iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

My god, I promise I'm never posting THAT LONG of a thread EVER again here 😂😭

170

I’m not giving up on people. I’m just trying to learn that loving others shouldn’t mean losing myself in the process. ❤️ If you made it this far/to the end of my long ass thread, I love you, thank you for hearing me out 🥹🫂 ( 300 WORD LIMIT ON HERE.. AAAUGHH )

0130

I want to get better. I really do. I want to get back to being the person who can give freely, love deeply, and be there for the people around me without feeling so guarded. But seeing how some people have treated that kindness over the years has left me genuinely disappointed and exhausted.

190

But the truth is, my kindness and willingness to love people deeply, have been taken advantage of a lot over the years. Because of that, I’m struggling right now to be there for people in the same way I used to.

I want to be able to care for people without constantly wondering whether I’m going to lose them. I want to feel safe knowing that the people I love will also try to understand me, hear me, and care about what I’m going through.

I don’t want relationships to become a competition of who has done more, who has sacrificed more, or whose problems matter most. I just want mutual understanding, mutual effort when possible, and mutual love.

I’m tired of feeling like my feelings are constantly pushed aside in favour of someone else’s, or like my situations are somehow less important, less valid, or less deserving of care.

I’m tired of feeling like, over the years, so much of the effort I’ve put into people has been undermined, overlooked, or simply forgotten.

I’m not trying to put blame on anyone or make a statement. Sometimes I’m just hurt, overwhelmed, and trying to figure out where I belong. All I really want in life is to stop being so afraid of losing people.

I know these are things I need to keep working on. I’m not saying any of this to excuse my behaviour or put the responsibility on anyone else. I just want people to understand what’s happening underneath the surface when I start withdrawing.

And when it gets to that point, I tend to quietly pull away rather than ask for reassurance, because I don’t want to feel like I’m forcing myself into a space where I’m not wanted.

I become incredibly self-aware of how people interact with each other vs with me, and sometimes I convince myself that I can see when people are more interested in someone else’s company than mine. Whether that perception is always accurate or not, the feeling itself still hurts.

If I’ve poured my heart into trying to build connections with people and eventually start feeling like I’m pushing too hard to fit in, or feel like I’m not really wanted there compared to others, my self-worth can start to fall apart.

Another thing I struggle with is pulling away from groups/folks and isolating myself when I start feeling unwanted.

My memory has also been pretty awful lately, but there are some things I’ll never forget, not because I want to hold them against anyone, but because certain experiences stick with me and can replay in my head, especially when I’m afraid the same thing might happen again and again.

When there are too many loose ends or things left unresolved, though, I can become really confused and end up feeling horrible about myself.

I genuinely don’t always know how to handle those situations, so my instinct is to give space rather than make things worse. I might be nearly 30, but I’m still learning. I’m still figuring things out, and I’m going to make mistakes along the way.

One thing I struggle with is that when I feel like someone is being unnecessarily harsh with me, or is deeply disappointed in me without hearing me out or trying to understand where I’m coming from, I tend to recoil inward and take a step back.

I’m not asking you to hide your feelings or sugarcoat things. I’m just asking for some reassurance that, despite whatever issue we’re working through, you still care about me and value what we are to each other. I’m not perfect, and I know that. I’m still trying to work on these parts of myself.

I’m asking you to please remember to offer some reassurance about what you’re trying to convey, what you’re hoping to fix, or what your intentions are, rather than immediately labelling me as things I'm clearly not.

It’s completely okay to have feelings or frustrations;; we’re only human. But as someone who struggles with late diagnosis and RSD -

If you’ve ever had concerns or issues with me, please just tell me. I would much rather hear the truth and have an honest conversation than feel hostility or resentment. I can handle difficult conversations, I just don’t respond well to hostility.

No hard feelings. No guilt. No awkward explanations needed. Sometimes life just happens, and that’s okay. 🫂❤️

And no matter how much time has passed between connections, I’m always happy to keep my arms open whenever people want to come back. If you never intentionally did anything to hurt me, or you simply got busy with life, you’re always welcome to come back like no time has passed. ❤️

But I also really want to remind people, once and for all, that I’m a pretty easygoing person. We’re all adults now, and life happens. People get busy, disappear for a while, change, grow, or simply need time to themselves.

I’ve been doing a lot of re-evaluating and reflecting lately. September is usually my “look back over my life” month, a time where I try to reconnect with myself after a difficult year. I’ll be happy again. I’ll find myself again. I know I will. 🥺

This year has been really tough on me mentally. I’ve been struggling to keep up with messages and a lot of other things, but I’ve also been slowly picking my art roots back up and making a little extra money on the side again through small batches. ❤️

180

♦️•MIXI•♦️ @missmixi.com · 09/09/2026

Thought I'd post this thread that's kind of important to me on Bluesky too ❤️ ____ FAIR WARNING - THIS IS GOING TO BE A VERY VERY LONG AND SPLIT UP POST OF THREADS OF FEELINGS/BIT OF A VENT POST ❤️

1182

Working on some bust commissions on stream today if y'all wanna come watch n hang! just a chill stream today as I work <3 www.twitch.tv/mixi

0174

♦️•MIXI•♦️ @missmixi.com · 08/09/2026

WIP Birthday present for my bestest Goat fren 💙 @punkr0xy.bsky.social

412921

Starting back on the grind again early bc I wanna finish these commissions :3 then open up more potentially or play games after ❤️ Stream starting meow www.twitch.tv/mixi

0174

Love you doopey, you've got this 🫂❤️

130

Been taking on some small commissions again for some extra money but just busts to not overwork my chronic hand pain ;w; For @natbunn.bsky.social & @throttle.bsky.social

03412

A mash up of my current Vtuber aspect with my girl ❤️ Lifes felt wrong and off lately, so I just wanted to attempt at changing things up to find myself again 🥹 not final but pretty close as I like what we have going

0200

I've been feeling a need to change up something, or well attempt to, and see how it goes, My Fursona has taken a bit of a back seat but wanted to find some kind of connection again.. so with the help from my bro moucchiato with my additions on top

1210

♦️•MIXI•♦️ @missmixi.com · 12/02/2026

I'm sorry for forgetting about bluesky :') I really struggle keeping up with multiple platforms! But I come with art! A potential Mixi fursona redesign Done by Moucchiato on Twitt and the rest by me ( collab )

611319

Dude I made this base SO SO MANY years ago, it's so crazy to see folks STILL using them!! 😭❤️

120

♦️•MIXI•♦️ @missmixi.com · 28/01/2026

Streammm Timmee!! ✨❤️ Going to try out the new Arc raiders patch then play some Hytale later :3 www.twitch.tv/mixi

0265

♦️•MIXI•♦️ @missmixi.com · 23/01/2026

HYNOON ITS HYTALE TIME IN ELKWOOD www.twitch.tv/mixi

0357

♦️•MIXI•♦️ @missmixi.com · 21/01/2026

Again ajhkdsgfsd sorry for the absence as of late but I will be streaming Hytale tonight pls feel free to back seat me! then will possibly change games if my brain fogs out akjdhgd www.twitch.tv/mixi

0389

♦️•MIXI•♦️ @missmixi.com · 16/01/2026

Thank you!! I was wondering what was up!

020

♦️•MIXI•♦️ @missmixi.com · 16/01/2026

I'm not live rn I am just testing the new feature!

0120

♦️•MIXI•♦️ @missmixi.com · 13/01/2026

Am back after a sadge break ~ www.twitch.tv/mixi

1289

Not injured! Just over use, Each time I'd go to the doctor they just couldn't figure out what was wrong, x-rays showed nothing and just diagnosed carpel tunnel asdfghjkl if I had more money I'd try private again Anytime I'd request a cortisone shot I'd always get refused to receive treatment :')

020

In* god I can't fucking type today, even holding my phone these days causes me pain :')

0260

If you're seeing this and you know my art past and ever wondered why the decline is art, now you know. And if you're an art friend of mine, please for the love of god take breaks and take care of yourselves ❤️✨ not knowing your limits has major consequences 😭

2330