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Mokahbi

@mokahbi.bsky.social
16 followers 55 following 175 posts

Former Twitter user | Leave me alone

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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
There are two (2) wolves inside you, One (1) loves being red wine drunk, The other hates being red wine hungover
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Got me handsome boy 🤙🏻 Got me kinda rank boy 🤙🏻
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Equipped with big dumbass big ass fuckin ears specialised in ignoring commands
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Wind the dog up it’s Friday
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
It came to me in a dream, Found a jar of what I thought was pickled onions, Closer look revealed it was actually a jar of beasties that were egg shaped with eyes, a nose & long whiskers, They jumped up & down in the vinegar to a little theme tune, The song is gone but I CANNOT forget their form
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Be hard to find, but always be found hard
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Left my bucket-o-cacti outside today as a little treat since it’s gonne be a million (1,000,000) degrees, Remind them of home 🏜️🐫
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
10pm and a quick shave has turned into a disaster I have a mullet now how am I supposed face Jane Mokahbi she’s gonna hit the roof
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Trying to convince my s/o that the Dr. did in fact prescribe me a Redbull & a Marlboro Gold to quell my illness (I didn’t go)
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
I waited and wait by the window for footbol to come home, but alas
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Quarter finals, Semi finals, Fully erect finals, Can Ingerland do it? Can Ingerland bring it home?
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
I don’t give a fuck if England win the World Cup the highlight of (what little I’ve seen of) the entire tournament is Daichi Kamadas goal vs Netherlands, PLEASE look it up if you haven’t seen it fookin beautiful bit of footboll
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Primary cause of death: balls too hot. Secondary cause of death: bri’ish.
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Please accept cookies Why not sign up to our newsletter for 5% fuckoff? Why not use our AI tools? Our AI chatbot is here to help why not have a conversation? Why not scrubscribe and become a member? Ad pop up Remove ads by scrubscribing, our AI chatgimp can help I’m just tryna goon man
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
Met Office has issued a warning that your butt will get so sweaty today that if you trip & land on it you’ll start sliding & wont stop till you slide right off the cliffs of Dover & across the channel into France
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
I toss and I turn, I cry to the moon, Too hot to sleep, Too hot to goon Fookin warm in the UK btw
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Don’t care about UK gov screening every picture & dm you send, It’s an opportunity: • Make burner account. • DM a constant stream of (my own) untastedul nudes to it 24/7. • My assigned agent eventually falls in love (with me) • On my darkest day (court for tax evasion) he appears, pardon in hand
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
I didn’t spend my entire youth down the meme mines just for my son to be banned from social media & spared from his duty
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
Could fry a chip from frozen by swiping it down my ass crack it’s fookin hot bro
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
A handsome man like you looks like he’d be hiding away a big stockpile of diesel in these trying times, C’mon don’t be shy lemme see 💋 (with malicious intent)
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 24/03/2026
How do I explain to him (the fat dog) that we can’t not go for a walk because he’ll have too much energy tomorrow if we don’t
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 07/03/2026
Today
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 21/02/2026
I fear it’s gonna take more than a Bovril & a Marlboro Gold to bring me back to health this time lads
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 07/02/2026
You’re taking a stroll in the Yorkshire moors, “Over here~…o-over heeere~” You follow the beckoning and happen upon me - Mokahbi, Sank shoulder deep in a peat bog, Do you drag me out or do you snatch the opportunity to witness death firsthand, I wasn’t asking for help, What would I truly want?
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 19/01/2026
The two main food groups are: • Coffee & cigarettes • Alcohol & painkillers
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
His head’s round, but did you know? He’s also long
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
⚠️ Plant Dad ⚠️ Decided to try grow an avocado plant from a pit & look at the fookin thing Also critter dad check him out too
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
• Da’ warns me not to go down to the bog. • Go down to the bog. • Cursed by bog witch.
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
Maybe the Strangerest Things were the friends we made along the way
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 31/12/2025
Stranger Things will end with Vecna opening a portal in the middle of the road where I’m walking John Dog, he tries doing his ✋🏻 bone breaking bs on me and I say “I don’t believe in magic mate” proceeding me magiclessly spinning his jaw tenth fold with no ref to jump in
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 23/12/2025
🎶I really can’t stay, 🎶But baby there’s a peat bog outside, 🎶I gotta go away, 🎶But baby there’s a peat bog outside,
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 23/12/2025
🎶Oh what a laugh it would have been 🎶if daddy had only seen 🎶mommy spin out into a peat bog laaast niiiiiiiight
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 17/12/2025
🎶Driving home for Christmas 🎶Commit vehicular manslaugher up in the moors 🎶Stuff him back in his car 🎶Roll him into a peat bog 🎶Make a hasty escape 🎶Spin out on a patch of black ice 🎶Now I’m sinking in a peat bog 🎶Look at the driver next to me 🎶He’s much the same 🎶He’s sinking in a peat bog-
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 03/12/2025
The face of a man who eats shit & mice but can’t bring himself to choke down his flea & worm tablet
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 15/11/2025
Big changes are coming (I will exclusively be wearing tear away pants from here on out)
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 05/11/2025
If you need me I’ll be the third (3rd) silhouette you come across that retreats further into the fog as you get close after the first two were revealed to be piles of miscellaneous rubble giving you a false sense of security
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 03/11/2025
Passed today’s sturdy check ✅
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 31/10/2025
🎵 This is Halloween, hit the dab and drop a meme 🎶
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 27/10/2025
Scared of spiders gf wanting to get rid of the big spider living in a little hole in the bathroom floor Vs. Scared of spiders bf giving the big spider living in a little hole in the bathroom floor a name so she’d feel bad getting rid of him because he keeps control of the moths (common enemy)
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 17/10/2025
Hate waiting #halloween
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 17/10/2025
Wait that’s a ~£400 card lmao
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 17/10/2025
⚠️ AY YO ⚠️
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 10/10/2025
Offline gf sharing funny home videos vs. Online bf pointing out they’re all AI
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 07/10/2025
Third time rebooking John Dog for an injection because the vets keep taking too long messing with him till he’s too worked up to let them near him Vet today: “Shove a gravy bone in his mouth & rough him around I’ll jab him while he plays” He didn’t even notice it, Vet inconsistency is annoying
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 05/10/2025
I am in hell (Costco membership queue)
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 22/09/2025
Look at the state zZz
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 19/09/2025
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 13/09/2025
🗣️ Boy dinner
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 05/09/2025
HIT
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Mokahbi @mokahbi.bsky.social · 03/09/2025
Exquisite haul
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