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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 21h

Morning arrived like a tempest in a timewarp in a teacup: It’s just a jump to the left, and here is my handle, put your hands on your spout and bring your knees in tight… #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Morning arrived like a bucket of fresh chicken heads with their little briefly undead bodies running after them. Oh well, at least the cats are happy. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Morning arrived like a salmon at a sheep convention. Continually struggling against the flow and frustrating the hell out of the border collies. Also, suffocating, because wool is very hard to get through your gills. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Morning arrived like a lemur amphibious assault force—the part I can’t get over is the tails on the wetsuits. They’re simultaneously so adorable and menacing. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Morning arrived like a comforter stuffed with chinchillas—warm and cozy, yet wrong enough to keep you awake. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Morning arrived like a camel with sinus issues—it spits, it bites, it sneezes, but, worst of all, you know it’s here for you! #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Morning arrived like a plague of voles—it’s all fuzzy and looks harmless but it will cheerfully eat your corpse. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Morning arrived like a wave of weasel cavalry mounted on raccoons—you’re briefly mesmerized by the novelty, but then it rolls over you like fuzzy doom. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Morning arrived like a strained metaphor—the idea is kind of funny and surreal, but the through line doesn’t really make any sense. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Morning arrived like a troop of howler monkeys auditioning for a barbershop quartet—loud, hairy, and disturbing, yet strangely haunting. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Morning arrived like an avalanche of wombats—fuzzy, disturbing, and very very angry. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Morning arrived like six antelopes trying to get into a VW Beetle—basically, a clown car but with way more sharp pointy hooves. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Morning arrived like a dump truck full of sea urchins–pointy, prickly, and a bitter reminder you’re not at a tropical beach. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Morning arrived like the butterfly effect—you know that one wrong move means everything goes to hell, so your best bet is to go back to sleep. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Morning arrived like a balrog of Morgoth—drums…drums in the deep! Shadow and flame…alarm clock. Fly you fools! #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Morning arrived like the last exit before the information superhighway hits the fan. AKA the Entrepreneur Interchange or, Shitti Junction by those who navigate it regularly. The addition of the A.I. “bridge to nowhere” is only expected to make things worse. Buckle up, Buttercup! #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Morning arrived like a argggguana, His name was Wilhelm, he was an show-lizard, with yellow spike on his spine and a tail hanging down to there. He climbed a tree. There was a cold snap. And AAAAIEEEARGGH! *smol thud* #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Morning arrived like a giant spatula—you know you’re about to get flipped into the frying pan and there’s not much you can do about it. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Morning arrived like an affectionate walrus—sure, it’s adorable, but it’s also twenty-two hundred tons of tusked steamroller. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Morning arrived like a chinchilla in a chili pot—basically a tiny hot tub, only spicier and meatier, and the filter’s about to clog up with chinchilla fur. Two great tastes that should never ever be mixed. I mean, there’s a reason Reeses never did a chili-chinch-cup. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Morning arrived like a tidal wave of guinea pigs—the cute, the fluff, the horrible squeals coming from under your surf board… #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Morning arrived like The Fellowship of the Jedi, in which Frodo Skywalker must reporg his feather’s lightsaber by forming a new order of flightless waterfowl from the eggs laid on the slopes of the lonely isle while confronting Darth Smaug and his own family secrets. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Morning arrived like night falling halfway around the world—which is to say jet-lagged, footsore, and the opposite of fancy free. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Morning arrived like…what continent is my walrus waltzing on—wait, this is NOT my beautiful walrus. How did I get here? #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Morning arrived like a Shakespeare soliloquy delivered by Elmer Fudd. Fwinds, Womans, Countwymen… Who needs the gweef? #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Morning arrived like a wyvern with its tail caught in a siren—all the shrieking and wailing…sirens hate that, and the wyverns are none too thrilled either, but damn if it doesn’t happen like clockwork this time of year. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Morning arrived like an invitation to the White House—which would have been awesome in most years but right now is like getting your delicate bits pressed in a crimping iron. SIZZLE…AIEEEE! #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Morning arrived like a wapiti in a winnebago—hippity hoppity SMASH! Turns out it’s hard to drive without hands. “Curse my clumsy hooves, aieeeeee, oh death here is thy sting, ooooh, aaaah, owwwww, ooooooh…etc, etc, etc, fade to black. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Morning arrived like a dingo in a diaper—you presume a baby was involved at some point, but you’d rather not know the details. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

There once was a morning named Frank. Who arrived like a bear as a prank. It was quite hairy. And a bit scary. And its smell was incredibly rank! #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Morning arrived like the Sounds of Sinus. Hello, mucus, my old friend, I’ve come to blow you out again. Because allergies softly creeping, brought gunk moist and greenly seeping. And the pollen planted poison near my brain still remains…within the sounds of sinus. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Morning arrived like the subtext. It’s always there and some people claim to see it, but what you see is not always what you get—sometimes an avocado is just an avocado people! There is no hidden meaning to the danse mavocado! What a way to wake up…into a nightmare. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Morning arrived like the cat's pajamas, which if you ever tried to pajama a cat, you will know involves unholy shrieking, zillions of teeth, ALL THE CLAWS EVAR, a terminally bad attitude and considerable bloodshed. Fucking Mondays. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Morning arrived like a Seuss chef—one egg, two egg, red egg, blue egg. I miss my green eggs and ham, I miss them with my jam. I want what I cook and I cook what I want, but this morning is just thing one after thing two and sometimes that’s all you can do. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 29/08/2026

Morning arrived like a giant among gnomes, which is…just a normal sized person in a gnome suit with maybe some…issues and a really rad beard. Basically, it’s going to be a weird old day that wants to live a mushroom that’s ten sizes too small. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

Morning arrived like the Centaur of Attention—it thinks it’s the fanciest thing on the whole damn planet but it’s just the platonic ideal of human being married to a horse’s ass. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

Morning arrived like the Hippopotamus of Conditional Approval. I mostly like it, but you're going to have rewrite slides 13…and 17…and revise your whole premise, but other than that it's awesome. And then, being a hippo, it stomps you to death, but in a loving way. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

Morning arrived like a creeping realization. Little bastards are everywhere. Trying to crawl into your ears as you sleep.… Dropping on you from the ceiling like those horrible tree leeches… Hiding in your slippers… It's like the universe _wants_ you to know. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 26/08/2026

Morning arrived like a Broadway musical revival of Bedtime For Bonzo. When the chimp sings Don’t Cry For My Orangutino, you’ll weep, and not for a good reason. And Bonzo Will Go On is a real show stopper, like STOP THE SHOW. Please. Book and Lyrics by [Obvious Pseudonym] #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 25/08/2026

Morning arrived like an angry chihuahua with a loudspeaker—yip-yip-yip, test-test-TEST, YIP-YIP-YIP! *sticks head under pillow. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 23/08/2026

Morning arrived like a 700-foot caterpillar from Mars, which would be fine if I hadn’t worn my milkweed-patterned pajamas…AIEE! #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 22/08/2026

Morning arrived like a raccoon passing through a jet engine—aaaaah! WHOOMP. Skiiiiish. Kablooie! Now _that’s_ what I call lag. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 21/08/2026

Morning arrived like a weasel in your Wheaties—looks like a prize, bites like…well, a weasel, actually. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 20/08/2026

Morning arrived like the steamroller backing over you…for the second time…they’re not very fast but man do they make their point. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 19/08/2026

Morning arrived like an asthmatic Siberian tiger—I’m going to *wheeze* eat you, *wheeze* just as soon as I…oh, fuck it *wheeze* you’re free to go about your *wheeze*. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 18/08/2026

Morning arrived like a walrus at the orthodontist—well sure we can fix your overbite, but it’ll be hella expensive and in the end you’ll just end up looking like an ugly sea lion. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 17/08/2026

Morning arrived like Cthulhu in dancing-capybara patterned flannel pajamas—it might be covered in unspeakably cute sleepwear but it’s still the end of the world as we know it. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 16/08/2026

Morning arrived like the backside of a moose with a moss condition—this is going to take a lot of mousse to unmuss. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

Morning arrived like a religious vow of somnambulance—silence is soooo dark ages. The modern monk wants to get things done, ideally without being aware of it, and if that requires megadoses of zolpidem, then that’s what we’ll do. BTW, don’t forget to turn at Albuquerque. #BadNoirClassic

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Morning Arrived @morningarrived.bsky.social · 14/08/2026

Morning arrived like a giant squid in the septic tank…what the…aieee! Drop it! Drop it! Drop it! Now look what you did. Look, I’m as much for squid environmentalism as the next home owner, but there HAVE to be ground rules. #BadNoirClassic

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