iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Sorry to anyone I've ignored. Sorry to anyone I haven't replied to. I'm sorry for not interacting as much as I should. I've accepted I'm struggling & contacted my therapist, we're increasing to twice weekly sessions. Can't contact services bc of my driving licence. Things are bad but I'll survive

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Went to bed at 11pm. Woke up at 3.30am. This was with zopiclone. Guess I've built a tolerance to it now? I don't use it every night as it can leave me quite groggy in the AM (also I only get a limited amount a month). Guess my sleep cycle is just fucked. Got a difficult anniversary coming up as well

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Panic over. My dad's toilet has broken so I've called the emergency home insurance number & they'll come out by 6pm. He does this when something goes wrong. He seems to struggle to do admin any more or make phone calls to businesses. Guess I've turned into his PA. He flaps & panics, I stay calm

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

What a fantastic start to the day. Just had my dad's care agency ring saying he's threatening sui & can't see a way forwards & he's finished. I've tried ringing him about 30 times & he's ignoring me. I don't want to do a welfare check as he says this quite often & goes quiet but I'm scared & fed up

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Wish me luck. I've stepped outside my comfort zone of ordering the same 6 ready meals to 6 completely untried ones. I'm trying to get the more protein ones for 2 reasons a) protein is good for healing & b) I need to start eating healthier esp as I can't do any exercise atm & I need to lose weight

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Cider thief suspect denied theft despite the empty cans being in the recycling bin alongside all his other cans (he has an alcohol problem). If he'd just admitted I'd have said "ok, just give me a couple of cans next time you buy some". Instead I'm livid about being lied to so brazenly

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Morning 🌞. Didn't sleep very well, despite the premixed drink last night. I was planning on having a can of cider but one of my thieving housemates decided to drink the remaining 2 cans & dispose of the cardboard box. I know who it was & he has form for stealing, just got to put a case together now

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Turns out vodka gives you a really good sleep for 3 hours & then you wake up really thirsty & dehydrated. *Sigh* I really thought it would work better. 1am ... any bets on whether I get back to sleep?

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Just had a can of Smirnoff raspberry crush with a side order of clonazepam. If that doesn't knock me out then I'm willing to try chloroform. P.S. I wasn't drinking alone, some of the better housemates & I had a socialising session which was exhausting. Bed soon I think, hope I feel better tmrw

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

I don't usually have alexthymia (difficulty in describing emotions) even though it's common in ND, however, my key worker noticed something was off with me & offered a chat in the office. When she asked how I was feeling the only word I could say was "bleurgh". I can't phrase or explain it properly

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

I actually just remembered to take my lunchtime meds without any reminders or prompting. I'm taking that as the win for today (haven't achieved anything else)

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Just realised it's the Last Night of the Proms tonight & the Great North Run tomorrow. For some reason I associate both of these things with the end of summer. Even though the weather is distinctly not feeling autumnal I am looking forward to cosying up sometime soon, not wishing the sun away though

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

I thought I'd be able to sleep my bad mood off last night & be in a better mood today. However, I am not. I'm still snappy, irritable & wanted to be left alone. I've spent most of the day since getting back from hydrotherapy (where I was polite) in the lounge which isn't great bc I'll spend all

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Slept atrociously again last night & am really not with it this morning (although am only 1 coffee down). Have hydrotherapy later which I'm dreading. I don't know why I dread it bc it's not bad when I'm actually there but getting there & then getting changed & getting back combined does me in

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

I'm an expert at waking up at 1am. There are many things to be experts in & this is not a Mastermind specialist subject I want to be good at. Not at all. I just want to sleep through the night but apparently my brain & body didn't get the memo. Going to have a Horlicks & try getting back to sleep

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Present me is cursing past me who decided to be healthier with my supermarket shop. I don't want a protein yoghurt, or a protein bar, I want pure unadulterated chocolate full of vegetable fats thus making it cheap chocolate that I could binge on without feeling guilty or it being too satisfying

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

I literally have no tolerance for anyone anymore today. Going to be a hermit for the evening. Someone just knocked on the door but I ignored it & they went away. Just lost it with my dad when he went all self pitying & whiny. I pointed out that he doesn't have the monopoly on pain / reduced mobility

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

For some reason I'm so irritable today. Probably due to lack of sleep. My housemate who is v loud & asks a million & one questions & doesn't know the concept of silence keeps grating on me. I really want to snap at her. I've got a headache as well. My supermarket shop came; 4 subs & 1 missing item

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Got up early to wash (no rinse shampoo cap) my hair, style & dry it, have a proper wet wipe wash (discovered Fresh wipes; so much better than Amazon's) & put decent clothes on as I had counselling this pm. She just messaged to say she has a bug so can't make it. Still at least I look nice & clean

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

I've got this waking up at midnight thing down to perfection. It's super annoying. I'm doing all the "right" things sleep hygiene wise, taking my meds (inc zopiclone tonight) & yet I still can't sleep through the night. I have a supermarket delivery coming at 9.30-10.30 tomorrow so no lie in for me

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Yesterday I embarrassed myself. I went out (on my zimmer frame) to get a parcel from outside the front door before the cardboard disintegrated from the rain. The parcel was down a couple of steps so I lent forwards & fell. I managed to get me & the zimmer back inside & bum shuffled away from the

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Just had a WhatsApp message from our lifeboat operations manager. Because of the protests in Dover & Portsmouth & the general harassment the RNLI is getting atm, we have been told not to wear any RNLI branded clothing in public. Why should a charity have to live in fear of retribution bc of idiots?

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

I've had to cancel physio today as every movement I make leaves me feeling extremely nauseous & I've got a killer headache. Going to spend some time in bed to see if I can catch up on a bit more sleep

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Not only am I wide awake but my dizziness & nausea are unbearable. I can't take any meds till the morning. ENT mentioned I might be able to get "rescue meds" to take when an episode happens, a bit like Ventolin for an asthmatic. And my pain is bad. I might just give up on sleep tonight *sigh*

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

I wish my body would stop doing this thing where I have an appointment the next day & my brain decides I have to wake up at stupid times. Yes, I know it's only nearly 1am & a lot of people probably haven't gone to bed yet but I went to bed 3hrs ago & I'm so wide awake it's unbelievable. Annoyed 😠

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

I really could do with a hug right now. My key worker said she would but we have a "no contact" rule. Actually what I really need is a mum hug

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

Pain has eased off a bit & I'm feeling extremely embarrassed by the hugely self pitying & emotional posts I put up earlier today. I wasn't fishing for sympathy, I was just voicing my frustrations. I hope it didn't come across as the former

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

Definitely crashed. Even key worker has noticed & quietly had a word. She said that there's still hope with the pain consultant but I feel so helpless & hopeless. I just feel like the orthopaedic surgeon threw me out on the scrap heap & there's no way of getting off it. I'm in so much pain & have

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

Morning. I've been awake since 4.30 so my sleep is back to its usual rubbish state. Not got anything planned for today. Have a 1hr physio session tmrw so I think I'll take it a bit easy today. Going to try & eat something as didn't really eat over the w/end, this has turned into a habit now.

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

I think I feel an episode of the sads on the way. I always knew the MRI results would tip me over if nothing was found. I'm finding being in agony with no known cause & a lot of compassion fatigue from those close to me very draining. I don't think I'm sucked under yet but I'm struggling

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

My dad is doing his usual of not answering the phone. Not his mobile or landline. I know he's ok as the carer has been in & they write notes I can access on an app. I don't have anything particular to say to him but we haven't spoken for about 15 hrs. You might think he might wish to know how I am?

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

Just taken my first dose of painkillers despite the fact I've been lying down, save a trip to the bathroom, for the last hour since I woke up. Today is going to be tough pain wise I feel

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

Sleeping pattern has returned to bordering on non existent. Got to sleep at midnight and woke at 4am. I was really hopeful that the diazepam would have reset my brain but it seems deeper than that. I've tried all the sleep hygiene things, I have nothing really worrying me except my knee pain which

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Due to the miraculous pharmacologic benefits of 10mg diazepam I just got nearly 12 hours sleep. Still feel knackered though. Guess it's going to take a while to overcome this sleep debt?

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

My ankles are swollen again. This hasn't happened for some weeks & certainly not since switching my BP meds. Maybe I've just been too sedentary today, although it's hard to a) move and b) summon up the energy to move with my knee pain. Hopefully they'll have gone down in the morning after lying down

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Hydrotherapy has been cancelled. Apparently there's a problem with the pool. Can't say I'm particularly bothered as it gives me more of a chilled day. Knee is particularly sore in a new place. Now on the outside of the knee where all the soft tissue bruising is. The joint is still playing up though

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Final session of hydrotherapy today. Not sure how I feel about it? I think it's helped a little but it also has exhausted me. I haven't particularly enjoyed it (are you meant to). I also won't miss having to hobble through most of the hospital to get there, the location really wasn't thought through

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Appt yesterday was stressful. As predicted there's nothing he can do to help. He thinks it's mainly soft tissue (even though my knee joint is still playing up) & it's nothing structural. He referred me to a pain management specialist to see what he can suggest. I'm feeling deflated & despondent

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

Great ... got to sleep at midnight & now I'm wide awake at 01.30 😭 can't even have a lie in tomorrow morning as we have to leave for my appointment before 9. Why does my sleeping pattern go crap when I've got things to do the next day? When I'm free I can sleep till 4ish but no, not tonight 😡

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Have appt with the orthopaedic surgeon tmrw. Don't know what he'll say. I already know the MRI is clear so I guess we have to look at next steps? Trouble is I don't know what they are. I think he'll want to try more as he gets paid for it (med insurance). Taking key worker with me for moral support

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Why am I incapable of eating food without getting half of it down my top?

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Support worker's puppy is being a nightmare today. The plumbers, gardener & decorator are in & anything that is within his reach (like on the edge of a table or in a bag) is being taken & chewed. I don't have the mobility to run after him & the workers are getting, quite rightly, pissed off

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Morning all. I've been up for a while as I had quite a few vivid dreams (not necessarily bad just very real). Not a lot planned for today. The plumbers are coming in to sort the room the bitch moved out from so that'll be quite noisy. Going to write some notes for orthopaedic surgeon appt tomorrow

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Can someone send me spoons to make lunch? It's only putting a pizza in the oven but I appear to be stuck to this chair

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

It's just taken me 3 hours to take my meds. I don't know why I'm struggling so much with it at the moment. I'm doing so well & know it'll fall apart if I stop my meds but??? Brains don't make sense

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Hello. Slept really badly (been awake since 3.30), nothing obvious but annoying. It's a bank holiday where I am which makes very little difference except there's only 1 support staff in, it's my key worker this time which is good as the other staff really resent working holidays, but she doesn't

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

My housemate, whilst being quite tolerable really, cooks these BBQ beef noodles & they stink the whole house out & smell revolting 🤢

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

We had a little house gathering last night to "celebrate" the female narcissistic bitch housemate moving out. It sounds harsh but she's caused so much hurt, turmoil & upset in the house. It was just chatting & a few drinks. I wasn't going to go but I made an effort

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Mental Redhead @mental-redhead.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

One year ago at exactly this time I was waking up on the psych ward on a section 3. I would be discharged later that day. Fast forward to now. No hospital admissions, one spell under the crisis team & only one self-inflicted time spent in A&E. This year has been tough in many ways but I MADE IT 🎉

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