Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 29/01/2025A vigilante superhero that fights very specific crimes. Not muggings or murders, but if you’re parked within 15 feet of a fire station’s driveway? You’re dead. You’re so fucking dead. 2182
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 26/01/2025I think I need to delete Instagram off my phone. This weird thing keeps happening where I open the app. 0210
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 26/01/2025Every time I speak to my brother, who has been in prison for 14 years, I try my best to avoid saying, “How’s everything?” You know, because of the whole prison thing. 0261
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 23/01/2025[Wendy’s chili being fed into me through an IV in my arm] 0174
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 29/12/2024Went to a Chinese restaurant that 1) had no tables 2) had a barrel with folded cardboard on top of it 3) was no bigger than a Pt Cruiser and 4) had horrible customer service. And yes. It was some of the best food I’ve ever eaten. 0240
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 23/12/2024Just saw the data and high-fives are at an all time low. Low-fives/too slows? All time high. We need a change. 2120
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 03/12/2024not that we have a choice but the last variety of ghost I’d want to haunt me is the kind from The Grudge 1160
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 25/11/2024I would rather get in a fight with a dude who has a fully loaded gun than Jackie Chan holding literally anything. 0191
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 22/11/2024Genie: I can grant you three wishes. Dude (who is easily distracted): Grant? Like Hugh Grant? Genie: What? Dude (who is easily distracted): Love him. Genie: What the fuck are you even talking about 0251
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 21/11/2024Your manic pixie dream girl energy will not get you out of this you are under arrest for manslaughter 0261
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 20/11/2024Thank you for 600 followers. Let's aim for 666. No reason. 4251
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 19/11/2024If you’re having a bad day just know it can get a lot worse. This is a mugging. Hand it over. 1320
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 19/11/2024Cannot express my love for lasagna without someone comparing me to Garfield. That fucking cat is ruining everything for me. 3302
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 18/11/2024s’mores pop tarts were there for me when a lot of you were not. 0271
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 18/11/2024Guys. Thank you so much for 500 followers. I will let you down. 1561
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 17/11/2024Hey! My name is Matt Post. I’m a copywriter and screenwriter managed by Elissa Friedman @ Zero Gravity Management. I love writing pilots and features, but have been focused on the latter for a little over a year now. I like writing things that feel like a mix of Safdie’s and Bong Joon Ho’s work. 130
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 17/11/2024Fireman: Sir you need to leave the building right now it’s on fire Me: But the cat just started laying on me 1595
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 17/11/2024Forgot how good a feed looks like without the unfunniest people paying money for you to see their posts. 1498
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 16/11/2024Being in your 30s is weird. I love Broccoli now. No house yet. 66910
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 14/11/2024I may get less likes on here but I also get less racism. It’s a fair trade. 2572
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 01/07/2023Zero bots have responded to this. A better app in every way. 060
Matt Post @mattpost.bsky.social · 12/05/2023The Good Doctor memes cannot find me here. I am safe. 380
