring on Mother's Day because I forgot. It didn't ring because I remembered.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 10/05/2025

Keeping children away from abusive grandparents isn’t using ”your kids as pawns.” It’s doing your job as a parent.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 04/05/2025

mom, I didn't stay as long as I did because you loved me. I stayed as long as I did because I hoped you'd love me someday.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 03/05/2025

Boundary-pusher moms sound like: • "That's ridiculous." • "But I don't agree!" •"You're overreacting." • "You don't really need that." • "But I'm your mom!" • "We never did that before!" • "Other moms don't do that."

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 02/05/2025

It’s not your job to give your parents the love your grandparents didn’t give them.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 22/04/2025

Before you say something negative about how your child has chosen to dress, style their hair, and otherwise express themselves in their own body, please keep in mind that I speak with adults every single day who carry pain decades later about their own parents doing the exact same thing.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 21/04/2025

Imagine hurting your child so much they cut you off and then thinking you're the victim.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 15/04/2025

Sometimes abusive moms… * Are really charming * Work in caring professions * Have lots of friends * Are kind & loving out in public * Go out of their way to help others * Abuse one child and favor another * Treat other people really well * Volunteer in their free time * Buy their kids lots of stuff

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 13/04/2025

If your mom is pushing for a “fresh start” without taking accountability for past hurts, her goal is manipulation not restoration.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 11/04/2025

Parent: I’ve been 13. You’ve never been 39 so don’t question my decisions. Me (Now 39): I was right to question those decisions at 13… yikes.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 09/04/2025

Don’t mistake an estranged parent’s nostalgia for the control they once had over their child for genuine love and respect.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 07/04/2025

A mother’s religious beliefs are not valid reasons to hurt her children.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 07/04/2025

It’s not your job to say yes to your mom so she won’t feel upset about your no.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 02/04/2025

I had to allow my little self to grieve the mother she always longed for while the mother who always hurt her was still very much alive.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 31/03/2025

my parents then: you're on your own! don't come to us looking for help. my parents now: why don't we see our kids anymore?

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 30/03/2025

Newly estranged parents going to other estranged parents asking, “Why did my adult child cut me off?” and “How do I reconcile with my estranged child?” is the epitome of nonsensical. Why do you think these estranged parents are still estranged from their own children 5, 10, 15 years later?!?! Gah!!

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 22/03/2025

My parents: we didn’t have that information back in our day space also my parents: why are you constantly researching parenting

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 19/03/2025

My parents always said actions have consequences. It turns out they really don’t like that THEIR actions have consequences too.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 17/03/2025

My parents: just tell us what we need to do to repair the relationship. Me: give a heartfelt apology and do this particular thing to make things right. My parents: we won’t do that… My parents (to other people): we have no idea why our daughter went no contact.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 16/03/2025

Maybe your child’s partner didn’t turn them against you. Maybe their partner loves them unconditionally and your conditional love has finally been put in its rightful place.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 14/03/2025

Child: it hurts me when you x,y,z Parent: [continues doing x,y,z] Child: it hurts me when you x,y,z Parent: [denies ever doing x,y,z] Child: it hurt me when you x,y,z Parent: [justifies doing x,y,z] Child: [stops trying] Parent to other people: i wish i know why my child suddenly won’t speak to me!

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 14/03/2025

It’s not an apology when a parent says: - I’m sorry you want me to be perfect. - I said sorry. Stop going on about it. - I’m sorry you can’t get past it. - I’m sorry if I made a mistake. - I’m sorry you’re so sensitive. - I’m sorry you took it wrong. - I’m sorry if you’re offended.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 13/03/2025

Maybe the sibling who left the family isn’t being mean. Maybe they just smelled the smoke.

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Stephi Wagner, Therapist @motherwoundproject.bsky.social · 10/03/2025

Dear extended family and friends, Two people can be raised by the same person and have VERY different experiences. It happens all the time. Please stop using one child’s “My mom was great!” To cancel out another child’s “My mom harmed me.”

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